ashhh's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8485) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+07): View more from

  tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+07): tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance? http://tfl.nu/7v50
  Replies (34) Good night (5207) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back http://tfl.nu/zgqj
  Replies (32) Good night (622) Bad night (3058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone. http://tfl.nu/li7n
  Replies (10) Good night (2171) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night..... (617): I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11 http://tfl.nu/wa6u
  Replies (36) Good night (7529) Bad night (1360)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade. http://tfl.nu/8ipj
  Replies (11) Good night (3230) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan http://tfl.nu/uipi
  Replies (16) Good night (5525) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money. http://tfl.nu/foav
  Replies (15) Good night (4721) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.

  (407): View more from Florida

  given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was

  (352): View more from Florida

  i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight. (407): given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was (352): i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it http://tfl.nu/tb83
  Replies (41) Good night (3220) Bad night (1117)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world. http://tfl.nu/u33z
  Replies (15) Good night (864) Bad night (2095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like hot dogs and buns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi
  Replies (22) Good night (8116) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could. http://tfl.nu/sgrh
  Replies (7) Good night (4001) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public http://tfl.nu/ux7y
  Replies (9) Good night (832) Bad night (4102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in http://tfl.nu/mb19
  Replies (9) Good night (782) Bad night (3129)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break. http://tfl.nu/sziy
  Replies (9) Good night (520) Bad night (1853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it. http://tfl.nu/mvhu
  Replies (12) Good night (6803) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework http://tfl.nu/3cov
  Replies (12) Good night (4915) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all. http://tfl.nu/c3dm
  Replies (16) Good night (5905) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox http://tfl.nu/t30w
  Replies (38) Good night (8261) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (353): View more from

  i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (353): i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash http://tfl.nu/bafg
  Replies (22) Good night (5538) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning? http://tfl.nu/weqo
  Replies (22) Good night (9936) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking... http://tfl.nu/3yo6
  Replies (13) Good night (4731) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting... http://tfl.nu/4ynh
  Replies (23) Good night (1854) Bad night (5224)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (7348) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928
  Replies (5) Good night (5294) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too. http://tfl.nu/d0fo
  Replies (24) Good night (7453) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race. http://tfl.nu/hbzv
  Replies (28) Good night (5983) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser http://tfl.nu/1hpm
  Replies (16) Good night (4342) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch. http://tfl.nu/64iu
  Replies (28) Good night (4840) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  either way. win, win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches. (1-810): either way. win, win. http://tfl.nu/dnjj
  Replies (37) Good night (3175) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I want your puppy

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I meant pussy

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I would rather you take my puppy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I want your puppy (507): I meant pussy (612): I would rather you take my puppy http://tfl.nu/alg5
  Replies (34) Good night (1197) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76
  Replies (22) Good night (7000) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup. http://tfl.nu/ddou
  Replies (10) Good night (3077) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/08yj
  Replies (23) Good night (6879) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home. http://tfl.nu/c9s9
  Replies (45) Good night (11809) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns http://tfl.nu/88xb
  Replies (16) Good night (1386) Bad night (5517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck. http://tfl.nu/i3zz
  Replies (15) Good night (7736) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high. http://tfl.nu/gyij
  Replies (20) Good night (5920) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread. http://tfl.nu/qy40
  Replies (35) Good night (1731) Bad night (8449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase http://tfl.nu/jdu6
  Replies (25) Good night (9143) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
  Replies (20) Good night (8387) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water... http://tfl.nu/8ncn
  Replies (12) Good night (6627) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/e78z
  Replies (25) Good night (7556) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes http://tfl.nu/cth1
  Replies (21) Good night (7555) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Your vagain smells worse when im sober.

  (903): View more from Texas

  sorry, worng number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Your vagain smells worse when im sober. (903): sorry, worng number http://tfl.nu/xznv
  Replies (20) Good night (638) Bad night (4020)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  My sheets look like a crime scene.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): My sheets look like a crime scene. http://tfl.nu/7f9h
  Replies (9) Good night (696) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B? http://tfl.nu/ysr8
  Replies (131) Good night (649) Bad night (8058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  All I've ever wanted to do in life is right

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Maybe you should learn how to spell write first

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): All I've ever wanted to do in life is right (517): Maybe you should learn how to spell write first http://tfl.nu/4u4l
  Replies (19) Good night (642) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing. http://tfl.nu/ihpp
  Replies (10) Good night (6610) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk http://tfl.nu/jjss
  Replies (4) Good night (4783) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk http://tfl.nu/l5et
  Replies (7) Good night (4223) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in. http://tfl.nu/z4b8
  Replies (9) Good night (5273) Bad night (2056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again. http://tfl.nu/54yy
  Replies (18) Good night (1800) Bad night (6082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore http://tfl.nu/vh83
  Replies (25) Good night (1405) Bad night (6804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again http://tfl.nu/6h6m
  Replies (13) Good night (3528) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize. http://tfl.nu/694m
  Replies (8) Good night (4293) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10426) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank" (201): hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins http://tfl.nu/g5wh
  Replies (41) Good night (4354) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd. http://tfl.nu/3wwu
  Replies (20) Good night (6038) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop. http://tfl.nu/zx6t
  Replies (31) Good night (5372) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though http://tfl.nu/8e43
  Replies (10) Good night (1420) Bad night (4186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out. http://tfl.nu/5n9v
  Replies (37) Good night (789) Bad night (6236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/9b1u
  Replies (17) Good night (1226) Bad night (5616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?" http://tfl.nu/fnwu
  Replies (11) Good night (7831) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual. http://tfl.nu/97w0
  Replies (44) Good night (13051) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth? http://tfl.nu/ukqr
  Replies (21) Good night (5053) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  What?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH. (610): What? (484): A TROUGH FOR VOMIT. http://tfl.nu/8z8s
  Replies (17) Good night (3540) Bad night (2948)
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me http://tfl.nu/tacv
  Replies (12) Good night (1140) Bad night (3109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment. http://tfl.nu/novi
  Replies (17) Good night (6966) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

  (760): View more from California

  Wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered. (760): Wow. http://tfl.nu/1wu1
  Replies (16) Good night (4106) Bad night (1328)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am http://tfl.nu/wxgn
  Replies (7) Good night (3981) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.

  (1-650): View more from California

  did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet. (1-650): did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one? http://tfl.nu/1hzw
  Replies (24) Good night (8031) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma. http://tfl.nu/dkbg
  Replies (37) Good night (4258) Bad night (7240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire http://tfl.nu/ncts
  Replies (10) Good night (4930) Bad night (1466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  It's like a mixture of two words

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): It's like a mixture of two words (985): "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now" http://tfl.nu/homf
  Replies (8) Good night (3012) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette. http://tfl.nu/u0k7
  Replies (30) Good night (7011) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (39) Good night (14426) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (81) Good night (2501) Bad night (8011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  And you didn't burst into flames?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church. (1-203): And you didn't burst into flames? http://tfl.nu/aa0l
  Replies (14) Good night (5194) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (8990) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (13349) Bad night (1969)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37111) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems http://tfl.nu/onz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1196) Bad night (2774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (29) Good night (1906) Bad night (6679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel. http://tfl.nu/te56
  Replies (10) Good night (6503) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Hello wreck, this is your train calling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Hello wreck, this is your train calling. http://tfl.nu/qxsk
  Replies (13) Good night (5490) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (13048) Bad night (1172)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it. http://tfl.nu/iun7
  Replies (15) Good night (1666) Bad night (3863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby... http://tfl.nu/0zej
  Replies (17) Good night (1610) Bad night (5479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja
  Replies (30) Good night (2869) Bad night (4869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (17270) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins. http://tfl.nu/qxz4
  Replies (39) Good night (8256) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification. http://tfl.nu/d300
  Replies (12) Good night (5937) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2 (908): Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked? http://tfl.nu/yka4
  Replies (14) Good night (5161) Bad night (1804)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning http://tfl.nu/qlbe
  Replies (40) Good night (5202) Bad night (1683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck. http://tfl.nu/we3a
  Replies (21) Good night (3677) Bad night (1779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine.. http://tfl.nu/247z
  Replies (8) Good night (4639) Bad night (1373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval. http://tfl.nu/2acf
  Replies (16) Good night (6364) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard? http://tfl.nu/skft
  Replies (12) Good night (5705) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (13402) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands. http://tfl.nu/553v
  Replies (21) Good night (4288) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary. http://tfl.nu/hnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (5287) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16201) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers http://tfl.nu/jgqx
  Replies (4) Good night (5361) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts. http://tfl.nu/2tox
  Replies (11) Good night (6229) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college. http://tfl.nu/9iax
  Replies (25) Good night (7009) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing. http://tfl.nu/gi7h
  Replies (14) Good night (956) Bad night (4380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She acts like you when your on meds

  (510): View more from California

  She acts like batman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): She acts like you when your on meds (510): She acts like batman? http://tfl.nu/zvs9
  Replies (17) Good night (6181) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14649) Bad night (1666)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox http://tfl.nu/xijk
  Replies (15) Good night (3428) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  May it rest in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence. (708): May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/csj7
  Replies (17) Good night (4446) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours

  (816): View more from Missouri

  outstanding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like. (1-816): Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours (816): outstanding. http://tfl.nu/qtfw
  Replies (15) Good night (4289) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness http://tfl.nu/m7sl
  Replies (21) Good night (5644) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up... http://tfl.nu/b9ou
  Replies (55) Good night (6058) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail http://tfl.nu/lqnd
  Replies (6) Good night (4129) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner. http://tfl.nu/au8r
  Replies (41) Good night (4169) Bad night (1549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable. http://tfl.nu/quma
  Replies (7) Good night (5782) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired. http://tfl.nu/08pz
  Replies (4) Good night (756) Bad night (1860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month http://tfl.nu/ybux
  Replies (10) Good night (5368) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8406) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8715) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I told you not to have sex with her on my futon

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I didnt dude, i swear!

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I told you not to have sex with her on my futon (612): I didnt dude, i swear! (952): either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon http://tfl.nu/i90q
  Replies (19) Good night (2546) Bad night (6377)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (17589) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  wow, that really makes you stop and think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys (1-804): wow, that really makes you stop and think. http://tfl.nu/7oma
  Replies (11) Good night (1196) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38535) Bad night (1467)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account. http://tfl.nu/m8a3
  Replies (65) Good night (1367) Bad night (19304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low? http://tfl.nu/jj2a
  Replies (32) Good night (1115) Bad night (2636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem http://tfl.nu/l5fk
  Replies (50) Good night (8634) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I am coming home for anal

  (254): View more from Texas

  * a nap*

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I am coming home for anal (254): * a nap* http://tfl.nu/ou5x
  Replies (39) Good night (11804) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night. http://tfl.nu/uc8g
  Replies (6) Good night (4035) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon. http://tfl.nu/vb88
  Replies (13) Good night (5028) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me? http://tfl.nu/3uhh
  Replies (16) Good night (1066) Bad night (3520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars. http://tfl.nu/h8m5
  Replies (15) Good night (5869) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job. (973): I'm moving there. Get me hired. http://tfl.nu/wn7j
  Replies (39) Good night (5516) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters http://tfl.nu/0u7p
  Replies (30) Good night (5027) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat http://tfl.nu/ast4
  Replies (56) Good night (15633) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'd suck anything for a pizza right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I'd suck anything for a pizza right now http://tfl.nu/grjz
  Replies (42) Good night (5267) Bad night (1584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now. http://tfl.nu/z4u1
  Replies (38) Good night (815) Bad night (8702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/vsxr
  Replies (13) Good night (4609) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald. http://tfl.nu/krtp
  Replies (21) Good night (7800) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
  Replies (42) Good night (8343) Bad night (4660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk. (504): Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera. http://tfl.nu/hakn
  Replies (196) Good night (1834) Bad night (16484)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol http://tfl.nu/nbdg
  Replies (28) Good night (5855) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship. http://tfl.nu/nd0o
  Replies (20) Good night (2693) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer http://tfl.nu/hop7
  Replies (25) Good night (6397) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian http://tfl.nu/vq1a
  Replies (8) Good night (1810) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe. http://tfl.nu/i5qc
  Replies (8) Good night (527) Bad night (1820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I can't open my eyes

  (925): View more from California

  Lol why not?

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808) I can't open my eyes (925) Lol why not? (808) Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/5iv9
  Replies (4) Good night (839) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7673) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (974): View more from

  You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6
  Replies (28) Good night (7814) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex. http://tfl.nu/maqt
  Replies (29) Good night (793) Bad night (7302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS. http://tfl.nu/51z5
  Replies (24) Good night (5010) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers... http://tfl.nu/21iq
  Replies (12) Good night (607) Bad night (2893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys. http://tfl.nu/w8m7
  Replies (28) Good night (1562) Bad night (6629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party http://tfl.nu/w848
  Replies (17) Good night (4830) Bad night (1497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci
  Replies (27) Good night (7816) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/1xbr
  Replies (17) Good night (3176) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass. http://tfl.nu/l3hc
  Replies (17) Good night (658) Bad night (4707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I GOT MY PERIOD!

  (706): View more from Georgia

  damn. i had names picked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I GOT MY PERIOD! (706): damn. i had names picked out. http://tfl.nu/tcr6
  Replies (18) Good night (7064) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so are u like ashamed lol?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so are u like ashamed lol? (513): not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip http://tfl.nu/sr1n
  Replies (17) Good night (722) Bad night (2235)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to http://tfl.nu/tvy7
  Replies (59) Good night (4777) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  my computer doesn't work...

  (619): View more from California

  why?

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i puked on it last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): my computer doesn't work... (619): why? (419): i puked on it last night http://tfl.nu/kifb
  Replies (4) Good night (723) Bad night (2311)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial http://tfl.nu/3bm0
  Replies (11) Good night (563) Bad night (3718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete. http://tfl.nu/258x
  Replies (8) Good night (1984) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style http://tfl.nu/9r5x
  Replies (39) Good night (12563) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot... http://tfl.nu/oqxd
  Replies (17) Good night (8106) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear." http://tfl.nu/t3d7
  Replies (4) Good night (3839) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare. http://tfl.nu/t1bj
  Replies (12) Good night (4040) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool (252): Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five http://tfl.nu/6bci
  Replies (13) Good night (6131) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them. http://tfl.nu/jd8a
  Replies (21) Good night (8203) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits. http://tfl.nu/7sfp
  Replies (25) Good night (1140) Bad night (4653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up? (812): You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/331c
  Replies (48) Good night (8803) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work... http://tfl.nu/lwph
  Replies (29) Good night (4209) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi. http://tfl.nu/2rin
  Replies (15) Good night (898) Bad night (3688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (57) Good night (11995) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE http://tfl.nu/d6tf
  Replies (48) Good night (8226) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1719) Bad night (10738)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser. http://tfl.nu/l90y
  Replies (17) Good night (5226) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy http://tfl.nu/dtdn
  Replies (17) Good night (4855) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  Do u kno any dealers?

  (1-424): View more from California

  I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): Do u kno any dealers? (1-424): I've officially lost all respect for you, dad. http://tfl.nu/eaqw
  Replies (36) Good night (2626) Bad night (7423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant http://tfl.nu/517l
  Replies (17) Good night (5148) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went. http://tfl.nu/fpvf
  Replies (16) Good night (6109) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants." http://tfl.nu/wjgr
  Replies (16) Good night (727) Bad night (3399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for... http://tfl.nu/dqoy
  Replies (17) Good night (4237) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72056) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner. http://tfl.nu/1bdt
  Replies (20) Good night (680) Bad night (6292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet http://tfl.nu/xcx4
  Replies (36) Good night (3821) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job. http://tfl.nu/ssdv
  Replies (8) Good night (636) Bad night (3458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." http://tfl.nu/z2kp
  Replies (64) Good night (7810) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more http://tfl.nu/cvqr
  Replies (5) Good night (3095) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!" http://tfl.nu/94sw
  Replies (84) Good night (13074) Bad night (1528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault. http://tfl.nu/lznh
  Replies (115) Good night (6316) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states. http://tfl.nu/jgy9
  Replies (40) Good night (842) Bad night (2629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just know... :) goodntight

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just know... :) goodntight (1-281): Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too. http://tfl.nu/kxmt
  Replies (17) Good night (3187) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad. http://tfl.nu/60es
  Replies (16) Good night (1463) Bad night (5525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode? http://tfl.nu/1peu
  Replies (15) Good night (4933) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk" http://tfl.nu/d5n3
  Replies (12) Good night (6841) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times http://tfl.nu/z2iz
  Replies (12) Good night (6329) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest (248): If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does http://tfl.nu/2sf6
  Replies (10) Good night (7335) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You going out tonight?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): You going out tonight? (318): No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon. http://tfl.nu/ifio
  Replies (18) Good night (1059) Bad night (6178)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8865) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet? http://tfl.nu/k73j
  Replies (22) Good night (1520) Bad night (4709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game http://tfl.nu/osln
  Replies (23) Good night (5579) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (2139) Bad night (4835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (101) Good night (10163) Bad night (2830)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (148) Good night (3401) Bad night (12191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread. http://tfl.nu/5lzr
  Replies (33) Good night (6019) Bad night (1802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer. http://tfl.nu/2vpk
  Replies (46) Good night (814) Bad night (3233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  that makes sense.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you... (1-850): that makes sense. http://tfl.nu/5jmk
  Replies (16) Good night (7134) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses. http://tfl.nu/wrem
  Replies (50) Good night (1189) Bad night (4554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off. http://tfl.nu/qpy6
  Replies (38) Good night (464) Bad night (4202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I hate ducks.

  (916): View more from California

  What?

  (916): View more from California

  they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I hate ducks. (916): What? (916): they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck. http://tfl.nu/gesm
  Replies (55) Good night (3267) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she's a dina-saur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct (973): that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand (201): she's a dina-saur http://tfl.nu/b0aw
  Replies (32) Good night (5279) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry http://tfl.nu/jhtm
  Replies (12) Good night (1129) Bad night (5562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925) 2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you? http://tfl.nu/l1ls
  Replies (11) Good night (618) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot. http://tfl.nu/qalf
  Replies (15) Good night (7752) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  we live in such a classy society.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead. (815): we live in such a classy society. http://tfl.nu/glf0
  Replies (25) Good night (5504) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high. http://tfl.nu/dl85
  Replies (63) Good night (7929) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman http://tfl.nu/t3mw
  Replies (5) Good night (1278) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9455) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again.... http://tfl.nu/lj9p
  Replies (22) Good night (711) Bad night (5507)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well. http://tfl.nu/7kjf
  Replies (14) Good night (6071) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis. http://tfl.nu/2bxd
  Replies (35) Good night (1064) Bad night (7985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand. http://tfl.nu/s680
  Replies (13) Good night (1110) Bad night (4403)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic. http://tfl.nu/pwae
  Replies (10) Good night (3306) Bad night (1395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out. http://tfl.nu/k8va
  Replies (21) Good night (759) Bad night (4481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug? http://tfl.nu/56z8
  Replies (45) Good night (5579) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud. http://tfl.nu/fmdm
  Replies (96) Good night (13156) Bad night (2120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (8280) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone. http://tfl.nu/vfbd
  Replies (40) Good night (13996) Bad night (1399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance? http://tfl.nu/nz1e
  Replies (8) Good night (5252) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word http://tfl.nu/bykc
  Replies (57) Good night (1579) Bad night (20657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  my sombrero is too big for the bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): my sombrero is too big for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/okhq
  Replies (25) Good night (9147) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt http://tfl.nu/x2m1
  Replies (35) Good night (3190) Bad night (6578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma... http://tfl.nu/z5wc
  Replies (15) Good night (801) Bad night (5146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look http://tfl.nu/dco3
  Replies (34) Good night (715) Bad night (2404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  it's more of a rinse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar? (773): it's more of a rinse. http://tfl.nu/la1k
  Replies (66) Good night (1331) Bad night (2381)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story. http://tfl.nu/womj
  Replies (14) Good night (655) Bad night (2436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (203) Good night (40009) Bad night (3195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move. http://tfl.nu/t85w
  Replies (17) Good night (2552) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse' http://tfl.nu/umk4
  Replies (18) Good night (9947) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This explains a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner.... (732): This explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/s7a0
  Replies (24) Good night (8533) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins http://tfl.nu/hk0d
  Replies (12) Good night (5592) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now? http://tfl.nu/9ud5
  Replies (57) Good night (2731) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time http://tfl.nu/rajz
  Replies (21) Good night (8197) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe. http://tfl.nu/6izf
  Replies (17) Good night (4094) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving. http://tfl.nu/e2dg
  Replies (27) Good night (2697) Bad night (4403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride. http://tfl.nu/b4k2
  Replies (79) Good night (2017) Bad night (10849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (40) Good night (12268) Bad night (1167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won http://tfl.nu/atk6
  Replies (30) Good night (13284) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6801) Bad night (40798)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (353) Good night (7745) Bad night (48312)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73383) Bad night (2470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62258) Bad night (4268)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112219) Bad night (9729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged (703): just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit http://tfl.nu/pac5
  Replies (61) Good night (1562) Bad night (12127)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss http://tfl.nu/w0b9
  Replies (34) Good night (5735) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (3729) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ya and it worked didnt it??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron.. (614): ya and it worked didnt it?? http://tfl.nu/b3g5
  Replies (27) Good night (6367) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country... http://tfl.nu/c11y
  Replies (47) Good night (13750) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke http://tfl.nu/ag71
  Replies (25) Good night (817) Bad night (7366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me. http://tfl.nu/79qg
  Replies (57) Good night (4502) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8
  Replies (6) Good night (2428) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs http://tfl.nu/4ami
  Replies (26) Good night (6255) Bad night (1305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!" http://tfl.nu/5h66
  Replies (38) Good night (7157) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush. http://tfl.nu/5pf3
  Replies (13) Good night (5114) Bad night (1564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting. http://tfl.nu/pz3u
  Replies (27) Good night (8803) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (35509) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night. http://tfl.nu/j04h
  Replies (19) Good night (6982) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj
  Replies (32) Good night (12942) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !! (832): Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless. http://tfl.nu/apa0
  Replies (20) Good night (3773) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  do you want me to make hamburgers?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i'm vegan

  (209): View more from California

  i'll put lettuce on them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): do you want me to make hamburgers? (541): i'm vegan (209): i'll put lettuce on them http://tfl.nu/hb72
  Replies (37) Good night (7427) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to http://tfl.nu/6uk1
  Replies (36) Good night (6206) Bad night (2016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (368): View more from

  you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (368): you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning. http://tfl.nu/nfr6
  Replies (22) Good night (6750) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Wat???

  (312): View more from Illinois

  U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr (269): Wat??? (312): U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender http://tfl.nu/fak1
  Replies (4) Good night (850) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (19820) Bad night (1249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas. (407): i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful. http://tfl.nu/1iey
  Replies (32) Good night (10415) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me http://tfl.nu/jvjy
  Replies (19) Good night (8318) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank. http://tfl.nu/peny
  Replies (51) Good night (2758) Bad night (12281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about. http://tfl.nu/gd5e
  Replies (43) Good night (1140) Bad night (8988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive http://tfl.nu/jlaw
  Replies (13) Good night (1820) Bad night (3660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed! http://tfl.nu/axg9
  Replies (16) Good night (1044) Bad night (4828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  grab my backpack.....its in the fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): grab my backpack.....its in the fridge http://tfl.nu/prjt
  Replies (19) Good night (7748) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed. http://tfl.nu/rvfy
  Replies (38) Good night (8670) Bad night (1707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (39) Good night (10234) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes http://tfl.nu/3hm9
  Replies (50) Good night (8876) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later. http://tfl.nu/bq2x
  Replies (14) Good night (7101) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot? http://tfl.nu/xzhr
  Replies (16) Good night (4337) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is. http://tfl.nu/unb6
  Replies (13) Good night (4733) Bad night (1184)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you http://tfl.nu/vy0a
  Replies (21) Good night (4942) Bad night (1483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (39854) Bad night (1919)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (51524) Bad night (1868)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
  Replies (46) Good night (19186) Bad night (1398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (51) Good night (24085) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (61) Good night (26588) Bad night (1202)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (27475) Bad night (3098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7650) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s
  Replies (15) Good night (7652) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave

  (703): View more from Virginia

  and miss being on the news....no way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave (703): and miss being on the news....no way http://tfl.nu/gtrx
  Replies (21) Good night (8604) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn. http://tfl.nu/hrhg
  Replies (18) Good night (8182) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (18) Good night (12664) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire. http://tfl.nu/37qo
  Replies (30) Good night (15609) Bad night (1513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (21449) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt