I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Loading more great texts...