mcgugan21's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts. http://tfl.nu/ngvo
  Replies (54) Good night (8528) Bad night (1482)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor http://tfl.nu/12jc
  Replies (5) Good night (4330) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport http://tfl.nu/v33c
  Replies (22) Good night (9924) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn. http://tfl.nu/zs8h
  Replies (2) Good night (4692) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall... http://tfl.nu/myki
  Replies (18) Good night (9746) Bad night (2017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked. http://tfl.nu/a12i
  Replies (9) Good night (4709) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+79): View more from

  Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+79): Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight http://tfl.nu/p28c
  Replies (18) Good night (4669) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops. http://tfl.nu/sp9a
  Replies (10) Good night (5720) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (13195) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level http://tfl.nu/l6je
  Replies (14) Good night (3607) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered... http://tfl.nu/skgw
  Replies (7) Good night (1083) Bad night (4564)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked http://tfl.nu/s4j7
  Replies (9) Good night (1788) Bad night (2898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day. http://tfl.nu/q3s7
  Replies (20) Good night (3977) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
  Replies (25) Good night (14173) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like it was yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org
  Replies (20) Good night (11453) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms. http://tfl.nu/59ye
  Replies (35) Good night (8279) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/s6ky
  Replies (15) Good night (5135) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs." http://tfl.nu/aazi
  Replies (7) Good night (904) Bad night (3562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma http://tfl.nu/lc92
  Replies (24) Good night (9099) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room. http://tfl.nu/3nsa
  Replies (86) Good night (39674) Bad night (1949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss

  (757): View more from Virginia

  So when are we having a sleepover?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss (757): So when are we having a sleepover? http://tfl.nu/90ed
  Replies (24) Good night (6230) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): 70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up. http://tfl.nu/l18e
  Replies (13) Good night (515) Bad night (4386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement http://tfl.nu/es6t
  Replies (53) Good night (684) Bad night (4652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/h0f1
  Replies (39) Good night (980) Bad night (15519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance. http://tfl.nu/rnd5
  Replies (37) Good night (7544) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life http://tfl.nu/ewvo
  Replies (152) Good night (3616) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college. http://tfl.nu/q6b4
  Replies (13) Good night (627) Bad night (3668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club (810): I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds (810): Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies! http://tfl.nu/l421
  Replies (5) Good night (1282) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor

  (1-516): View more from New York

  did you bang her?

  (516): View more from New York

  seriously?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor (1-516): did you bang her? (516): seriously? http://tfl.nu/fyme
  Replies (25) Good night (1764) Bad night (6171)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina... http://tfl.nu/yr74
  Replies (48) Good night (1191) Bad night (5833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes. http://tfl.nu/agxg
  Replies (14) Good night (1136) Bad night (4319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness... (413): how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers http://tfl.nu/137y
  Replies (10) Good night (5458) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever. http://tfl.nu/fuow
  Replies (15) Good night (5551) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936. http://tfl.nu/hg2d
  Replies (22) Good night (1196) Bad night (9378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind. http://tfl.nu/3qxe
  Replies (6) Good night (1291) Bad night (2379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

  (805): View more from California

  i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc
  Replies (22) Good night (6527) Bad night (1504)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0
  Replies (15) Good night (13001) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink. http://tfl.nu/zmqp
  Replies (13) Good night (4572) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me? http://tfl.nu/3spk
  Replies (10) Good night (917) Bad night (3870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables http://tfl.nu/82j1
  Replies (3) Good night (848) Bad night (2332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that? http://tfl.nu/8vi3
  Replies (6) Good night (2823) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast. http://tfl.nu/9556
  Replies (18) Good night (6216) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off. http://tfl.nu/eb22
  Replies (15) Good night (4669) Bad night (1708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend http://tfl.nu/u7rd
  Replies (8) Good night (5089) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love. http://tfl.nu/koii
  Replies (22) Good night (6151) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym http://tfl.nu/opd7
  Replies (27) Good night (3536) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22295) Bad night (1511)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT http://tfl.nu/ci1u
  Replies (17) Good night (5623) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show? http://tfl.nu/56pk
  Replies (28) Good night (4053) Bad night (2100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina. http://tfl.nu/3vsv
  Replies (79) Good night (2381) Bad night (7983)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana. http://tfl.nu/oxo3
  Replies (9) Good night (4682) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa... http://tfl.nu/bbhr
  Replies (18) Good night (4843) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless. http://tfl.nu/v4st
  Replies (9) Good night (5881) Bad night (1162)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Umm you met him three days ago....

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said what I said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for (215): Umm you met him three days ago.... (267): I said what I said http://tfl.nu/18h0
  Replies (30) Good night (7340) Bad night (1397)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what to do

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  with your life?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i dont know what to do (1-732): with your life? (732): no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3 http://tfl.nu/i8yp
  Replies (17) Good night (4904) Bad night (2089)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack. (1-253): What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited http://tfl.nu/n0ma
  Replies (13) Good night (5278) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  there were a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am... (1-918): there were a lot. http://tfl.nu/x7ld
  Replies (29) Good night (6330) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me. http://tfl.nu/ej9i
  Replies (17) Good night (6454) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.

  (818): View more from California

  And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas. (818): And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you. http://tfl.nu/hyux
  Replies (14) Good night (5328) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old http://tfl.nu/y7b8
  Replies (23) Good night (1706) Bad night (6637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you. http://tfl.nu/e0pj
  Replies (39) Good night (5088) Bad night (2109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him http://tfl.nu/h9ln
  Replies (23) Good night (5944) Bad night (1495)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark. http://tfl.nu/009s
  Replies (44) Good night (7436) Bad night (1934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  What will that accomplish?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on. (480): What will that accomplish? (602): It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on. http://tfl.nu/n4ns
  Replies (23) Good night (8006) Bad night (1363)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/qlw2
  Replies (18) Good night (6497) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r
  Replies (24) Good night (7228) Bad night (1629)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just realized these events may be related.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window. (352): Just realized these events may be related. http://tfl.nu/i6sd
  Replies (21) Good night (6256) Bad night (1844)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  You are nothing if not reliable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different. (1-206): You are nothing if not reliable. http://tfl.nu/5ioj
  Replies (11) Good night (4782) Bad night (1361)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up. http://tfl.nu/h2lf
  Replies (23) Good night (8036) Bad night (4802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me. http://tfl.nu/zahg
  Replies (14) Good night (8827) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing. http://tfl.nu/tshz
  Replies (39) Good night (3512) Bad night (1290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/tulo
  Replies (40) Good night (6335) Bad night (1375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot. http://tfl.nu/w0w1
  Replies (37) Good night (4966) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty... http://tfl.nu/qvnt
  Replies (18) Good night (5421) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property. http://tfl.nu/vsw9
  Replies (25) Good night (2062) Bad night (5536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq
  Replies (53) Good night (11300) Bad night (1241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (36) Good night (6422) Bad night (1295)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/9amw
  Replies (18) Good night (4545) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender http://tfl.nu/9vxe
  Replies (23) Good night (1813) Bad night (4471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever. http://tfl.nu/1r4h
  Replies (21) Good night (4741) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg
  Replies (72) Good night (17670) Bad night (2535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5
  Replies (140) Good night (6999) Bad night (1643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this. http://tfl.nu/jiq7
  Replies (15) Good night (7210) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2233) Bad night (7323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom. http://tfl.nu/em4c
  Replies (16) Good night (6387) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass. http://tfl.nu/z2s4
  Replies (17) Good night (650) Bad night (5674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  They are making fun of natty and blackberries.

  (646): View more from New York

  Tell them they are ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): They are making fun of natty and blackberries. (646): Tell them they are ugly. http://tfl.nu/s2y1
  Replies (8) Good night (3833) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days http://tfl.nu/ngst
  Replies (21) Good night (9811) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables http://tfl.nu/0ytp
  Replies (11) Good night (4960) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle. http://tfl.nu/j8z9
  Replies (32) Good night (5692) Bad night (3461)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo http://tfl.nu/loae
  Replies (18) Good night (9859) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk. http://tfl.nu/wlu8
  Replies (101) Good night (2954) Bad night (12042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks" http://tfl.nu/zxub
  Replies (32) Good night (7056) Bad night (2051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7856) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+62): View more from

  This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+62): This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country. http://tfl.nu/rdix
  Replies (50) Good night (1413) Bad night (4228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  please dont tell anyone i was drunk

  (1-607): View more from New York

  you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): please dont tell anyone i was drunk (1-607): you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know http://tfl.nu/3807
  Replies (12) Good night (1088) Bad night (4207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z
  Replies (31) Good night (11836) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.

  (1-347): View more from New York

  ofcourse you didnt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless. (1-347): ofcourse you didnt. http://tfl.nu/elq0
  Replies (6) Good night (4370) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Two words Indian burn...

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  What did she think it was, a shake weight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Two words Indian burn... (1-806): What did she think it was, a shake weight? http://tfl.nu/39re
  Replies (27) Good night (1039) Bad night (5674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too. http://tfl.nu/2www
  Replies (42) Good night (1621) Bad night (14110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (20299) Bad night (1695)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (2180) Bad night (7717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (11291) Bad night (2364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better. http://tfl.nu/6sgi
  Replies (70) Good night (3848) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance. http://tfl.nu/0bj8
  Replies (13) Good night (4139) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify
  Replies (58) Good night (8633) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire. http://tfl.nu/r0t1
  Replies (39) Good night (784) Bad night (3024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board? http://tfl.nu/cf1u
  Replies (19) Good night (714) Bad night (5791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety. http://tfl.nu/meos
  Replies (9) Good night (2941) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser. http://tfl.nu/daye
  Replies (13) Good night (503) Bad night (4475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything. http://tfl.nu/euxa
  Replies (9) Good night (5263) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened. http://tfl.nu/4exz
  Replies (23) Good night (6327) Bad night (2674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today" http://tfl.nu/2j14
  Replies (26) Good night (2943) Bad night (6157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day http://tfl.nu/4uqd
  Replies (11) Good night (1938) Bad night (4539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job http://tfl.nu/jdmg
  Replies (21) Good night (3496) Bad night (2040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70 http://tfl.nu/w9g2
  Replies (13) Good night (6076) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building http://tfl.nu/8nc8
  Replies (22) Good night (5976) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  it was like having sex with a tree stump

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): it was like having sex with a tree stump http://tfl.nu/4ao5
  Replies (36) Good night (1093) Bad night (6510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college. http://tfl.nu/99x7
  Replies (50) Good night (9132) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i
  Replies (14) Good night (4826) Bad night (2180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying http://tfl.nu/0ccm
  Replies (8) Good night (3140) Bad night (3901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you. http://tfl.nu/ejbb
  Replies (9) Good night (7684) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen. http://tfl.nu/qer2
  Replies (25) Good night (4945) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928
  Replies (5) Good night (5294) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited.... http://tfl.nu/lzs9
  Replies (16) Good night (5045) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team http://tfl.nu/fnfy
  Replies (24) Good night (1097) Bad night (4708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver. http://tfl.nu/132c
  Replies (21) Good night (5970) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out http://tfl.nu/0mnv
  Replies (13) Good night (8549) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off http://tfl.nu/rmt4
  Replies (33) Good night (1877) Bad night (6873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers. http://tfl.nu/1i45
  Replies (18) Good night (6574) Bad night (1652)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high. http://tfl.nu/4ptt
  Replies (36) Good night (7676) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (2154) Bad night (8768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (50) Good night (12012) Bad night (1473)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass' (973): Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic. (229): Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom? http://tfl.nu/xp9a
  Replies (9) Good night (3953) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high. http://tfl.nu/wyb4
  Replies (15) Good night (4885) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): 90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus http://tfl.nu/i6dy
  Replies (15) Good night (7994) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1427) Bad night (5792)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times http://tfl.nu/wnel
  Replies (12) Good night (8527) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign? http://tfl.nu/j7ur
  Replies (21) Good night (1009) Bad night (7072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name. http://tfl.nu/27vq
  Replies (15) Good night (5442) Bad night (1635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink http://tfl.nu/9ici
  Replies (9) Good night (7943) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements. http://tfl.nu/qg9u
  Replies (9) Good night (4824) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves http://tfl.nu/mggy
  Replies (20) Good night (5976) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us. http://tfl.nu/5cyi
  Replies (12) Good night (5747) Bad night (1445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs. http://tfl.nu/uj0s
  Replies (19) Good night (7065) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings http://tfl.nu/clzp
  Replies (13) Good night (2815) Bad night (4679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party. http://tfl.nu/y163
  Replies (17) Good night (4511) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well. http://tfl.nu/2mtg
  Replies (26) Good night (8004) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions. http://tfl.nu/pgpr
  Replies (16) Good night (5745) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

  (760): View more from California

  Wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered. (760): Wow. http://tfl.nu/1wu1
  Replies (16) Good night (4106) Bad night (1327)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth. http://tfl.nu/ap45
  Replies (38) Good night (8356) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  None of that is ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there. (1-312): None of that is ok. http://tfl.nu/fi6r
  Replies (38) Good night (5396) Bad night (3571)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
  Replies (33) Good night (12554) Bad night (1309)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well. http://tfl.nu/zrfa
  Replies (19) Good night (6740) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval. http://tfl.nu/2acf
  Replies (16) Good night (6364) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend http://tfl.nu/ip7i
  Replies (18) Good night (4418) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (16140) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops. http://tfl.nu/nf4z
  Replies (9) Good night (4129) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something http://tfl.nu/mg8h
  Replies (35) Good night (5582) Bad night (1718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour

  (513): View more from Ohio

  its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour (513): its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem http://tfl.nu/ygfh
  Replies (6) Good night (841) Bad night (3021)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night. http://tfl.nu/a8sl
  Replies (20) Good night (1781) Bad night (4640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ggug
  Replies (29) Good night (6299) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha http://tfl.nu/k58e
  Replies (20) Good night (7104) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well. http://tfl.nu/7lfy
  Replies (20) Good night (7262) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean. http://tfl.nu/fik0
  Replies (44) Good night (9966) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx
  Replies (30) Good night (12345) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone. http://tfl.nu/mzb6
  Replies (7) Good night (1321) Bad night (2627)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again? http://tfl.nu/oao4
  Replies (20) Good night (963) Bad night (7382)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (922) Bad night (8057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me. http://tfl.nu/5jau
  Replies (18) Good night (4521) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
  Replies (42) Good night (8343) Bad night (4659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch. http://tfl.nu/qemq
  Replies (15) Good night (1100) Bad night (4132)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW. http://tfl.nu/izzq
  Replies (22) Good night (6493) Bad night (1755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8764) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get.. http://tfl.nu/agd7
  Replies (9) Good night (3376) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B. http://tfl.nu/2oen
  Replies (38) Good night (4935) Bad night (1870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka http://tfl.nu/w8nb
  Replies (9) Good night (1079) Bad night (3650)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family. http://tfl.nu/wcpl
  Replies (8) Good night (747) Bad night (5184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home http://tfl.nu/jyep
  Replies (15) Good night (8370) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8864) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians. http://tfl.nu/d2bn
  Replies (20) Good night (5783) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol. http://tfl.nu/s5um
  Replies (10) Good night (6056) Bad night (1236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  yeah thats usually a good indication.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face.. (1-317): yeah thats usually a good indication. http://tfl.nu/79nx
  Replies (6) Good night (5141) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can I come stay the night

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, but no sex tonight

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'll stay home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): can I come stay the night (217): yeah, but no sex tonight (810): I'll stay home http://tfl.nu/tu8g
  Replies (34) Good night (2196) Bad night (7960)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake. http://tfl.nu/g05l
  Replies (13) Good night (10688) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome! http://tfl.nu/2tqo
  Replies (79) Good night (17769) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big." http://tfl.nu/onws
  Replies (11) Good night (3026) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face. (1-402): come over http://tfl.nu/v8ye
  Replies (25) Good night (7298) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach? http://tfl.nu/arsp
  Replies (31) Good night (1978) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  So are we goin out tonight?

  (315): View more from New York

  Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...

  (850): View more from Florida

  And that was fun, wasn't it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): So are we goin out tonight? (315): Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night... (850): And that was fun, wasn't it? http://tfl.nu/s8z3
  Replies (18) Good night (2925) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ah tequila...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur # (816): ah tequila... http://tfl.nu/7k34
  Replies (22) Good night (6082) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up. http://tfl.nu/oxuw
  Replies (26) Good night (7900) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood http://tfl.nu/ts9e
  Replies (19) Good night (6328) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno. http://tfl.nu/xrvd
  Replies (28) Good night (5617) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault. http://tfl.nu/rtqq
  Replies (20) Good night (1508) Bad night (4316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs http://tfl.nu/4ami
  Replies (26) Good night (6254) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint. http://tfl.nu/r0bi
  Replies (25) Good night (5675) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer http://tfl.nu/3jhr
  Replies (7) Good night (3753) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  fireball beer pong. youre missing out

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  how is that even possible?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ove gloves.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  be there in ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): fireball beer pong. youre missing out (732): how is that even possible? (908): ove gloves. (732): be there in ten. http://tfl.nu/dpvx
  Replies (30) Good night (8782) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself. http://tfl.nu/c8lm
  Replies (12) Good night (1247) Bad night (3717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m
  Replies (29) Good night (9930) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete http://tfl.nu/m91r
  Replies (10) Good night (3767) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie. http://tfl.nu/bxsq
  Replies (45) Good night (5461) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this. http://tfl.nu/8qff
  Replies (6) Good night (4859) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on http://tfl.nu/30zy
  Replies (38) Good night (2361) Bad night (7572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?! http://tfl.nu/7uj0
  Replies (10) Good night (6655) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side http://tfl.nu/owir
  Replies (24) Good night (1176) Bad night (7482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is. http://tfl.nu/unb6
  Replies (13) Good night (4733) Bad night (1184)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night http://tfl.nu/y9wt
  Replies (19) Good night (3824) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class. http://tfl.nu/7p98
  Replies (26) Good night (2551) Bad night (4484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad. http://tfl.nu/rfuh
  Replies (25) Good night (2021) Bad night (6051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library. http://tfl.nu/ghke
  Replies (34) Good night (6767) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/utqj
  Replies (35) Good night (8162) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ..i think i can hear you losing your virginity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): ..i think i can hear you losing your virginity http://tfl.nu/nv6r
  Replies (17) Good night (8240) Bad night (1652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks http://tfl.nu/9to0
  Replies (11) Good night (4960) Bad night (1605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me. http://tfl.nu/1449
  Replies (24) Good night (5225) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job. http://tfl.nu/xzx3
  Replies (41) Good night (7152) Bad night (1388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later? http://tfl.nu/o4ww
  Replies (19) Good night (1149) Bad night (4525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful. http://tfl.nu/8ema
  Replies (9) Good night (5185) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful? http://tfl.nu/ij5q
  Replies (24) Good night (3258) Bad night (3454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (17) Good night (15686) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life' http://tfl.nu/863e
  Replies (26) Good night (6769) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga. http://tfl.nu/3ybq
  Replies (13) Good night (4770) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies http://tfl.nu/vhuy
  Replies (77) Good night (1287) Bad night (6623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with. http://tfl.nu/f7yk
  Replies (11) Good night (5864) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju
  Replies (19) Good night (8798) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4433) Bad night (7240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child http://tfl.nu/48ux
  Replies (31) Good night (7840) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots. http://tfl.nu/yy52
  Replies (75) Good night (1283) Bad night (6077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Did we use protection last night?

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Um, no...keep in touch, okay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Did we use protection last night? (1-780): Um, no...keep in touch, okay? http://tfl.nu/2myc
  Replies (46) Good night (1065) Bad night (14641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  my lips still taste like vagina

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  so you liked breakfast?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): my lips still taste like vagina (1-740): so you liked breakfast? (740): ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead http://tfl.nu/odt6
  Replies (18) Good night (3162) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/juwj
  Replies (25) Good night (9977) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it http://tfl.nu/jqdj
  Replies (12) Good night (1228) Bad night (4730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  his penis was the training wheels of my sex life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): his penis was the training wheels of my sex life http://tfl.nu/y4t8
  Replies (16) Good night (4560) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things. http://tfl.nu/e6ox
  Replies (36) Good night (9120) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter http://tfl.nu/90no
  Replies (15) Good night (5520) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (4895) Bad night (3138)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack. http://tfl.nu/j0gt
  Replies (20) Good night (4454) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis". http://tfl.nu/fly1
  Replies (39) Good night (7748) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit. http://tfl.nu/890j
  Replies (48) Good night (2673) Bad night (9367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men. http://tfl.nu/lrdt
  Replies (22) Good night (1708) Bad night (3415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep. http://tfl.nu/k8wl
  Replies (17) Good night (6572) Bad night (2006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free. http://tfl.nu/j1zd
  Replies (20) Good night (8299) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that. http://tfl.nu/1tq2
  Replies (39) Good night (3305) Bad night (5370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (9061) Bad night (4236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him. http://tfl.nu/u51w
  Replies (23) Good night (7138) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f
  Replies (24) Good night (6714) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (12173) Bad night (1279)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now http://tfl.nu/173b
  Replies (25) Good night (8792) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me... http://tfl.nu/nenj
  Replies (13) Good night (7894) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet. http://tfl.nu/swmp
  Replies (18) Good night (9826) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (15144) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit http://tfl.nu/61qr
  Replies (13) Good night (6550) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though. http://tfl.nu/36m5
  Replies (27) Good night (6571) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking." http://tfl.nu/oftj
  Replies (17) Good night (7721) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed. http://tfl.nu/819f
  Replies (26) Good night (10978) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw
  Replies (17) Good night (8052) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home. http://tfl.nu/by9e
  Replies (18) Good night (5048) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za
  Replies (63) Good night (10562) Bad night (1463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits" http://tfl.nu/l1ei
  Replies (29) Good night (4936) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex" http://tfl.nu/sy7y
  Replies (42) Good night (1267) Bad night (14318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
  Replies (40) Good night (11148) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam. http://tfl.nu/gz4d
  Replies (23) Good night (11430) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date. http://tfl.nu/r3cq
  Replies (17) Good night (668) Bad night (6420)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him http://tfl.nu/bx2z
  Replies (8) Good night (779) Bad night (3833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse. http://tfl.nu/4gmt
  Replies (35) Good night (9951) Bad night (3028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (8091) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock? http://tfl.nu/twxe
  Replies (5) Good night (4847) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity. http://tfl.nu/th3j
  Replies (24) Good night (7203) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
  Replies (29) Good night (7508) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (35) Good night (15234) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal. http://tfl.nu/vbhe
  Replies (24) Good night (7701) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city http://tfl.nu/k6ti
  Replies (38) Good night (11913) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (66) Good night (25123) Bad night (2646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day http://tfl.nu/20xi
  Replies (14) Good night (8815) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever. http://tfl.nu/15o8
  Replies (18) Good night (7321) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from. http://tfl.nu/qa0c
  Replies (11) Good night (5351) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes... http://tfl.nu/9zzk
  Replies (70) Good night (1114) Bad night (11086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before http://tfl.nu/lurw
  Replies (17) Good night (1795) Bad night (4285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy. http://tfl.nu/cg4z
  Replies (60) Good night (2125) Bad night (4965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen?? http://tfl.nu/vnhk
  Replies (14) Good night (4349) Bad night (1268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount. http://tfl.nu/7zsg
  Replies (21) Good night (6413) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He's pole dancing on a heat lamp. http://tfl.nu/0l62
  Replies (9) Good night (1368) Bad night (3278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling. http://tfl.nu/0who
  Replies (12) Good night (1116) Bad night (5525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate. http://tfl.nu/dn5m
  Replies (24) Good night (7392) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+47): View more from Norway

  I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+47): I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian http://tfl.nu/2tom
  Replies (21) Good night (5062) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos http://tfl.nu/9f8x
  Replies (11) Good night (5374) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed" http://tfl.nu/g8fj
  Replies (22) Good night (2466) Bad night (4765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him. http://tfl.nu/2plm
  Replies (14) Good night (5512) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed. http://tfl.nu/eckq
  Replies (22) Good night (7167) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her... http://tfl.nu/azzw
  Replies (21) Good night (4979) Bad night (2382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying. http://tfl.nu/75ln
  Replies (14) Good night (1099) Bad night (4614)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (18) Good night (12664) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better. http://tfl.nu/c7ty
  Replies (23) Good night (9651) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27831) Bad night (1800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (21447) Bad night (1106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that http://tfl.nu/ubil
  Replies (37) Good night (2172) Bad night (6388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (872): View more from Illinois

  mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (872): mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning http://tfl.nu/e3e8
  Replies (11) Good night (1277) Bad night (4574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead". http://tfl.nu/bwjk
  Replies (10) Good night (5658) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9
  Replies (19) Good night (6263) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that. http://tfl.nu/wccj
  Replies (11) Good night (5241) Bad night (2196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before... http://tfl.nu/0j29
  Replies (23) Good night (6066) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared" http://tfl.nu/f1ec
  Replies (19) Good night (5781) Bad night (2570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher http://tfl.nu/npc9
  Replies (21) Good night (1050) Bad night (6375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him http://tfl.nu/3fbj
  Replies (21) Good night (1289) Bad night (8711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever http://tfl.nu/70al
  Replies (16) Good night (6346) Bad night (1364)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe http://tfl.nu/ye00
  Replies (35) Good night (1132) Bad night (13741)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (42) Good night (10740) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5
  Replies (14) Good night (9621) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time. http://tfl.nu/nker
  Replies (9) Good night (4920) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (8873) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number. http://tfl.nu/ol2r
  Replies (19) Good night (6926) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart. http://tfl.nu/u8db
  Replies (30) Good night (7908) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis http://tfl.nu/rixp
  Replies (19) Good night (2102) Bad night (2897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  That's the best idea I've heard all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls. (1-248): That's the best idea I've heard all day. http://tfl.nu/w1qi
  Replies (30) Good night (8953) Bad night (2522)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I queefed so loud it echoed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I queefed so loud it echoed. http://tfl.nu/ujmt
  Replies (56) Good night (1898) Bad night (10734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54915) Bad night (6418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically. http://tfl.nu/np2a
  Replies (23) Good night (1772) Bad night (6382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on. http://tfl.nu/rma0
  Replies (21) Good night (6197) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/oaik
  Replies (48) Good night (8647) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you. http://tfl.nu/rvgi
  Replies (15) Good night (1575) Bad night (4352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What happened?....

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): What happened?.... (304): He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm.... http://tfl.nu/j714
  Replies (10) Good night (1530) Bad night (5055)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate. http://tfl.nu/63ss
  Replies (32) Good night (6659) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (10184) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon. http://tfl.nu/d58s
  Replies (39) Good night (9049) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16759) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same http://tfl.nu/yvn7
  Replies (26) Good night (7800) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (18317) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think http://tfl.nu/kspc
  Replies (16) Good night (4200) Bad night (3071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser http://tfl.nu/r42a
  Replies (30) Good night (10599) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
  Replies (21) Good night (10147) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much. http://tfl.nu/ll22
  Replies (27) Good night (7387) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt
  Replies (13) Good night (9433) Bad night (1630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much http://tfl.nu/3dmn
  Replies (26) Good night (10247) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/98cc
  Replies (9) Good night (6108) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story. http://tfl.nu/mad1
  Replies (9) Good night (6212) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation. http://tfl.nu/fvna
  Replies (21) Good night (9774) Bad night (1165)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over http://tfl.nu/tk3t
  Replies (13) Good night (9729) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter http://tfl.nu/xpn7
  Replies (33) Good night (6288) Bad night (1714)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana. http://tfl.nu/g8b3
  Replies (24) Good night (1762) Bad night (6567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
  Replies (31) Good night (9437) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible. http://tfl.nu/a9zl
  Replies (41) Good night (796) Bad night (9112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present. http://tfl.nu/yqaq
  Replies (21) Good night (4349) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dont! You were just serving you country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now... (404): Dont! You were just serving you country http://tfl.nu/lcsl
  Replies (71) Good night (6647) Bad night (2263)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1744) Bad night (5635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
  Replies (21) Good night (7357) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know http://tfl.nu/zyp8
  Replies (25) Good night (944) Bad night (5102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (75) Good night (11795) Bad night (3331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday' http://tfl.nu/p489
  Replies (62) Good night (2302) Bad night (24095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell. http://tfl.nu/ou94
  Replies (33) Good night (1375) Bad night (7576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico. http://tfl.nu/evuy
  Replies (13) Good night (5498) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (25735) Bad night (4383)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/eh4f
  Replies (30) Good night (7451) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face. http://tfl.nu/vz1o
  Replies (79) Good night (8539) Bad night (2778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it. http://tfl.nu/ce8t
  Replies (14) Good night (923) Bad night (4552)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out. http://tfl.nu/nbi4
  Replies (12) Good night (8630) Bad night (1403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/kl4h
  Replies (20) Good night (7378) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed. http://tfl.nu/r8jj
  Replies (18) Good night (7541) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (98) Good night (27340) Bad night (1732)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You make your fellow Jews happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio
  Replies (16) Good night (6190) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday. http://tfl.nu/2gms
  Replies (7) Good night (820) Bad night (4471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied". http://tfl.nu/4up3
  Replies (12) Good night (1922) Bad night (3738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night http://tfl.nu/m366
  Replies (12) Good night (5532) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper http://tfl.nu/mqbh
  Replies (13) Good night (5396) Bad night (1803)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea? http://tfl.nu/vmb3
  Replies (19) Good night (5081) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels. http://tfl.nu/hv8u
  Replies (13) Good night (6936) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  whats a bus flip?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  idk but apparently i invented it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip (1-225): whats a bus flip? (225): idk but apparently i invented it http://tfl.nu/n87k
  Replies (23) Good night (9483) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty. http://tfl.nu/jt5n
  Replies (7) Good night (5898) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac.... http://tfl.nu/v8jl
  Replies (12) Good night (955) Bad night (5245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!" http://tfl.nu/kl2h
  Replies (38) Good night (19095) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (961): View more from

  I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (961): I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit http://tfl.nu/r0do
  Replies (28) Good night (7492) Bad night (1517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you. http://tfl.nu/t7go
  Replies (21) Good night (4582) Bad night (978)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president" http://tfl.nu/8jue
  Replies (21) Good night (6604) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese. http://tfl.nu/mdbn
  Replies (10) Good night (7045) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  And that worked?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night. (1-919): And that worked? (919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards. http://tfl.nu/moso
  Replies (70) Good night (13310) Bad night (1354)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated. http://tfl.nu/qt45
  Replies (32) Good night (704) Bad night (8863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM

  (416): View more from Toronto

  From?

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM (416): From? (647): Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table... http://tfl.nu/hv77
  Replies (16) Good night (2303) Bad night (5296)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me? http://tfl.nu/w4b8
  Replies (15) Good night (6698) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again http://tfl.nu/g38z
  Replies (21) Good night (5608) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade. http://tfl.nu/270g
  Replies (20) Good night (1422) Bad night (5397)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm watching ellen!

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I'm watching ellen! (1-615): just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show http://tfl.nu/chlu
  Replies (12) Good night (11187) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt