Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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