I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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