Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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