i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
