My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
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