You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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