allykinns's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles http://tfl.nu/ya5r
  Replies (46) Good night (17387) Bad night (1444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs? http://tfl.nu/k19f
  Replies (20) Good night (5897) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background

  (443): View more from Maryland

  that only happened once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag? (410): haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background (443): that only happened once. http://tfl.nu/9rml
  Replies (36) Good night (4881) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad http://tfl.nu/uv9f
  Replies (21) Good night (1284) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Succeeded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life? (503): Succeeded. http://tfl.nu/i020
  Replies (7) Good night (4460) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card http://tfl.nu/flh6
  Replies (27) Good night (3385) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (7112) Bad night (1602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain. http://tfl.nu/iymf
  Replies (16) Good night (2993) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you" http://tfl.nu/exld
  Replies (20) Good night (2341) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever. http://tfl.nu/glym
  Replies (22) Good night (5167) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/nr8v
  Replies (12) Good night (2843) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wasn't the only one with a full load.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket... (1-508): He wasn't the only one with a full load. http://tfl.nu/y8kb
  Replies (24) Good night (6191) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7787) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won. http://tfl.nu/68w0
  Replies (4) Good night (778) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me http://tfl.nu/z1h9
  Replies (2) Good night (989) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended http://tfl.nu/6iyq
  Replies (4) Good night (1273) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wish they made sweatshirts for legs

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  you mean pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I wish they made sweatshirts for legs (1-602): you mean pants? http://tfl.nu/ceop
  Replies (38) Good night (8485) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1393) Bad night (3676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys. http://tfl.nu/p4yk
  Replies (20) Good night (5914) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely" http://tfl.nu/sd7p
  Replies (27) Good night (1236) Bad night (3422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat? http://tfl.nu/b9c7
  Replies (159) Good night (2093) Bad night (35706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6791) Bad night (40788)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100283) Bad night (5708)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (491) Good night (133062) Bad night (5762)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Cats found the secret coke stash again

  (519): View more from Ontario

  They owe us $80.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Cats found the secret coke stash again (519): They owe us $80. http://tfl.nu/rzq5
  Replies (10) Good night (1902) Bad night (1260)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best? http://tfl.nu/g5yt
  Replies (15) Good night (3388) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF http://tfl.nu/rz1g
  Replies (19) Good night (3676) Bad night (1302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  #1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): #1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE http://tfl.nu/txty
  Replies (15) Good night (3812) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters http://tfl.nu/r1et
  Replies (20) Good night (3990) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ecxc
  Replies (11) Good night (1273) Bad night (4744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house. http://tfl.nu/po12
  Replies (10) Good night (1917) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  True life - we need to smoke together more often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters. (1-516): True life - we need to smoke together more often http://tfl.nu/s2bm
  Replies (8) Good night (3760) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;) http://tfl.nu/s5za
  Replies (14) Good night (2310) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial." http://tfl.nu/ubhg
  Replies (3) Good night (1472) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus. http://tfl.nu/kpmf
  Replies (26) Good night (8884) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face http://tfl.nu/f86d
  Replies (46) Good night (10569) Bad night (2606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo. (724): That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling http://tfl.nu/z57r
  Replies (23) Good night (2007) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm with your mom on this one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel. (224): I'm with your mom on this one. http://tfl.nu/c28m
  Replies (9) Good night (953) Bad night (2863)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me. http://tfl.nu/tnbf
  Replies (9) Good night (3839) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building. http://tfl.nu/he38
  Replies (5) Good night (787) Bad night (1826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems http://tfl.nu/ja9t
  Replies (13) Good night (3360) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT. http://tfl.nu/esfv
  Replies (4) Good night (2583) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  splinters make it hard to masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): splinters make it hard to masturbate http://tfl.nu/uhm3
  Replies (20) Good night (766) Bad night (6650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ? http://tfl.nu/brtl
  Replies (10) Good night (3948) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  ... oops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity? (847): haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that. (217): ... oops http://tfl.nu/gsy7
  Replies (4) Good night (1026) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch http://tfl.nu/6s8v
  Replies (13) Good night (2792) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do? http://tfl.nu/dze2
  Replies (36) Good night (420) Bad night (1637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  that was a gay-test. you passed.

  (1-562): View more from California

  with flying rainbow colors i hope!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): that was a gay-test. you passed. (1-562): with flying rainbow colors i hope! http://tfl.nu/yxlu
  Replies (13) Good night (3699) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that http://tfl.nu/fftq
  Replies (6) Good night (902) Bad night (2772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life. http://tfl.nu/h3s9
  Replies (33) Good night (4767) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize. http://tfl.nu/htot
  Replies (7) Good night (5154) Bad night (1130)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often http://tfl.nu/h345
  Replies (5) Good night (3107) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian http://tfl.nu/vq1a
  Replies (8) Good night (1808) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out. http://tfl.nu/chur
  Replies (10) Good night (3976) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘 http://tfl.nu/3lq0
  Replies (11) Good night (2393) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin. http://tfl.nu/eslz
  Replies (5) Good night (2270) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie http://tfl.nu/a0bb
  Replies (5) Good night (2953) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (43928) Bad night (1992)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower http://tfl.nu/7nvc
  Replies (6) Good night (2017) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again... http://tfl.nu/evlz
  Replies (8) Good night (1276) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall http://tfl.nu/fpdq
  Replies (36) Good night (8192) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink http://tfl.nu/9o16
  Replies (37) Good night (967) Bad night (2384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112189) Bad night (9721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba. http://tfl.nu/mbtr
  Replies (7) Good night (2712) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  that's what penises do

  (254): View more from Texas

  they tell lies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): that's what penises do (254): they tell lies. http://tfl.nu/si8y
  Replies (14) Good night (4540) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was. http://tfl.nu/26j1
  Replies (9) Good night (1178) Bad night (1372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed. http://tfl.nu/q7k6
  Replies (9) Good night (1307) Bad night (1633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/j2g5
  Replies (21) Good night (4137) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Yes.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!! (763): Yes. (612): fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria http://tfl.nu/wx8p
  Replies (37) Good night (4421) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win. http://tfl.nu/bjq4
  Replies (17) Good night (8838) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes. (1-541): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/axhz
  Replies (6) Good night (2096) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation. http://tfl.nu/d9l2
  Replies (4) Good night (740) Bad night (1867)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion http://tfl.nu/gpfj
  Replies (68) Good night (4577) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey. http://tfl.nu/dkad
  Replies (38) Good night (3718) Bad night (1483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it. http://tfl.nu/c1o6
  Replies (5) Good night (2830) Bad night (1907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them http://tfl.nu/te5k
  Replies (15) Good night (4361) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I had to brake up with him.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  In my experience drinking helps.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You dont want to know why?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Not really. I want to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I had to brake up with him. (602): In my experience drinking helps. (480): You dont want to know why? (602): Not really. I want to drink. http://tfl.nu/mwqo
  Replies (27) Good night (4471) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here. http://tfl.nu/jd5o
  Replies (8) Good night (3243) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected. http://tfl.nu/i708
  Replies (17) Good night (4871) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes. http://tfl.nu/ehgd
  Replies (35) Good night (904) Bad night (7940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (257) Good night (8205) Bad night (2225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me http://tfl.nu/hnft
  Replies (47) Good night (1087) Bad night (2788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop. http://tfl.nu/fta9
  Replies (14) Good night (5439) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. http://tfl.nu/7g2d
  Replies (35) Good night (1888) Bad night (3551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life http://tfl.nu/pzmw
  Replies (67) Good night (5796) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear? http://tfl.nu/9u5k
  Replies (111) Good night (1303) Bad night (5375)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO. http://tfl.nu/ip2n
  Replies (27) Good night (8272) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again http://tfl.nu/f45r
  Replies (1) Good night (1372) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time. http://tfl.nu/fjy0
  Replies (18) Good night (4368) Bad night (1872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness. http://tfl.nu/5j3m
  Replies (17) Good night (2572) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone http://tfl.nu/zfoz
  Replies (8) Good night (7939) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  69 |D_O

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  wtf does that mean??

  (602): View more from Arizona

  it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): 69 |D_O (1-602): wtf does that mean?? (602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently" http://tfl.nu/6ega
  Replies (59) Good night (7237) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life http://tfl.nu/ewvo
  Replies (152) Good night (3616) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk. http://tfl.nu/mos7
  Replies (17) Good night (7990) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl
  Replies (118) Good night (37782) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from http://tfl.nu/ptif
  Replies (69) Good night (7448) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night... http://tfl.nu/tx5p
  Replies (14) Good night (5595) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pappa wants mamma naked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pappa wants mamma naked http://tfl.nu/uc4c
  Replies (5) Good night (997) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (6111) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now

  (1-805): View more from California

  he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now (1-805): he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls http://tfl.nu/00r7
  Replies (82) Good night (4782) Bad night (1124)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that http://tfl.nu/8upf
  Replies (16) Good night (1623) Bad night (5323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up. http://tfl.nu/h2lf
  Replies (23) Good night (8035) Bad night (4802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  what if I'm pregnant?

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  smusmorshion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): what if I'm pregnant? (848): smusmorshion http://tfl.nu/vksj
  Replies (103) Good night (1831) Bad night (2849)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come. http://tfl.nu/qxho
  Replies (5) Good night (875) Bad night (1509)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify. http://tfl.nu/zod7
  Replies (6) Good night (4070) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56825) Bad night (4686)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64825) Bad night (2520)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73365) Bad night (2463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86058) Bad night (8368)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention http://tfl.nu/g2dg
  Replies (6) Good night (1401) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets. http://tfl.nu/f9nv
  Replies (6) Good night (1152) Bad night (2422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4603) Bad night (2606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am? http://tfl.nu/ceer
  Replies (12) Good night (2596) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in? http://tfl.nu/3561
  Replies (18) Good night (5985) Bad night (1231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times. http://tfl.nu/5360
  Replies (2) Good night (3344) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees. http://tfl.nu/sgqa
  Replies (8) Good night (1340) Bad night (3732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over. http://tfl.nu/5sx1
  Replies (1) Good night (4687) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister. http://tfl.nu/65yp
  Replies (8) Good night (6738) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it" http://tfl.nu/04ug
  Replies (4) Good night (5368) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast http://tfl.nu/g6rv
  Replies (15) Good night (1707) Bad night (4222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester... http://tfl.nu/gus9
  Replies (4) Good night (2617) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman. http://tfl.nu/z7nz
  Replies (6) Good night (4203) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i will never coherently bang her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i will never coherently bang her http://tfl.nu/z0d8
  Replies (6) Good night (677) Bad night (3038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive. http://tfl.nu/yffe
  Replies (19) Good night (4732) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads. http://tfl.nu/gq0b
  Replies (24) Good night (5212) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating.. http://tfl.nu/qbj3
  Replies (45) Good night (1304) Bad night (5331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks http://tfl.nu/ww87
  Replies (26) Good night (4023) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  summer is not the time to consider going full bush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): summer is not the time to consider going full bush. http://tfl.nu/4smx
  Replies (71) Good night (532) Bad night (3708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (7346) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics. http://tfl.nu/u31h
  Replies (25) Good night (5460) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together. http://tfl.nu/rbls
  Replies (4) Good night (3708) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years. http://tfl.nu/naiq
  Replies (5) Good night (2873) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face http://tfl.nu/ydcz
  Replies (13) Good night (4184) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis http://tfl.nu/rw8g
  Replies (2) Good night (4332) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell

  (816): View more from Missouri

  please tell me you are kidding me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell (816): please tell me you are kidding me http://tfl.nu/zfgp
  Replies (22) Good night (1424) Bad night (4635)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch http://tfl.nu/pswe
  Replies (7) Good night (6741) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  it's like russian roulette but with a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): it's like russian roulette but with a penis http://tfl.nu/nnes
  Replies (12) Good night (2442) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car. http://tfl.nu/xdru
  Replies (3) Good night (2799) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is http://tfl.nu/twoy
  Replies (19) Good night (4392) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone. http://tfl.nu/t9of
  Replies (8) Good night (4189) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero http://tfl.nu/dyje
  Replies (8) Good night (5281) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida http://tfl.nu/bfwv
  Replies (30) Good night (3522) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51677) Bad night (5687)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you http://tfl.nu/4fya
  Replies (14) Good night (970) Bad night (4391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS http://tfl.nu/k9df
  Replies (97) Good night (1535) Bad night (7462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted. http://tfl.nu/wtc2
  Replies (4) Good night (3024) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night" http://tfl.nu/prxk
  Replies (20) Good night (8422) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him. http://tfl.nu/eh64
  Replies (26) Good night (4982) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first. http://tfl.nu/qnn2
  Replies (11) Good night (1195) Bad night (5410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys. http://tfl.nu/g51j
  Replies (39) Good night (3797) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  that makes sense.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you... (1-850): that makes sense. http://tfl.nu/5jmk
  Replies (16) Good night (7134) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out. http://tfl.nu/lwob
  Replies (15) Good night (824) Bad night (3344)
• Favorite

  (450): View more from Quebec

  I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (450): I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life http://tfl.nu/01gr
  Replies (7) Good night (3991) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that. http://tfl.nu/ix7p
  Replies (15) Good night (3870) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets? http://tfl.nu/drj5
  Replies (23) Good night (2405) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go. http://tfl.nu/rhri
  Replies (13) Good night (2010) Bad night (3502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now. http://tfl.nu/f98q
  Replies (14) Good night (1973) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries. http://tfl.nu/9ep5
  Replies (8) Good night (4669) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  did it work

  (573): View more from Missouri

  that's not the point...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?" (314): did it work (573): that's not the point... http://tfl.nu/fjqb
  Replies (74) Good night (9395) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff. (404): Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks. http://tfl.nu/3kb3
  Replies (13) Good night (904) Bad night (3155)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11603) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (16536) Bad night (1190)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic http://tfl.nu/himg
  Replies (20) Good night (4845) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures. http://tfl.nu/uab2
  Replies (124) Good night (4782) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went. http://tfl.nu/jkvp
  Replies (14) Good night (4813) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck http://tfl.nu/779f
  Replies (33) Good night (985) Bad night (7320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7302) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water http://tfl.nu/opqy
  Replies (15) Good night (7416) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh

  (1-619): View more from California

  maybe you did when you were drunk

  (619): View more from California

  no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh (1-619): maybe you did when you were drunk (619): no way, i wasn't THAT drunk. http://tfl.nu/a663
  Replies (17) Good night (675) Bad night (2197)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it. http://tfl.nu/hzy8
  Replies (33) Good night (12479) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables. http://tfl.nu/8ikv
  Replies (25) Good night (5024) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me. http://tfl.nu/adnf
  Replies (16) Good night (816) Bad night (4450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight" http://tfl.nu/9yyv
  Replies (36) Good night (6977) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  What are you doing?

  (352): View more from Florida

  High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...

  (352): View more from Florida

  That guy could sell me cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): What are you doing? (352): High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials... (352): That guy could sell me cancer. http://tfl.nu/gkwe
  Replies (46) Good night (5069) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9823) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life??? http://tfl.nu/fjyx
  Replies (14) Good night (5900) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went. http://tfl.nu/2aw8
  Replies (25) Good night (5247) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom. http://tfl.nu/gtvn
  Replies (39) Good night (1005) Bad night (3781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me http://tfl.nu/y5hr
  Replies (27) Good night (796) Bad night (5709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off http://tfl.nu/q8op
  Replies (33) Good night (6842) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest. http://tfl.nu/fc4o
  Replies (9) Good night (5197) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off. http://tfl.nu/qavz
  Replies (34) Good night (6647) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  well, dont

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face. (970): well, dont (720): I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it. http://tfl.nu/lbqb
  Replies (32) Good night (6025) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  i'm home, then i'll come over

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa

  (514): View more from Quebec

  nvm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): i'm home, then i'll come over (1-514): ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa (514): nvm. http://tfl.nu/kqkd
  Replies (40) Good night (940) Bad night (3046)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high http://tfl.nu/hr6z
  Replies (9) Good night (2299) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  He looks like he has a penis

  (210): View more from Texas

  What the fuck

  (432): View more from Texas

  A good one, a good penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): He looks like he has a penis (210): What the fuck (432): A good one, a good penis http://tfl.nu/0vhk
  Replies (8) Good night (3985) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota

  (415): View more from California

  everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota (415): everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy http://tfl.nu/10ak
  Replies (152) Good night (670) Bad night (3311)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything http://tfl.nu/8gpe
  Replies (14) Good night (4175) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off. http://tfl.nu/n7xz
  Replies (18) Good night (535) Bad night (4635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true. http://tfl.nu/uoge
  Replies (2) Good night (572) Bad night (1550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, you need to talk to your mom

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  wtf?

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Dude, you need to talk to your mom (724): wtf? (412): She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you http://tfl.nu/71sh
  Replies (32) Good night (633) Bad night (4484)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20. http://tfl.nu/e9d3
  Replies (10) Good night (3960) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control. http://tfl.nu/p5nx
  Replies (9) Good night (1870) Bad night (4625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

  (760): View more from California

  When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex" (760): When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely." http://tfl.nu/jlap
  Replies (19) Good night (6735) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (2988) Bad night (11685)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry" http://tfl.nu/cwet
  Replies (39) Good night (7633) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one. http://tfl.nu/qdhb
  Replies (17) Good night (3796) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously http://tfl.nu/rnuw
  Replies (9) Good night (497) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (37) Good night (8714) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date

  (845): View more from New York

  i guess it runs in the family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date (845): i guess it runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/gfn4
  Replies (6) Good night (5198) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  i can respect that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you. (1-404): i can respect that. http://tfl.nu/fvjd
  Replies (14) Good night (4805) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again http://tfl.nu/4hwy
  Replies (16) Good night (710) Bad night (7778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila. http://tfl.nu/ecf3
  Replies (15) Good night (4885) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does. http://tfl.nu/fsmd
  Replies (18) Good night (4118) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.

  (1-310): View more from California

  damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley. (1-310): damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now. http://tfl.nu/1545
  Replies (65) Good night (2218) Bad night (3155)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): come over i need a lifeguard for my shower http://tfl.nu/1qns
  Replies (29) Good night (9551) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner. http://tfl.nu/49va
  Replies (19) Good night (5265) Bad night (2109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point. http://tfl.nu/b8y5
  Replies (48) Good night (1274) Bad night (5169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later? http://tfl.nu/fnnu
  Replies (13) Good night (1778) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Someone's got a whale tail

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  A thong is hangin out?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  No, a fatty following them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Someone's got a whale tail (1-314): A thong is hangin out? (314): No, a fatty following them http://tfl.nu/cyed
  Replies (8) Good night (845) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with. http://tfl.nu/j9qw
  Replies (22) Good night (4910) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/cp2f
  Replies (21) Good night (1072) Bad night (6901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  watch out for the queen of hearts

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  fuucck i forgot ab her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat (215): watch out for the queen of hearts (610): fuucck i forgot ab her http://tfl.nu/mo46
  Replies (15) Good night (5344) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please? http://tfl.nu/hm0j
  Replies (8) Good night (1908) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending. http://tfl.nu/khho
  Replies (6) Good night (4421) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition. http://tfl.nu/wjlr
  Replies (4) Good night (3373) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with. http://tfl.nu/tzze
  Replies (36) Good night (13420) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!

  (678): View more from Georgia

  correction: escorted out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?! (678): correction: escorted out http://tfl.nu/gkul
  Replies (23) Good night (5094) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots' http://tfl.nu/c9v2
  Replies (4) Good night (2838) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was. http://tfl.nu/ww86
  Replies (12) Good night (3386) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence

  (415): View more from California

  shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence (415): shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy. http://tfl.nu/3ya6
  Replies (12) Good night (8305) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on . http://tfl.nu/rwb5
  Replies (9) Good night (1292) Bad night (3211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present. http://tfl.nu/7tah
  Replies (12) Good night (4856) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?" http://tfl.nu/8dlf
  Replies (11) Good night (4675) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again. http://tfl.nu/0kiq
  Replies (9) Good night (3690) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number. http://tfl.nu/oux0
  Replies (11) Good night (5914) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila http://tfl.nu/mhdt
  Replies (8) Good night (1753) Bad night (2351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee. http://tfl.nu/x3vo
  Replies (3) Good night (2277) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign. http://tfl.nu/rxal
  Replies (6) Good night (3876) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood http://tfl.nu/iriz
  Replies (15) Good night (834) Bad night (4480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number? http://tfl.nu/po3x
  Replies (7) Good night (8795) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink http://tfl.nu/i8us
  Replies (9) Good night (6171) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid. http://tfl.nu/2ym3
  Replies (25) Good night (7417) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5. http://tfl.nu/y0zl
  Replies (9) Good night (5202) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges http://tfl.nu/3nw2
  Replies (24) Good night (1255) Bad night (6340)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked. http://tfl.nu/a12i
  Replies (9) Good night (4708) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on. http://tfl.nu/d9b8
  Replies (9) Good night (1254) Bad night (3691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck. http://tfl.nu/69rd
  Replies (17) Good night (7705) Bad night (1907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song? http://tfl.nu/zr38
  Replies (26) Good night (3135) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party http://tfl.nu/zlvv
  Replies (11) Good night (5270) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology. http://tfl.nu/vyx3
  Replies (9) Good night (3240) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Moment of silence for the loss of that option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues. (478): Moment of silence for the loss of that option. http://tfl.nu/jcvy
  Replies (29) Good night (1731) Bad night (6926)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you http://tfl.nu/jrvn
  Replies (20) Good night (5451) Bad night (1811)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses. http://tfl.nu/pr98
  Replies (11) Good night (6479) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far http://tfl.nu/58dc
  Replies (11) Good night (5588) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops. http://tfl.nu/sp9a
  Replies (10) Good night (5720) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute". http://tfl.nu/z3mu
  Replies (29) Good night (1711) Bad night (3226)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship. http://tfl.nu/eyj6
  Replies (9) Good night (4517) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?! http://tfl.nu/1fx5
  Replies (12) Good night (6554) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night. http://tfl.nu/t8p9
  Replies (6) Good night (2908) Bad night (1532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever http://tfl.nu/615b
  Replies (11) Good night (5582) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS. http://tfl.nu/26xz
  Replies (37) Good night (9630) Bad night (2025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season. http://tfl.nu/pxkc
  Replies (14) Good night (3448) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun. http://tfl.nu/h48x
  Replies (21) Good night (3760) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop

  (213): View more from California

  so that means christmas in space?

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop (213): so that means christmas in space? (781): imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi http://tfl.nu/5ssx
  Replies (14) Good night (6854) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours. http://tfl.nu/gzj7
  Replies (5) Good night (4919) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you http://tfl.nu/pwks
  Replies (11) Good night (5425) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes. http://tfl.nu/0q3l
  Replies (18) Good night (6654) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath? http://tfl.nu/la37
  Replies (14) Good night (1175) Bad night (3874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you http://tfl.nu/qvrh
  Replies (21) Good night (2869) Bad night (1306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/rwph
  Replies (19) Good night (1445) Bad night (4845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop. http://tfl.nu/2w6b
  Replies (14) Good night (2788) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit. http://tfl.nu/aa9j
  Replies (20) Good night (7126) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet. http://tfl.nu/230n
  Replies (5) Good night (2820) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb http://tfl.nu/zgfq
  Replies (24) Good night (4187) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning http://tfl.nu/efma
  Replies (8) Good night (987) Bad night (2585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america http://tfl.nu/uvbf
  Replies (23) Good night (1523) Bad night (4745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in http://tfl.nu/9hap
  Replies (8) Good night (3675) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen http://tfl.nu/5vux
  Replies (25) Good night (2299) Bad night (10895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat. http://tfl.nu/aisk
  Replies (5) Good night (3026) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name http://tfl.nu/d4zs
  Replies (12) Good night (3740) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/bshy
  Replies (46) Good night (6357) Bad night (2658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain". http://tfl.nu/ukpa
  Replies (26) Good night (14318) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window. http://tfl.nu/6pvh
  Replies (35) Good night (1489) Bad night (8458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster http://tfl.nu/810i
  Replies (9) Good night (2575) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up http://tfl.nu/h8cl
  Replies (14) Good night (5285) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?

  (509): View more from Washington

  You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it? (509): You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge. http://tfl.nu/hjyd
  Replies (7) Good night (3742) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks? http://tfl.nu/o217
  Replies (5) Good night (3161) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card. http://tfl.nu/ujy9
  Replies (11) Good night (7978) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis. http://tfl.nu/iwbw
  Replies (5) Good night (4040) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels http://tfl.nu/u0pv
  Replies (7) Good night (2808) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know.. http://tfl.nu/03rh
  Replies (8) Good night (3824) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined. http://tfl.nu/nnky
  Replies (4) Good night (3017) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them. http://tfl.nu/edqp
  Replies (9) Good night (4682) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days. http://tfl.nu/gr0g
  Replies (14) Good night (1491) Bad night (2225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c
  Replies (30) Good night (7908) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people. http://tfl.nu/g4iv
  Replies (6) Good night (3522) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade. http://tfl.nu/xjtk
  Replies (6) Good night (4311) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/xbiu
  Replies (14) Good night (5728) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever. http://tfl.nu/wct5
  Replies (15) Good night (1177) Bad night (5599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle. http://tfl.nu/3luk
  Replies (25) Good night (6112) Bad night (1774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  My astrological sign? Vagitarius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): My astrological sign? Vagitarius. http://tfl.nu/0z0j
  Replies (20) Good night (3454) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible... http://tfl.nu/v1vf
  Replies (33) Good night (6887) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Yes and so do I

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore? (1-702): Yes and so do I http://tfl.nu/4rgh
  Replies (47) Good night (4203) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (204) Good night (86436) Bad night (7094)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Some one left their pants in the elevator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Some one left their pants in the elevator. http://tfl.nu/4aog
  Replies (7) Good night (4185) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver. http://tfl.nu/n7jh
  Replies (23) Good night (5463) Bad night (1741)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely. http://tfl.nu/v43n
  Replies (4) Good night (2767) Bad night (1615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle

  (648): View more from

  Since when is drunk an angle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle (648): Since when is drunk an angle? http://tfl.nu/dhcr
  Replies (12) Good night (7058) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour.... http://tfl.nu/achx
  Replies (6) Good night (3814) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is. http://tfl.nu/bxv0
  Replies (7) Good night (4525) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him? http://tfl.nu/7fnz
  Replies (17) Good night (1574) Bad night (4292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat http://tfl.nu/80p4
  Replies (19) Good night (6705) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical. http://tfl.nu/zk2m
  Replies (13) Good night (1145) Bad night (2944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty. http://tfl.nu/tep7
  Replies (30) Good night (14479) Bad night (1048)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

  (516): View more from New York

  Do you have to put it that way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him. (1-516): yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him. (516): Do you have to put it that way? http://tfl.nu/hbgy
  Replies (21) Good night (6038) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed. http://tfl.nu/8sey
  Replies (12) Good night (827) Bad night (2889)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine. http://tfl.nu/l8j9
  Replies (19) Good night (1242) Bad night (2715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice http://tfl.nu/wuko
  Replies (11) Good night (3153) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome' http://tfl.nu/u586
  Replies (17) Good night (4469) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were. http://tfl.nu/skxs
  Replies (5) Good night (5179) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas. http://tfl.nu/h7nj
  Replies (4) Good night (3942) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this... http://tfl.nu/q2aq
  Replies (13) Good night (4136) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights. http://tfl.nu/zugt
  Replies (18) Good night (903) Bad night (3409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room http://tfl.nu/yi7m
  Replies (13) Good night (1279) Bad night (3666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water.. http://tfl.nu/3ccr
  Replies (16) Good night (1143) Bad night (4011)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being. http://tfl.nu/lv2s
  Replies (13) Good night (7945) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes http://tfl.nu/lgb8
  Replies (4) Good night (3922) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
  Replies (45) Good night (23017) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25455) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (66) Good night (25120) Bad night (2646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (98) Good night (27337) Bad night (1732)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (28635) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75
  Replies (37) Good night (25073) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx
  Replies (56) Good night (26237) Bad night (1527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest http://tfl.nu/54ul
  Replies (41) Good night (27385) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina http://tfl.nu/2dpv
  Replies (92) Good night (27648) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (31) Good night (28846) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (27979) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2. http://tfl.nu/m96w
  Replies (84) Good night (27546) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (26502) Bad night (1259)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (28025) Bad night (2531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33891) Bad night (3562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (61) Good night (30524) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (29631) Bad night (1291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (157) Good night (31284) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (31470) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36457) Bad night (4989)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (31762) Bad night (2245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (33557) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  How do you jack off and text at the same time?

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  On my iPhone they have an app for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): How do you jack off and text at the same time? (1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that http://tfl.nu/2tk7
  Replies (84) Good night (31338) Bad night (1745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38526) Bad night (1464)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (38403) Bad night (3071)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38277) Bad night (1721)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos. http://tfl.nu/9xke
  Replies (194) Good night (38110) Bad night (1491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room. http://tfl.nu/3nsa
  Replies (86) Good night (39669) Bad night (1947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Wtf? Why?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I want awesome conversations to show the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs (1-702): Wtf? Why? (702): I want awesome conversations to show the world. http://tfl.nu/kf4n
  Replies (27) Good night (4341) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat. http://tfl.nu/e56w
  Replies (19) Good night (806) Bad night (4682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (38307) Bad night (1648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (46408) Bad night (2024) Order T-Shirt