It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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