I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
they call him Oral-B. enough said
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
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