She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
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I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My liver just had a heart attack.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
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