Texts From Last Night

rikie83's Favorites Texts:

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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"

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  (+44): You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action" http://tfl.nu/vmud
  Replies (9) Good night (999) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.

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  (909): I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats. http://tfl.nu/jzu3
  Replies (10) Good night (440) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
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  (325): View more from Texas

  She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...

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  (325): She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe... http://tfl.nu/oipp
  Replies (13) Good night (790) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.

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  (859): and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/coqa
  Replies (10) Good night (1186) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer

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  (865): At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer http://tfl.nu/lzgu
  Replies (7) Good night (1290) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital

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  (631): Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital http://tfl.nu/fnso
  Replies (12) Good night (907) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.

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  (940): He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts. http://tfl.nu/9w8s
  Replies (11) Good night (2431) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.

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  (218): I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent. http://tfl.nu/0vft
  Replies (25) Good night (1985) Bad night (448)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.

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  (218): You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate. http://tfl.nu/a3k9
  Replies (18) Good night (3637) Bad night (368)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.

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  (847): Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron. http://tfl.nu/1d6g
  Replies (12) Good night (517) Bad night (2212)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?

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  (+44): He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day? http://tfl.nu/3a44
  Replies (12) Good night (3064) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.

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  (973): That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that. http://tfl.nu/drll
  Replies (12) Good night (1786) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?

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  (410): She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted? http://tfl.nu/werq
  Replies (7) Good night (369) Bad night (2380) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.

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  (410): My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end. http://tfl.nu/noz9
  Replies (11) Good night (356) Bad night (2649) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.

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  (870): He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible. http://tfl.nu/mspa
  Replies (9) Good night (1082) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out

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  (603): they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out http://tfl.nu/559d
  Replies (20) Good night (3161) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

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  (712): That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time" http://tfl.nu/be6i
  Replies (11) Good night (3934) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.

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  (559): Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor. http://tfl.nu/6xcl
  Replies (9) Good night (1846) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.

  (254): View more from Texas

  He's majoring in Religion

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  (254): I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka. (254): He's majoring in Religion http://tfl.nu/gx54
  Replies (9) Good night (2169) Bad night (367)
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  (760): View more from California

  all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.

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  (760): all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing. http://tfl.nu/78qs
  Replies (5) Good night (1620) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny

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  (860): Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny http://tfl.nu/2672
  Replies (9) Good night (1703) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.

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  (512): Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/t8hh
  Replies (13) Good night (424) Bad night (1806) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.

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  (330): I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in. http://tfl.nu/a5v5
  Replies (9) Good night (1928) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face

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  (408): you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face http://tfl.nu/f86d
  Replies (46) Good night (10212) Bad night (2380) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...

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  (310): My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope... http://tfl.nu/89fe
  Replies (10) Good night (2620) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye

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  (781): No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye http://tfl.nu/qnov
  Replies (11) Good night (836) Bad night (2427) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines

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  (603): Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines http://tfl.nu/hhep
  Replies (26) Good night (3319) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

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  (530): No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here. http://tfl.nu/k9so
  Replies (33) Good night (2135) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (409): View more from Texas

  The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.

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  (409): The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens. http://tfl.nu/kai5
  Replies (44) Good night (3321) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...

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  (360): Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told... http://tfl.nu/tfwr
  Replies (6) Good night (2135) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

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  (617): Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns. http://tfl.nu/g37i
  Replies (28) Good night (4343) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?

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  (313): so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room? http://tfl.nu/p8ry
  Replies (6) Good night (633) Bad night (2561) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.

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  (505): Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming. http://tfl.nu/efp8
  Replies (4) Good night (656) Bad night (2279) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.

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  (937): i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage. http://tfl.nu/bqw6
  Replies (22) Good night (1483) Bad night (8071)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.

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  (256): I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you. http://tfl.nu/8mod
  Replies (12) Good night (3447) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.

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  (858): We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport. http://tfl.nu/he08
  Replies (87) Good night (1756) Bad night (12815)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night

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  (608): He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night http://tfl.nu/for8
  Replies (9) Good night (4507) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.

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  (520): He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/tjlf
  Replies (15) Good night (6508) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.

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  (845): You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake. http://tfl.nu/r8rw
  Replies (4) Good night (4554) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.

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  (802): Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator. http://tfl.nu/tdtw
  Replies (18) Good night (4379) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis

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  (603): it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis http://tfl.nu/b4c1
  Replies (18) Good night (1084) Bad night (2296) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep

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  (908): I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep http://tfl.nu/s4hd
  Replies (41) Good night (1006) Bad night (3737) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat

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  (907): i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat http://tfl.nu/gmsd
  Replies (20) Good night (2570) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.

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  (256): It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops. http://tfl.nu/42cm
  Replies (12) Good night (5612) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.

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  (617): You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable. http://tfl.nu/i02t
  Replies (3) Good night (2593) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41855) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?

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  (818): She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs? http://tfl.nu/4vl4
  Replies (74) Good night (595) Bad night (6027) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though

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  (505): I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though http://tfl.nu/889i
  Replies (9) Good night (823) Bad night (2178) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.

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  (307): I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen. http://tfl.nu/qqp8
  Replies (8) Good night (3406) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

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  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14309) Bad night (500)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no pressure.

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  (856): he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him. (215): no pressure. http://tfl.nu/wyu7
  Replies (12) Good night (4123) Bad night (620)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like it was yesterday

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  (240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org
  Replies (20) Good night (10899) Bad night (795)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.

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  (317): eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped. http://tfl.nu/504u
  Replies (65) Good night (6240) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear

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  (931): and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear http://tfl.nu/30cm
  Replies (14) Good night (1514) Bad night (3610) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.

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  (585): just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse. http://tfl.nu/g20v
  Replies (5) Good night (3650) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit

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  (315): I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit http://tfl.nu/ybzi
  Replies (7) Good night (3369) Bad night (1571) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.

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  (904): took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch. http://tfl.nu/4x1m
  Replies (73) Good night (10159) Bad night (2134) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.

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  (408): Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same. http://tfl.nu/sgs8
  Replies (41) Good night (6483) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner

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  (415): no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner http://tfl.nu/9h98
  Replies (27) Good night (3926) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.

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  (817): Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed. http://tfl.nu/4b3z
  Replies (24) Good night (3517) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
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  (863): View more from Florida

  you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar

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  (863): you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar http://tfl.nu/o1eu
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  (972): View more from Texas

  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

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  (972): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry" http://tfl.nu/fk1l
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  what chic?

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  (870): do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight? (1-870): well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic (870): what chic? http://tfl.nu/m2xn
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

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  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...

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  (303): so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob... http://tfl.nu/tixa
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  (626): View more from California

  HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?

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  (626): HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN? http://tfl.nu/rsqz
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  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

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  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

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  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!

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  (440): We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis! http://tfl.nu/tuy6
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

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  (540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

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  (505): I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot http://tfl.nu/gw1u
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.

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  (651): make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS. (1-651): I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much. http://tfl.nu/xzl0
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  (818): View more from California

  he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

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  (818): he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror http://tfl.nu/1dr8
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
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