I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
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