buck06's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"! http://tfl.nu/t4t6
  Replies (15) Good night (3721) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  That was long passed due.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol" (262): That was long passed due. http://tfl.nu/6bqu
  Replies (36) Good night (4989) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother. http://tfl.nu/jmn9
  Replies (10) Good night (3203) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk http://tfl.nu/iikf
  Replies (10) Good night (4598) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments. http://tfl.nu/u5vp
  Replies (10) Good night (2477) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class http://tfl.nu/hcaw
  Replies (10) Good night (3061) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (28688) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73540) Bad night (2506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (55032) Bad night (6449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes http://tfl.nu/xrcl
  Replies (37) Good night (5577) Bad night (1298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick. http://tfl.nu/dk06
  Replies (6) Good night (1054) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger" http://tfl.nu/twr9
  Replies (17) Good night (3377) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo http://tfl.nu/rg6x
  Replies (36) Good night (5926) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot. http://tfl.nu/r2lr
  Replies (17) Good night (6229) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister. http://tfl.nu/visn
  Replies (7) Good night (1319) Bad night (2175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power http://tfl.nu/ghbk
  Replies (7) Good night (2760) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude. http://tfl.nu/5t8b
  Replies (32) Good night (8400) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice. http://tfl.nu/z7v3
  Replies (14) Good night (4400) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  So....maintenance found the bullethole.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): So....maintenance found the bullethole..... http://tfl.nu/54el
  Replies (22) Good night (5212) Bad night (2193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars. http://tfl.nu/v0mr
  Replies (29) Good night (948) Bad night (2876)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college. http://tfl.nu/yagx
  Replies (7) Good night (3862) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war. http://tfl.nu/fra3
  Replies (11) Good night (832) Bad night (3361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian. http://tfl.nu/g8r4
  Replies (12) Good night (2579) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills. http://tfl.nu/kjxm
  Replies (9) Good night (1515) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  oh, you finally did the dishes then?

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  No, bought new ones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight. (704): oh, you finally did the dishes then? (980): No, bought new ones. http://tfl.nu/21up
  Replies (48) Good night (7507) Bad night (1146)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on (484): Who said I was judging? More like congratulating. http://tfl.nu/coiy
  Replies (10) Good night (2092) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  This beer is not sobering me up at all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): This beer is not sobering me up at all http://tfl.nu/2fz8
  Replies (13) Good night (7578) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon. http://tfl.nu/wp82
  Replies (49) Good night (5581) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away http://tfl.nu/h2fc
  Replies (11) Good night (5166) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear... http://tfl.nu/9by5
  Replies (19) Good night (4342) Bad night (1847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream http://tfl.nu/n2ta
  Replies (12) Good night (2383) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line. http://tfl.nu/63gr
  Replies (10) Good night (602) Bad night (3439)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (20313) Bad night (2130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey. http://tfl.nu/h1y9
  Replies (7) Good night (3244) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun? http://tfl.nu/1gt4
  Replies (10) Good night (2184) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i think i left my bra at your place

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a
  Replies (22) Good night (10577) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?

  (949): View more from California

  Midgetier?

  (714): View more from California

  Smaller, yet meaner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic? (949): Midgetier? (714): Smaller, yet meaner. http://tfl.nu/nr7w
  Replies (12) Good night (3812) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK http://tfl.nu/1e7j
  Replies (4) Good night (2926) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"

  (913): View more from Kansas

  did you yell "are you not entertained?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude" (913): did you yell "are you not entertained?" http://tfl.nu/qa0j
  Replies (21) Good night (6846) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday. http://tfl.nu/86uh
  Replies (42) Good night (11396) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans. http://tfl.nu/f9ad
  Replies (74) Good night (3960) Bad night (1750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop. http://tfl.nu/zx6t
  Replies (31) Good night (5388) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight. http://tfl.nu/njgf
  Replies (7) Good night (1883) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  #1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): #1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE http://tfl.nu/txty
  Replies (15) Good night (3825) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode. http://tfl.nu/h8l8
  Replies (11) Good night (2887) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (6333) Bad night (11964)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you. http://tfl.nu/q4u2
  Replies (13) Good night (2031) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/v7b4
  Replies (16) Good night (1415) Bad night (7265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex. http://tfl.nu/g9ms
  Replies (6) Good night (1366) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!" http://tfl.nu/u8jk
  Replies (23) Good night (5966) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job. http://tfl.nu/jru8
  Replies (6) Good night (3075) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage, http://tfl.nu/ten2
  Replies (15) Good night (4442) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't. http://tfl.nu/ol3k
  Replies (11) Good night (7195) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side http://tfl.nu/k88p
  Replies (12) Good night (1934) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van http://tfl.nu/7qz4
  Replies (13) Good night (2013) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty" http://tfl.nu/qrhn
  Replies (18) Good night (6366) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Wait. Someome brought slutcake?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Christ, I really took the slutcake last night. (1-403): Wait. Someome brought slutcake? http://tfl.nu/hkv2
  Replies (9) Good night (1982) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb
  Replies (31) Good night (14769) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole. http://tfl.nu/uyw0
  Replies (11) Good night (3597) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame? http://tfl.nu/lhf6
  Replies (16) Good night (3023) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs". http://tfl.nu/ppqp
  Replies (23) Good night (8718) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night. http://tfl.nu/xi8c
  Replies (6) Good night (1197) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan. http://tfl.nu/do61
  Replies (14) Good night (1837) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana. http://tfl.nu/b27k
  Replies (9) Good night (2950) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight. http://tfl.nu/a7yq
  Replies (24) Good night (5107) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it http://tfl.nu/4nim
  Replies (39) Good night (696) Bad night (2566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/fnbb
  Replies (9) Good night (3363) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it. http://tfl.nu/6uvx
  Replies (10) Good night (2613) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome" http://tfl.nu/7ky1
  Replies (5) Good night (2639) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (118) Good night (39689) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator". http://tfl.nu/yo1x
  Replies (59) Good night (936) Bad night (5867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  New charity walk idea!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished. (202): New charity walk idea! http://tfl.nu/skxt
  Replies (31) Good night (13014) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173321) Bad night (6945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd
  Replies (54) Good night (4914) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  one two three fourrrrnication!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): one two three fourrrrnication! http://tfl.nu/2jpj
  Replies (4) Good night (3550) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple http://tfl.nu/sgcu
  Replies (61) Good night (983) Bad night (6458)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence. http://tfl.nu/f8os
  Replies (10) Good night (2389) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!! http://tfl.nu/05kd
  Replies (15) Good night (4727) Bad night (1569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid. http://tfl.nu/ga4m
  Replies (30) Good night (5975) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS? (1-775): A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass! http://tfl.nu/lvgp
  Replies (16) Good night (1548) Bad night (2333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately? http://tfl.nu/0g6n
  Replies (18) Good night (7549) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character http://tfl.nu/1uae
  Replies (8) Good night (3494) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership. http://tfl.nu/f8ej
  Replies (50) Good night (6497) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church http://tfl.nu/wqjh
  Replies (3) Good night (828) Bad night (2719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning. (1-781): I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon. http://tfl.nu/wxu1
  Replies (19) Good night (5940) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up. (812): I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls? http://tfl.nu/pl92
  Replies (25) Good night (13866) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in. http://tfl.nu/efr3
  Replies (12) Good night (4386) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues. http://tfl.nu/sbd6
  Replies (9) Good night (1977) Bad night (1403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/70l7
  Replies (10) Good night (4703) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (22) Good night (13983) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love http://tfl.nu/xemn
  Replies (6) Good night (2477) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck (312): Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to? http://tfl.nu/odqf
  Replies (72) Good night (1951) Bad night (9076)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume. http://tfl.nu/blds
  Replies (47) Good night (3620) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen. http://tfl.nu/l4cq
  Replies (11) Good night (3274) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o9nw
  Replies (12) Good night (2313) Bad night (1259)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10535) Bad night (3065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick. http://tfl.nu/gzhw
  Replies (15) Good night (4497) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): 21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion. http://tfl.nu/915q
  Replies (6) Good night (3427) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan? http://tfl.nu/u97s
  Replies (15) Good night (3610) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say. http://tfl.nu/fs2e
  Replies (70) Good night (10186) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I think tonya harding is in my dwi class! (763): Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce. http://tfl.nu/qgog
  Replies (5) Good night (942) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33499) Bad night (1310)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): 90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you. http://tfl.nu/qiqv
  Replies (6) Good night (1925) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow. http://tfl.nu/11lx
  Replies (12) Good night (3607) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday http://tfl.nu/7nrp
  Replies (4) Good night (2876) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties. http://tfl.nu/3p0b
  Replies (32) Good night (7553) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself. http://tfl.nu/70br
  Replies (13) Good night (3135) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this... http://tfl.nu/jh8c
  Replies (19) Good night (1808) Bad night (2879)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option) http://tfl.nu/d3t6
  Replies (13) Good night (3962) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot. http://tfl.nu/f3j9
  Replies (20) Good night (6307) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thats like the definition of a good friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me. (630): Thats like the definition of a good friend http://tfl.nu/1tf7
  Replies (4) Good night (4879) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12751) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck. http://tfl.nu/kvtv
  Replies (10) Good night (2372) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10832) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life http://tfl.nu/i5i3
  Replies (13) Good night (4186) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore. http://tfl.nu/ogz1
  Replies (19) Good night (1046) Bad night (3653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  strike, motherfucker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em. (423): strike, motherfucker. http://tfl.nu/ain2
  Replies (4) Good night (2029) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays" http://tfl.nu/5s21
  Replies (38) Good night (3493) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/ukhl
  Replies (10) Good night (6377) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You up for the gym tonight after work?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Chris Brown style, or less felonious?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Haha, all felonious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248) You up for the gym tonight after work? (734): I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog. (248): Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today. (734): Chris Brown style, or less felonious? (248): Haha, all felonious. http://tfl.nu/kj7p
  Replies (5) Good night (1360) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): 3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn. http://tfl.nu/iak3
  Replies (8) Good night (1972) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  RUDE.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  outsmarted mickey deeeees

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions. (1-248): RUDE. (248): I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o. (1-248): outsmarted mickey deeeees http://tfl.nu/mqmo
  Replies (11) Good night (2711) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I love tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?! (1-902): I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey. (1-902): I love tequila. http://tfl.nu/s92h
  Replies (46) Good night (6692) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives. http://tfl.nu/v9m4
  Replies (11) Good night (7640) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them. http://tfl.nu/1ayu
  Replies (1) Good night (1342) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks. http://tfl.nu/ug5h
  Replies (16) Good night (1689) Bad night (3295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/thtn
  Replies (30) Good night (7905) Bad night (1118)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?" http://tfl.nu/fmqf
  Replies (57) Good night (780) Bad night (3904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably (1-404): No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars http://tfl.nu/q62q
  Replies (6) Good night (5551) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (11313) Bad night (2384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE. http://tfl.nu/ha03
  Replies (21) Good night (4208) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out" http://tfl.nu/bp43
  Replies (30) Good night (9139) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America. http://tfl.nu/aex4
  Replies (15) Good night (7393) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies. http://tfl.nu/6rhb
  Replies (35) Good night (7583) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real. http://tfl.nu/2bbh
  Replies (5) Good night (4652) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at http://tfl.nu/9oei
  Replies (20) Good night (4578) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere. http://tfl.nu/hx43
  Replies (6) Good night (2163) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. http://tfl.nu/lted
  Replies (104) Good night (8377) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (21371) Bad night (3005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies. http://tfl.nu/mtcu
  Replies (50) Good night (6581) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (48) Good night (8482) Bad night (1002)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (37) Good night (9023) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type. (1-813): Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type. http://tfl.nu/055q
  Replies (90) Good night (7871) Bad night (1551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5
  Replies (68) Good night (2183) Bad night (4381)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (80) Good night (30907) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country? http://tfl.nu/p4z6
  Replies (37) Good night (4557) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj
  Replies (63) Good night (11495) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success. http://tfl.nu/xbmk
  Replies (12) Good night (4431) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all. http://tfl.nu/glyl
  Replies (27) Good night (4760) Bad night (1629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19688) Bad night (2014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer. http://tfl.nu/s996
  Replies (22) Good night (4443) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+47): View more from Norway

  i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+47): i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls http://tfl.nu/1fkx
  Replies (48) Good night (10427) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out. http://tfl.nu/tea7
  Replies (14) Good night (7735) Bad night (1465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics http://tfl.nu/1cmu
  Replies (13) Good night (4719) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea. http://tfl.nu/jmc9
  Replies (22) Good night (3273) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name http://tfl.nu/48t9
  Replies (3) Good night (3126) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone http://tfl.nu/qe9x
  Replies (13) Good night (3072) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party. http://tfl.nu/nrd6
  Replies (16) Good night (2969) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass http://tfl.nu/zzr1
  Replies (19) Good night (3096) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  This girl is very crazy

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She's one of those compassionate ppl

  (586): View more from Michigan

  So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): This girl is very crazy (586): She's one of those compassionate ppl (586): So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her http://tfl.nu/xowa
  Replies (2) Good night (625) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol http://tfl.nu/6yav
  Replies (79) Good night (4605) Bad night (1674)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation http://tfl.nu/wur7
  Replies (14) Good night (4754) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test. http://tfl.nu/gxsj
  Replies (31) Good night (8083) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (12141) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead http://tfl.nu/s4ov
  Replies (7) Good night (3113) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading http://tfl.nu/n2uf
  Replies (31) Good night (2153) Bad night (1167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just realized these events may be related.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window. (352): Just realized these events may be related. http://tfl.nu/i6sd
  Replies (21) Good night (6290) Bad night (1869)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good. http://tfl.nu/t7su
  Replies (7) Good night (2819) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk. (610): I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect. http://tfl.nu/dim5
  Replies (43) Good night (13972) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight. http://tfl.nu/z22w
  Replies (5) Good night (6809) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
  Replies (31) Good night (8339) Bad night (2794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get" http://tfl.nu/yg96
  Replies (23) Good night (8766) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar. http://tfl.nu/d08o
  Replies (26) Good night (3951) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv http://tfl.nu/8yma
  Replies (17) Good night (4246) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s
  Replies (33) Good night (12124) Bad night (1224)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76
  Replies (22) Good night (7019) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life

  (619): View more from California

  with a huge shlong

  (440): View more from Ohio

  massive. i wanna make bitches cry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life (619): with a huge shlong (440): massive. i wanna make bitches cry http://tfl.nu/imk4
  Replies (39) Good night (5653) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever. http://tfl.nu/rea8
  Replies (358) Good night (24246) Bad night (7336)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51790) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away. http://tfl.nu/k6q1
  Replies (13) Good night (6282) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): 2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take. http://tfl.nu/jq3u
  Replies (20) Good night (2608) Bad night (1307)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  where the hell would u of bought a deer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it (1-717): where the hell would u of bought a deer http://tfl.nu/semf
  Replies (9) Good night (2726) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You could give me a blowjob later? :)

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I meant do something romantic..

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Blowjob In the moonlight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You could give me a blowjob later? :) (1-321): I meant do something romantic.. (321): Blowjob In the moonlight? http://tfl.nu/na1u
  Replies (13) Good night (6073) Bad night (1288)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues.... http://tfl.nu/vepi
  Replies (5) Good night (2069) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler. http://tfl.nu/mskj
  Replies (6) Good night (2524) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit" http://tfl.nu/bodh
  Replies (71) Good night (16365) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light. http://tfl.nu/vezf
  Replies (5) Good night (2567) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much http://tfl.nu/5fop
  Replies (2) Good night (1160) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  What!?!?! How are you txting?!

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you. (1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?! (775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/1ioc
  Replies (55) Good night (1040) Bad night (2950)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him. http://tfl.nu/c2pz
  Replies (12) Good night (6336) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math. http://tfl.nu/vxcn
  Replies (85) Good night (1380) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off. http://tfl.nu/wwj4
  Replies (11) Good night (3538) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew http://tfl.nu/mfmq
  Replies (8) Good night (3574) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  What's a "vodkaffle"?

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): What's a "vodkaffle"? (608): It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix. http://tfl.nu/84eu
  Replies (10) Good night (4070) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill. http://tfl.nu/zd59
  Replies (18) Good night (1011) Bad night (4984)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He was trying to put me in handcuffs.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You have my attention.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I scissor kicked a one legged man last night. (662): He was trying to put me in handcuffs. (1-662): You have my attention. http://tfl.nu/abr0
  Replies (25) Good night (1773) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/5zs6
  Replies (44) Good night (4361) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (81) Good night (2513) Bad night (8026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it. http://tfl.nu/4aze
  Replies (4) Good night (1101) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween! http://tfl.nu/sc01
  Replies (14) Good night (2166) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces. http://tfl.nu/5w4e
  Replies (16) Good night (6740) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon? http://tfl.nu/fld0
  Replies (66) Good night (7080) Bad night (1559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10556) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night http://tfl.nu/5cyj
  Replies (21) Good night (3529) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows. http://tfl.nu/3dnj
  Replies (10) Good night (5521) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half. http://tfl.nu/fs6e
  Replies (83) Good night (22275) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Walk of Shame time yet?

  (1+44): View more from

  Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Walk of Shame time yet? (1+44): Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling? http://tfl.nu/qcn9
  Replies (44) Good night (18487) Bad night (1338)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating http://tfl.nu/axfv
  Replies (24) Good night (8709) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet. http://tfl.nu/swmp
  Replies (18) Good night (9842) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (36) Good night (15260) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  class

  (574): View more from Indiana

  he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous (1-574): class (574): he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson http://tfl.nu/2w68
  Replies (46) Good night (4736) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): my new favorite insult= "thundercunt" http://tfl.nu/7c82
  Replies (48) Good night (4063) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): the best sex is "duke just lost" sex. http://tfl.nu/zw67
  Replies (33) Good night (6092) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better. http://tfl.nu/5s87
  Replies (43) Good night (1292) Bad night (5146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night

  (323): View more from California

  How mad was your dog?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night (323): How mad was your dog? http://tfl.nu/x6ig
  Replies (12) Good night (4103) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it? http://tfl.nu/bvee
  Replies (26) Good night (5746) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson. http://tfl.nu/pxr8
  Replies (286) Good night (4143) Bad night (4153)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers. http://tfl.nu/q78w
  Replies (9) Good night (3378) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (14410) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians (503): How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often? http://tfl.nu/gll8
  Replies (20) Good night (5094) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence. http://tfl.nu/pvbz
  Replies (11) Good night (5182) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Career choice validated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!" (732): Career choice validated http://tfl.nu/g765
  Replies (51) Good night (9306) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop. http://tfl.nu/tczb
  Replies (17) Good night (3293) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!". http://tfl.nu/pw3u
  Replies (8) Good night (3114) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick. http://tfl.nu/jjwi
  Replies (27) Good night (6366) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm. http://tfl.nu/s8ta
  Replies (4) Good night (1810) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock http://tfl.nu/cdtd
  Replies (29) Good night (610) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (110) Good night (46060) Bad night (2504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly http://tfl.nu/7zul
  Replies (3) Good night (1822) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection. http://tfl.nu/273s
  Replies (17) Good night (4370) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl
  Replies (34) Good night (5941) Bad night (2107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/y3gw
  Replies (11) Good night (8326) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going http://tfl.nu/w65t
  Replies (9) Good night (4006) Bad night (1703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink http://tfl.nu/effl
  Replies (6) Good night (4124) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas. http://tfl.nu/jpxs
  Replies (13) Good night (6107) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize. http://tfl.nu/r92i
  Replies (20) Good night (2956) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party. http://tfl.nu/of2q
  Replies (33) Good night (3552) Bad night (1237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches" http://tfl.nu/07la
  Replies (17) Good night (6367) Bad night (1615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa... http://tfl.nu/k3oe
  Replies (29) Good night (5216) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (51307) Bad night (2617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Fear?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  FEAR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear. (781): Fear? (617): FEAR. http://tfl.nu/5mzi
  Replies (5) Good night (2676) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  and technically it was a rebound

  (407): View more from Florida

  so lol

  (770): View more from Georgia

  and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): and technically it was a rebound (407): so lol (770): and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game http://tfl.nu/lfzh
  Replies (15) Good night (620) Bad night (2339)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw
  Replies (38) Good night (10953) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place http://tfl.nu/xlhx
  Replies (58) Good night (15852) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur
  Replies (141) Good night (19665) Bad night (2234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx
  Replies (30) Good night (12372) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley.. http://tfl.nu/q4d8
  Replies (13) Good night (3319) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both. http://tfl.nu/00se
  Replies (11) Good night (945) Bad night (3696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight http://tfl.nu/a290
  Replies (69) Good night (1183) Bad night (8872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs http://tfl.nu/yswk
  Replies (18) Good night (10423) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol. http://tfl.nu/hr46
  Replies (5) Good night (3003) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me? http://tfl.nu/6foj
  Replies (4) Good night (4352) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur
  Replies (16) Good night (8758) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk. http://tfl.nu/dygh
  Replies (2) Good night (2142) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come? http://tfl.nu/kmdd
  Replies (11) Good night (3224) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts. http://tfl.nu/1rjt
  Replies (2) Good night (1784) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro

  (773): View more from Illinois

  yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro (773): yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house. (708): how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience? http://tfl.nu/hgr9
  Replies (10) Good night (5133) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens. http://tfl.nu/pxin
  Replies (31) Good night (11324) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall http://tfl.nu/ora9
  Replies (6) Good night (3675) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy. http://tfl.nu/cg4z
  Replies (60) Good night (2135) Bad night (4976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed. http://tfl.nu/gt11
  Replies (7) Good night (4266) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  of course. lets lasso hookers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): of course. lets lasso hookers. http://tfl.nu/i5g9
  Replies (13) Good night (3969) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground? http://tfl.nu/issb
  Replies (19) Good night (4340) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place. http://tfl.nu/aqji
  Replies (9) Good night (5368) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities http://tfl.nu/y8n2
  Replies (3) Good night (2365) Bad night (1207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use. http://tfl.nu/kk0h
  Replies (12) Good night (6673) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/bad1
  Replies (30) Good night (3163) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this." http://tfl.nu/x2qj
  Replies (4) Good night (2498) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too http://tfl.nu/8x1l
  Replies (27) Good night (6827) Bad night (1308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion. http://tfl.nu/bsvq
  Replies (15) Good night (5255) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife. http://tfl.nu/0n10
  Replies (7) Good night (4576) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here. http://tfl.nu/k9so
  Replies (33) Good night (2346) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets". http://tfl.nu/hqdk
  Replies (15) Good night (8483) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation. http://tfl.nu/os3u
  Replies (13) Good night (4353) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double http://tfl.nu/55xg
  Replies (18) Good night (4655) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins. http://tfl.nu/zjez
  Replies (21) Good night (5273) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting." http://tfl.nu/6v74
  Replies (6) Good night (4455) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left. http://tfl.nu/3pzj
  Replies (9) Good night (7456) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance. http://tfl.nu/bz9b
  Replies (14) Good night (1214) Bad night (4148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right http://tfl.nu/du0e
  Replies (24) Good night (6040) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue! http://tfl.nu/4b94
  Replies (14) Good night (2954) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else. http://tfl.nu/yur0
  Replies (47) Good night (12824) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed. http://tfl.nu/o4xt
  Replies (46) Good night (7771) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (10352) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe. http://tfl.nu/6izf
  Replies (17) Good night (4104) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem. http://tfl.nu/kucl
  Replies (29) Good night (2004) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy http://tfl.nu/0d9q
  Replies (19) Good night (2632) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods." http://tfl.nu/7kxl
  Replies (17) Good night (749) Bad night (2872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go http://tfl.nu/n616
  Replies (7) Good night (3750) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her. http://tfl.nu/wxz7
  Replies (6) Good night (5218) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs. http://tfl.nu/67s4
  Replies (57) Good night (20775) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning http://tfl.nu/3svo
  Replies (10) Good night (5328) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour http://tfl.nu/3p9u
  Replies (10) Good night (2493) Bad night (1454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented. http://tfl.nu/jb6b
  Replies (810) Good night (12494) Bad night (5748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot. http://tfl.nu/k764
  Replies (3) Good night (1805) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that. http://tfl.nu/napz
  Replies (3) Good night (1695) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
  Replies (28) Good night (10274) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits. http://tfl.nu/t5fo
  Replies (6) Good night (2245) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely http://tfl.nu/gogl
  Replies (4) Good night (3026) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8781) Bad night (1945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (44) Good night (14942) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today? http://tfl.nu/iuhq
  Replies (9) Good night (4336) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (31) Good night (28912) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.

  (1-925): View more from California

  If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often. (1-925): If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough. http://tfl.nu/t59l
  Replies (1) Good night (1465) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in" http://tfl.nu/uuti
  Replies (6) Good night (4090) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  it's more of a rinse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar? (773): it's more of a rinse. http://tfl.nu/la1k
  Replies (66) Good night (1335) Bad night (2390)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx
  Replies (76) Good night (27566) Bad night (1613)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos. http://tfl.nu/t7k7
  Replies (11) Good night (4381) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5
  Replies (52) Good night (15912) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq
  Replies (91) Good night (24673) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly
  Replies (412) Good night (26051) Bad night (3436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65498) Bad night (3464)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw http://tfl.nu/mvua
  Replies (45) Good night (7338) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1. http://tfl.nu/a49b
  Replies (59) Good night (10969) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5
  Replies (140) Good night (7014) Bad night (1659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die. http://tfl.nu/szbq
  Replies (26) Good night (739) Bad night (3672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16781) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge http://tfl.nu/uife
  Replies (12) Good night (975) Bad night (3976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon http://tfl.nu/nm2q
  Replies (14) Good night (4528) Bad night (1291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued. http://tfl.nu/lx8b
  Replies (21) Good night (4785) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  youre welcome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.." (1-201): youre welcome http://tfl.nu/sjha
  Replies (10) Good night (5594) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college. http://tfl.nu/okdu
  Replies (6) Good night (3906) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off http://tfl.nu/q8op
  Replies (33) Good night (6852) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people. http://tfl.nu/d8wc
  Replies (24) Good night (7228) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm http://tfl.nu/xdgb
  Replies (16) Good night (5523) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner. http://tfl.nu/ytfs
  Replies (14) Good night (6906) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics http://tfl.nu/ne8m
  Replies (16) Good night (4155) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
  Replies (50) Good night (9245) Bad night (2847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow. http://tfl.nu/uyrp
  Replies (17) Good night (2476) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light. http://tfl.nu/5lx0
  Replies (34) Good night (1960) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively. http://tfl.nu/sa2o
  Replies (6) Good night (1177) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??

  (817): View more from Texas

  dude, everything can mix, this is college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): does wine, beer, and vodka mix well?? (817): dude, everything can mix, this is college. http://tfl.nu/mqi0
  Replies (24) Good night (6012) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks http://tfl.nu/5a6w
  Replies (5) Good night (7194) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book http://tfl.nu/0iyr
  Replies (18) Good night (1356) Bad night (6570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen http://tfl.nu/x16d
  Replies (15) Good night (3249) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin. http://tfl.nu/a8q9
  Replies (4) Good night (1922) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete? http://tfl.nu/gioo
  Replies (8) Good night (2048) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab. http://tfl.nu/smzr
  Replies (7) Good night (1784) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails http://tfl.nu/p7in
  Replies (12) Good night (3293) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid. http://tfl.nu/1sxi
  Replies (13) Good night (3475) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/atu5
  Replies (16) Good night (5713) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11917) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (38495) Bad night (3096)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive http://tfl.nu/n5td
  Replies (24) Good night (5020) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver. http://tfl.nu/x8br
  Replies (9) Good night (3530) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22347) Bad night (1531)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*

  (310): View more from California

  Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.* (310): Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche. http://tfl.nu/gxdj
  Replies (12) Good night (2768) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (18) Good night (12678) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit http://tfl.nu/gr8g
  Replies (13) Good night (2967) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American. http://tfl.nu/y4zk
  Replies (8) Good night (2697) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (13231) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio. http://tfl.nu/i1ck
  Replies (8) Good night (2585) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/abxi
  Replies (11) Good night (4510) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun http://tfl.nu/5s8r
  Replies (12) Good night (8446) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far. http://tfl.nu/t2l0
  Replies (24) Good night (4264) Bad night (1341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97
  Replies (25) Good night (5617) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot. http://tfl.nu/vxu1
  Replies (9) Good night (4186) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  damn...impressive bar tab

  (216): View more from Ohio

  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer http://tfl.nu/hyvf
  Replies (13) Good night (1158) Bad night (1858)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.

  (214): View more from Texas

  If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window. (214): If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day" http://tfl.nu/2bzp
  Replies (14) Good night (3959) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I hated hipsters before it was mainstream. http://tfl.nu/p566
  Replies (32) Good night (6137) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me. http://tfl.nu/826q
  Replies (131) Good night (14391) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay. http://tfl.nu/s25q
  Replies (8) Good night (3853) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (23661) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. http://tfl.nu/l5xu
  Replies (31) Good night (10186) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Someone's got a whale tail

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  A thong is hangin out?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  No, a fatty following them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Someone's got a whale tail (1-314): A thong is hangin out? (314): No, a fatty following them http://tfl.nu/cyed
  Replies (8) Good night (870) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  she looked like the bat from fern gully.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): she looked like the bat from fern gully. http://tfl.nu/q79p
  Replies (31) Good night (723) Bad night (3283) Order T-Shirt