Grazztoke420's Favorites Texts:

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• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.

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  (586): I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman. http://tfl.nu/wow9
  Replies (2) Good night (324) Bad night (149) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.

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  (216): Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know. (440): Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl. http://tfl.nu/hazv
  Replies (2) Good night (1788) Bad night (155)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.

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  (616): You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today. http://tfl.nu/z6l8
  Replies (2) Good night (615) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"

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  (803): I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge" http://tfl.nu/k0vq
  Replies (4) Good night (987) Bad night (220) Order T-Shirt
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  (655): View more from

  Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?

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  (655): Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall? http://tfl.nu/cvrt
  Replies (12) Good night (1609) Bad night (220) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person

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  (817): My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person http://tfl.nu/r4rm
  Replies (3) Good night (1127) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.

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  (989): Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing. http://tfl.nu/a55j
  Replies (1) Good night (455) Bad night (124) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.

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  (613): All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real. http://tfl.nu/5379
  Replies (10) Good night (2094) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What drugs are we doing when you visit?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.

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  (402): What drugs are we doing when you visit? (1-402): The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles. http://tfl.nu/97ps
  Replies (2) Good night (906) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...

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  (720): What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book... http://tfl.nu/q46p
  Replies (5) Good night (1001) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out

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  (515): I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out http://tfl.nu/6wgt
  Replies (4) Good night (1458) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.

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  (760): I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite. http://tfl.nu/b3g6
  Replies (1) Good night (1173) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (5012) Bad night (1836)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....

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  (775): Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW.... http://tfl.nu/zpmo
  Replies (6) Good night (1054) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.

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  (306): This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks. http://tfl.nu/6laj
  Replies (4) Good night (1548) Bad night (211) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.

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  (303): Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package. http://tfl.nu/50h2
  Replies (3) Good night (782) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.

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  (254): I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits. http://tfl.nu/syex
  Replies (10) Good night (933) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.

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  (619): We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows. http://tfl.nu/xsuo
  Replies (7) Good night (2282) Bad night (202) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Are we in any of the areas with tornados?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.

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  (520): Are we in any of the areas with tornados? (931): Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/dq1c
  Replies (2) Good night (755) Bad night (175)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.

  (415): View more from California

  I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext

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  (317): TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT. (415): I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext http://tfl.nu/qb0z
  Replies (7) Good night (2297) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it

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  (774): Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down? (978): I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it http://tfl.nu/io4i
  Replies (6) Good night (926) Bad night (227)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.

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  (218): Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out. http://tfl.nu/tj30
  Replies (4) Good night (700) Bad night (688)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.

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  (512): There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls. http://tfl.nu/qrvu
  Replies (6) Good night (1231) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.

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  (570): I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/gcag
  Replies (1) Good night (393) Bad night (516)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.

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  (406): We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/u1e7
  Replies (5) Good night (825) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Mole people?

  (425): View more from Washington

  Mole people

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  (425): The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are. (541): Mole people? (425): Mole people http://tfl.nu/8coi
  Replies (8) Good night (1113) Bad night (257)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.

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  (515): We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high. http://tfl.nu/7iqu
  Replies (13) Good night (1133) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission

  (925): View more from California

  Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol

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  (925): I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission (925): Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol http://tfl.nu/zmin
  Replies (8) Good night (1668) Bad night (303)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"

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  (336): I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body" http://tfl.nu/dnkv
  Replies (8) Good night (1812) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT

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  (404): Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT http://tfl.nu/tfsq
  Replies (4) Good night (781) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.

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  (570): Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me. http://tfl.nu/6mb8
  Replies (8) Good night (624) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM

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  (610): I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM http://tfl.nu/hx9z
  Replies (22) Good night (1213) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.

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  (610): I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA. http://tfl.nu/fhl1
  Replies (5) Good night (1011) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?

  (1-504): View more from Louisiana

  omg mom no

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  It's so blood brotha crip what be good

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  (504): How many stacks you been grindin gangsta? (1-504): omg mom no (504): It's so blood brotha crip what be good http://tfl.nu/20m9
  Replies (17) Good night (2020) Bad night (564)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.

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  (814): My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed. http://tfl.nu/4uwe
  Replies (7) Good night (2393) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno

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  (617): If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno http://tfl.nu/05ob
  Replies (8) Good night (707) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  How high are you?

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  (561): Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter. (1-561): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/9cbn
  Replies (18) Good night (749) Bad night (1340)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.

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  (610): And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting. http://tfl.nu/51mm
  Replies (10) Good night (503) Bad night (1334) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.

  (1-585): View more from New York

  How high are you?

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  (585): Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies. (1-585): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/ixro
  Replies (6) Good night (2158) Bad night (312)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings

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  (412): I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings http://tfl.nu/tlmy
  Replies (5) Good night (832) Bad night (1232)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN

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  (603): YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN http://tfl.nu/ns4x
  Replies (16) Good night (1493) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM

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  (336): Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM http://tfl.nu/7din
  Replies (9) Good night (1669) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm romantic.

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  (306): I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones. (306): I'm romantic. http://tfl.nu/dair
  Replies (4) Good night (1382) Bad night (303)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!

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  (910): It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed! http://tfl.nu/bbxy
  Replies (10) Good night (1799) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19644) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...

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  (503): Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out... http://tfl.nu/v7xz
  Replies (6) Good night (689) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.

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  (914): All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore. http://tfl.nu/ai56
  Replies (6) Good night (2818) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.

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  (714): Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends. http://tfl.nu/ft9d
  Replies (17) Good night (4244) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  were you high?

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  When?

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  Actually just blanket yes to that question

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  (505): were you high? (1-505): When? (1-505): Actually just blanket yes to that question http://tfl.nu/yc7i
  Replies (2) Good night (1888) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me

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  (913): How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways. (913): 1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me http://tfl.nu/tb9a
  Replies (12) Good night (3235) Bad night (553)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I cant shower it involves moving...

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.

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  (317): I cant shower it involves moving... (219): Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame. http://tfl.nu/d6ka
  Replies (8) Good night (2264) Bad night (494)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.

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  (919): I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned. http://tfl.nu/aln7
  Replies (4) Good night (1768) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.

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  (214): Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse. http://tfl.nu/4gmt
  Replies (35) Good night (9951) Bad night (3028) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so im guessing thats a no.....

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  (216): dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits." (814): so im guessing thats a no..... http://tfl.nu/rer4
  Replies (25) Good night (1130) Bad night (3489)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.

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  (606): after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls. http://tfl.nu/ni37
  Replies (17) Good night (5412) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.

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  (812): Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding. http://tfl.nu/ofow
  Replies (16) Good night (2258) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Can I have him when you're done?

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  (903): He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding (541): Can I have him when you're done? http://tfl.nu/4y2y
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.

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  (651): And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab. http://tfl.nu/lb7r
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH

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  (775): I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH http://tfl.nu/ef88
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.

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  (937): How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold. http://tfl.nu/0xc1
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.

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  (406): Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit. http://tfl.nu/3sfk
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  (707): View more from California

  They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.

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  (707): They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR. (705): I NEED to see if his girl has a sister. http://tfl.nu/ou19
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry

  (1-307): View more from Wyoming

  I'm hurrying

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Dude. She just shit herself.

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  (307): Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry (1-307): I'm hurrying (307): Dude. She just shit herself. http://tfl.nu/4o8b
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.

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  (978): his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave. http://tfl.nu/6huv
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great

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  (978): It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great http://tfl.nu/o9gd
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  This kid is drunk.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.

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  (240): This kid is drunk. (410): I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted. http://tfl.nu/8aqa
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

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  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
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  (813): View more from Florida

  You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.

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  (813): You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon. http://tfl.nu/vfo5
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.

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  (651): When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end. http://tfl.nu/o22d
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.

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  (719): I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm. http://tfl.nu/n4fu
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  (+66): View more from Thailand

  Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.

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  (+66): Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees. http://tfl.nu/3h4e
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

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  (712): That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time" http://tfl.nu/be6i
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles. 

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  (+44): Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles. http://tfl.nu/yunu
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.

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  (508): So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs. http://tfl.nu/eq7w
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  (561): View more from Florida

  he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him

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  (561): he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him http://tfl.nu/gz84
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot

  (313): View more from Michigan

  He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all

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  (313): I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot (313): He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all http://tfl.nu/6st3
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

  (801): View more from Utah

  I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

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  (801): I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high. (1-801): We could get him to build Inspector Gadget. (801): I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!! http://tfl.nu/5lpc
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  (+33): View more from France

  We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?

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  (+33): We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be? http://tfl.nu/rs8r
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ur plase or mine? lol

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.

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  (908): ur plase or mine? lol (1-908): well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine. http://tfl.nu/rmr0
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.

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  (412): There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever. http://tfl.nu/yvee
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?

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  (615): His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win? http://tfl.nu/uubh
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.

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  (715): I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help. http://tfl.nu/ztsu
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.

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  (567): For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts. http://tfl.nu/swyw
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid

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  (314): I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid http://tfl.nu/zczt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade

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  (802): Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade http://tfl.nu/ve1a
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  (904): View more from Florida

  There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?

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  (904): There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it? http://tfl.nu/a6bf
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

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  (706): Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully. http://tfl.nu/qn1h
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...

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  (586): Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him... http://tfl.nu/q62j
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  (305): View more from Florida

  why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?

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  (305): why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do? http://tfl.nu/hnao
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?

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  (248): THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday? http://tfl.nu/raf6
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  (949): View more from California

  Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

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  (949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies

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  (902): Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years. (1-902): Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies http://tfl.nu/48gx
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  (516): View more from New York

  ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?

  (585): View more from New York

  hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that

  (516): View more from New York

  is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?

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  (516): ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year? (585): hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that (516): is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ? http://tfl.nu/juy6
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  dude you need to get laid

  (906): View more from Michigan

  me?

  (616): View more from Michigan

  no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months

  (906): View more from Michigan

  oh I thought you were talkin about me

  (906): View more from Michigan

  wait

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  (616): dude you need to get laid (906): me? (616): no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months (906): oh I thought you were talkin about me (906): wait http://tfl.nu/self
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  (469): View more from Texas

  FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.

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  (469): FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES. http://tfl.nu/zom1
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"

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  (+61): I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer" http://tfl.nu/7qtl
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold

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  (256): made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold http://tfl.nu/0w5z
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  (949): View more from California

  Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.

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  (949): Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless. http://tfl.nu/j4zx
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits

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  (952): you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits http://tfl.nu/5p30
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  (310): View more from California

  Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

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  (310): Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho http://tfl.nu/chvf
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

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  (613): oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt http://tfl.nu/x2m1
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!

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  (248): Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy! http://tfl.nu/x7i6
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  wtf, did you fuck a retard?!

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  (860): he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape (617): wtf, did you fuck a retard?! http://tfl.nu/q1iv
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.

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  (859): We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints. http://tfl.nu/0ly1
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  (914): View more from New York

  He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF

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  (914): He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF http://tfl.nu/rz1g
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What time did you start drinking?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe isn't a time...

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  (617): What time did you start drinking? (978): Maybe. (617): Maybe isn't a time... http://tfl.nu/r4p5
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one

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  (978): Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one http://tfl.nu/zma0
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.

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  (847): I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE (1-847): This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to. http://tfl.nu/xeyh
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride

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  (540): she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride http://tfl.nu/utbu
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha how do you remember that?

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  HOW COULD I FORGET?!

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  (717): Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later. (1-717): Haha how do you remember that? (717): HOW COULD I FORGET?! http://tfl.nu/ylr0
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.

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  (608): But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full! (715): I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering. http://tfl.nu/shs1
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.

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  (765): we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/328h
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk

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  (612): I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk http://tfl.nu/r6qp
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.

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  (580): White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy. http://tfl.nu/gb3d
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Does it come with a cage?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes. and food and toys.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i'll trade you an 8th for it

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  deal.

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  (201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal. http://tfl.nu/2d4g
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i wish peter jackson would direct porn

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  (715): i wish peter jackson would direct porn http://tfl.nu/76vz
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  (650): View more from California

  Why were you high on a thursday?

  (1-650): View more from California

  today's a wednesday

  (650): View more from California

  I asked first.

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  (650): Why were you high on a thursday? (1-650): today's a wednesday (650): I asked first. http://tfl.nu/enxr
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  (858): View more from California

  in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"

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  (858): in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby" http://tfl.nu/q8vs
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.

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  (319): True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes (847): And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me. (319): At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements. http://tfl.nu/k3x0
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.

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  (717): You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills. http://tfl.nu/kjxm
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.

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  (612): all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high. http://tfl.nu/s4fq
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano

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  (210): I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano http://tfl.nu/qhs9
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?

  (408): View more from California

  JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.

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  (902): Is this a genuine concern or are you just high? (408): JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN. http://tfl.nu/lbkb
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  (305): View more from Florida

  After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.

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  (305): After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it. http://tfl.nu/111s
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

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  (919): you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt. http://tfl.nu/2jv4
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee

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  (404): I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee http://tfl.nu/kgs2
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  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

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  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

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  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
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  (626): View more from California

  He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.

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  (626): He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is. http://tfl.nu/ui1w
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Whatcha textin bout Willis?

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  (647): Whatcha textin bout Willis? http://tfl.nu/s0y0
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  (817): View more from Texas

  After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.

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  (817): After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot. http://tfl.nu/l939
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.

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  (320): I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on. http://tfl.nu/x1xg
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.

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  (604): Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den. http://tfl.nu/26h2
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.

  (904): View more from Florida

  FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift

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  (614): Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing. (904): FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift http://tfl.nu/ws8p
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  (707): View more from California

  she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute

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  (707): she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute http://tfl.nu/emog
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.

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  (303): His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed. http://tfl.nu/yv11
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Stop drinking at work.

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  (402): I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit" (308): Stop drinking at work. http://tfl.nu/v2m5
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.

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  (928): I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop. http://tfl.nu/tczb
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.

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  (810): we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect. http://tfl.nu/l0ek
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend

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  (678): Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend http://tfl.nu/u7rd
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

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  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

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  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
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  (530): View more from California

  shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

  (1-530): View more from California

  just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

  (530): View more from California

  yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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  (530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

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  (321): When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me. http://tfl.nu/jzk3
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..

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  (252): He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it.. http://tfl.nu/x7yt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.

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  (440): omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave. http://tfl.nu/dpnt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.

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  (918): It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin. http://tfl.nu/vso7
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"

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  (623): No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough" http://tfl.nu/d4rh
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  (646): View more from New York

  Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  what. the. fuck.

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  (646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now. (1-646): what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/rzew
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.

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  (732): Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab. http://tfl.nu/smzr
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks

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  (586): There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks http://tfl.nu/aadi
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

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  (954): I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears. http://tfl.nu/6ckb
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  (210): View more from Texas

  By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE

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  (210): By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE http://tfl.nu/98pz
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  (214): View more from Texas

  i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  oh fuck your right

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  (214): i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can. (1-214): oh fuck your right http://tfl.nu/6rmf
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle

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  (810): This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle http://tfl.nu/hm2k
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.

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  (912): Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy. http://tfl.nu/2f82
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.

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  (425): Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars. http://tfl.nu/v0mr
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  (863): View more from Florida

  There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.

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  (863): There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent. http://tfl.nu/g0ez
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  (562): View more from California

  you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.

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  (562): you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/7o6u
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.

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  (203): The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice. http://tfl.nu/qfp9
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  (415): View more from California

  Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.

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  (415): Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting. http://tfl.nu/yl2c
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  this is your brother

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  (978): im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;) (1-978): this is your brother http://tfl.nu/l4xz
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind

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  (773): I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind http://tfl.nu/hlcm
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he should get drunk with us

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  (610): walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant (1-610): he should get drunk with us http://tfl.nu/datt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Four. Poor grandma...

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  (403): I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught. (403): Four. Poor grandma... http://tfl.nu/klxl
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

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  (303): I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight http://tfl.nu/nfvu
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

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  (603): Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair http://tfl.nu/7ypz
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore

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  (706): If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore http://tfl.nu/b6gx
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  (805): View more from California

  I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.

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  (805): I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals. http://tfl.nu/6f3c
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.

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  (563): She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me. http://tfl.nu/so2a
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck

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  (401): you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck http://tfl.nu/4wd4
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I only kidnapped one of them. chill

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  (205): I only kidnapped one of them. chill http://tfl.nu/ogw5
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave

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  (781): I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave http://tfl.nu/vjg2
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.

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  (541): Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused. http://tfl.nu/dae0
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  (941): View more from Florida

  For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.

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  (941): For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around. http://tfl.nu/txv7
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.

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  (815): I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire. http://tfl.nu/5e7s
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over

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  (732): the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over http://tfl.nu/4t6t
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  (310): View more from California

  as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'

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  (310): as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!' http://tfl.nu/csk1
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.

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  (206): He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking. http://tfl.nu/jryu
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...

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  (307): If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter... http://tfl.nu/rvqi
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

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  (908): Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner. http://tfl.nu/otz7
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.

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  (773): Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys. http://tfl.nu/g51j
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip

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  (609): i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip http://tfl.nu/9463
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  (408): View more from California

  420 ftw

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  (408): 420 ftw http://tfl.nu/c4kx
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.

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  (425): I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning. http://tfl.nu/lhtu
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  (909): View more from California

  I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

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  (909): I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice. http://tfl.nu/z7v3
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"

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  (512): Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo" http://tfl.nu/rorc
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes

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  (860): no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes http://tfl.nu/dswl
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  (949): View more from California

  Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami

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  (949): Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami http://tfl.nu/v8jf
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

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  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...

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  (516): I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero... http://tfl.nu/d5tx
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.

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  (813): I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life. http://tfl.nu/zrqp
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  (206): View more from Washington

  What should our trivia night team be named?

  (925): View more from California

  Define Statutory

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  (206): What should our trivia night team be named? (925): Define Statutory http://tfl.nu/hrvk
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

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  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
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  (212): View more from New York

  This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.

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  (212): This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING. http://tfl.nu/5495
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, if you don't take her, I will.

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  (901): She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle. (1-901): Dude, if you don't take her, I will. http://tfl.nu/8ufn
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?

  (941): View more from Florida

  better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn

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  (615): Why do guys in porn never have boxers on? (941): better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn http://tfl.nu/0wxg
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  (210): View more from Texas

  "Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"

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  (210): "Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People" http://tfl.nu/6fy6
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  (949): View more from California

  youre so sexy i want your bod

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude, did you turn gay?

  (949): View more from California

  heather?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  this is jacob

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  (949): youre so sexy i want your bod (410): dude, did you turn gay? (949): heather? (410): this is jacob http://tfl.nu/gn2b
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

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  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
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  (631): View more from New York

  I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.

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  (631): I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate. http://tfl.nu/leco
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.

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  (419): The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song. http://tfl.nu/rv8e
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices

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  (207): Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices http://tfl.nu/clic
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'

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  (847): just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame' http://tfl.nu/un7j
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa

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  (848): I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa http://tfl.nu/605l
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.

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  (734): You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia. http://tfl.nu/z7s6
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

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  (616): whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook. (231): i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment. http://tfl.nu/fvdt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i feel rough

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.

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  (617): i feel rough (617): just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/6foz
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Walk of Shame time yet?

  (1+44): View more from

  Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?

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  (+44): Walk of Shame time yet? (1+44): Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling? http://tfl.nu/qcn9
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

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  (860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate (401): Well how do you think I feel (860): fair enough http://tfl.nu/zhgr
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.

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  (812): Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/e7sj
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww

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  (541): at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww http://tfl.nu/qfxi
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.

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  (+61): You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd. http://tfl.nu/nwi3
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.

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  (617): i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good. http://tfl.nu/gykq
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

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  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

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  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
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  (415): View more from California

  Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up

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  (415): Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up http://tfl.nu/w3uw
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  (858): View more from California

  She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.

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  (858): She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause. http://tfl.nu/nsj4
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where the hell are you

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's winning.

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  (706): I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon. (1-706): Where the hell are you (706): He's winning. http://tfl.nu/bx2u
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

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  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.

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  (847): Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic. (847): It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word. http://tfl.nu/kmzp
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  (315): View more from New York

  Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench

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  (315): Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench http://tfl.nu/9nh4
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  um, yeah. i think it is.

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  (252): is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"? (513): um, yeah. i think it is. http://tfl.nu/omaw
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  dats a huuuuuge bitch!

  (773): View more from Illinois

  who is this????

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  (248): dats a huuuuuge bitch! (773): who is this???? http://tfl.nu/bpgf
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.

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  (816): Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes. http://tfl.nu/7aqq
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror

  (906): View more from Michigan

  its going to be a good night

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  (231): i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror (906): its going to be a good night http://tfl.nu/k4vc
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.

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  (717): Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up. http://tfl.nu/3bej
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love

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  (610): Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love http://tfl.nu/hgdf
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  where are you?

  (914): View more from New York

  in the room with the baby pig

  (804): View more from Virginia

  k im coming soon

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  (804): where are you? (914): in the room with the baby pig (804): k im coming soon http://tfl.nu/ccxr
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events

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  (586): I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events http://tfl.nu/1mgv
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her

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  (570): you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her http://tfl.nu/jaz5
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Sacagawea was the original milf.

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  (952): Sacagawea was the original milf. http://tfl.nu/8vpz
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.

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  (313): I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son. http://tfl.nu/7jxb
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  (368): View more from

  you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.

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  (368): you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning. http://tfl.nu/nfr6
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  (813): View more from Florida

  for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!

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  (813): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?! http://tfl.nu/r22y
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.

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  (317): I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock. http://tfl.nu/fdm1
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.

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  (513): He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit. http://tfl.nu/4hrv
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.

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  (618): Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it. http://tfl.nu/ym59
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.

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  (203): glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now. http://tfl.nu/a98r
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl

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  (978): remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl http://tfl.nu/z6sm
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.

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  (704): I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing. http://tfl.nu/dymp
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

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  (905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae
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  (903): View more from Texas

  EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT

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  (903): EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT http://tfl.nu/usnf
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

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  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."

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  (613): I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.." http://tfl.nu/n3mo
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  (530): View more from California

  When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.

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  (530): When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party. http://tfl.nu/3bf6
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  (619): View more from California

  Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.

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  (619): Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this. http://tfl.nu/9259
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  "bouncy castle"

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  (919): what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl" (1-919): "bouncy castle" http://tfl.nu/3vde
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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  (519): I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vafe
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  (315): View more from New York

  some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.

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  (315): some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad. http://tfl.nu/fabc
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.

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  (708): so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me. http://tfl.nu/mwnt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.

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  (248): Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police. http://tfl.nu/zopt
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  (818): View more from California

  Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"

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  (818): Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is" http://tfl.nu/fthj
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

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  (605): i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here." http://tfl.nu/dk13
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

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  (253): Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/3nnr
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water

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  (508): He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water http://tfl.nu/2dzm
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.

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  (720): I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like. http://tfl.nu/6yf0
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  (360): View more from Washington

  there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am

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  (360): there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am http://tfl.nu/on84
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows

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  (480): I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows http://tfl.nu/5bqe
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!

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  (970): last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!! http://tfl.nu/1bv7
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sounds like a really classy character....

  (478): View more from Georgia

  He is classy. It was argyle.

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  (478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis (410): Sounds like a really classy character.... (478): He is classy. It was argyle. http://tfl.nu/j1fr
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I have a critically important question to ask.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?

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  (519): I have a critically important question to ask. (519): Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist? http://tfl.nu/val5
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can get orange kush...

  (586): View more from Michigan

  GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!

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  (313): I can get orange kush... (586): GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?! http://tfl.nu/voiy
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit

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  (551): the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit http://tfl.nu/ma7y
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now

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  (313): Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now http://tfl.nu/t7qb
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.

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  (773): I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming. http://tfl.nu/u6dn
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  (817): View more from Texas

  what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?

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  (817): what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!? http://tfl.nu/lfzq
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.

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  (207): I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs. http://tfl.nu/5epb
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted

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  (303): My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/ipi0
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...

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  (319): just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa... http://tfl.nu/k3oe
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  (817): View more from Texas

  At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.

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  (817): At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children. http://tfl.nu/trxp
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ben's a prick.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  What Ben are you talking about?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  All the bens across all the lands

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  (404): Ben's a prick. (1-404): What Ben are you talking about? (404): All the bens across all the lands http://tfl.nu/b5yr
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  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

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  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
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  (315): View more from New York

  His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.

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  (315): His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians. http://tfl.nu/73dw
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.

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  (913): some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/2xhx
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch

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  (613): OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch http://tfl.nu/pswe
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  (727): View more from Florida

  how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

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  (727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh
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  (845): View more from New York

  I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

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  (845): I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!" http://tfl.nu/kl2h
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  (650): View more from California

  my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah

  (415): View more from California

  and she bought it?!?

  (650): View more from California

  yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes

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  (650): my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah (415): and she bought it?!? (650): yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes http://tfl.nu/zwxp
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  batman just walked across the sidewalk

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  lay off the drugs

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no for real he was wearing a cape

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  (630): batman just walked across the sidewalk (1-630): lay off the drugs (630): no for real he was wearing a cape http://tfl.nu/eo01
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.

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  (610): I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain. http://tfl.nu/693g
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  (607): View more from New York

  How was dinner with ur grandparents?

  (1-607): View more from New York

  I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

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  (607): How was dinner with ur grandparents? (1-607) I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana." http://tfl.nu/9nup
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  (858): View more from California

  I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.

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  (858): I've rolled joints bigger than that penis. http://tfl.nu/pgx0
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  (+44): View more from England

  He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.

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  (+44): He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober. http://tfl.nu/8esm
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".

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  (678): He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird". http://tfl.nu/qpoq
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  protesters in toronto definately have the best pot

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  (703): protesters in toronto definately have the best pot http://tfl.nu/s38f
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.

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  (314): There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already. http://tfl.nu/afo0
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.

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  (217): I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister. http://tfl.nu/65yp
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.

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  (940): I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl (1-940): you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent. http://tfl.nu/wzvk
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  (631): View more from New York

  I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...

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  (631): I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms... http://tfl.nu/vz7o
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  (707): View more from California

  She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.

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  (707): She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed. http://tfl.nu/z812
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?

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  (586): Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand. (1-586): What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive? http://tfl.nu/qfk1
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  (562): View more from California

  tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will

  (714): View more from California

  and a girl gets the red ring of death every month

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  (562): tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will (714): and a girl gets the red ring of death every month http://tfl.nu/ybz8
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  (650): View more from California

  dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning

  (805): View more from California

  1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.

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  (650): dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning (805): 1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992. http://tfl.nu/ljqj
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????

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  (414): they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed???? http://tfl.nu/zsp8
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you were so drunk you slurred your pauses

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  (440): you were so drunk you slurred your pauses http://tfl.nu/u543
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.

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  (706): So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/v79f
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.

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  (336): You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed. http://tfl.nu/cedv
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  (917): View more from New York City

  K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.

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  (917): K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs. http://tfl.nu/lbd0
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  (310): View more from California

  Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.

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  (310): Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical. http://tfl.nu/lnv3
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

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  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  that's gum

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  (630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years? (815): that's gum http://tfl.nu/8le7
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

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  (240): So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak. http://tfl.nu/34fx
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad

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  (206): Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad http://tfl.nu/uv9f
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  (425): View more from Washington

  You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.

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  (425): You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option. http://tfl.nu/ipw1
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.

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  (404): His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me. http://tfl.nu/ej9i
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious

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  (214): Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious http://tfl.nu/ofzu
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I sold my books for weed money!

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Finals don't start for a week...

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  (732): I sold my books for weed money! (302): Finals don't start for a week... http://tfl.nu/onx1
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  (661): View more from California

  Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

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  (661): Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me. http://tfl.nu/1wv6
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

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  (617): We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in? http://tfl.nu/ejnj
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  (207): View more from Maine

  this boner is exhausting

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  (207): this boner is exhausting http://tfl.nu/qxdc
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know

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  (732): we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know http://tfl.nu/1cmn
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  (949): View more from California

  Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone

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  (949): Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone http://tfl.nu/p93a
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.

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  (609): i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying. http://tfl.nu/89ja
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  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

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  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I understand Curling. That high.

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  (757): I understand Curling. That high. http://tfl.nu/c58u
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  (607): View more from New York

  haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.

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  (607): haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook. http://tfl.nu/7oed
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night

  (586): View more from Michigan

  2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street

  (586): View more from Michigan

  3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call

  (586): View more from Michigan

  So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you

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  (586): 1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night (586): 2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street (586): 3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call (586): So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you http://tfl.nu/crcb
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

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  (630): Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself. http://tfl.nu/qlu7
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?

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  (503): can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone? http://tfl.nu/oqh6
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.

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  (678): I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/5xat
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"

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  (630): i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis" http://tfl.nu/h67z
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth

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  (541): You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth http://tfl.nu/plwz
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  (518): View more from New York

  Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face

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  (518): Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face http://tfl.nu/t4mk
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision

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  (908): i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision http://tfl.nu/741x
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.

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  (248): Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy. http://tfl.nu/rzh3
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  (718): View more from New York

  he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

  (1-718): View more from New York

  I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

  (718): View more from New York

  the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

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  (718): he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs (1-718): I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious. (718): the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip. http://tfl.nu/dbxw
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So squirting runs in the family.

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  (603): So squirting runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/x29o
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  your completely serious

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  (774): I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby (617): your completely serious http://tfl.nu/nhex
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.

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  (605): He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/s2q9
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  (714): View more from California

  Letd wlk him

  (714): View more from California

  Lrtd walek hime

  (714): View more from California

  Lets wlk home,,,ther we go

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  (714): Letd wlk him (714): Lrtd walek hime (714): Lets wlk home,,,ther we go http://tfl.nu/cege
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I think we should see other people.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  Already working on it.

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  (207): I think we should see other people. (1-207): Already working on it. http://tfl.nu/a8l6
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  (315): View more from New York

  The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.

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  (315): The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style. http://tfl.nu/brn7
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.

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  (614): Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child. http://tfl.nu/h3yl
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  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
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  (407): View more from Florida

  And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.

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  (407): And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword. http://tfl.nu/gcmk
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

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  (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0
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  (619): View more from California

  do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?

  (805): View more from California

  Don't drive home.

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  (619): do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ? (805): Don't drive home. http://tfl.nu/8ed1
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone

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  (812): my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone http://tfl.nu/r2zj
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.

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  (214): I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed. http://tfl.nu/5k49
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing

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  (616): he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing http://tfl.nu/m3tl
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.

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  (205): Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga. http://tfl.nu/3ybq
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