What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
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