mattwade's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs. http://tfl.nu/w8zn
  Replies (16) Good night (4726) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+62): View more from

  This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+62): This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country. http://tfl.nu/rdix
  Replies (50) Good night (1413) Bad night (4228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z
  Replies (31) Good night (11835) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago http://tfl.nu/aauf
  Replies (16) Good night (3486) Bad night (1311)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb http://tfl.nu/benk
  Replies (34) Good night (4065) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io
  Replies (26) Good night (8854) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?" http://tfl.nu/toa2
  Replies (17) Good night (7529) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!" http://tfl.nu/i1ig
  Replies (16) Good night (1102) Bad night (4137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for... http://tfl.nu/hz7t
  Replies (23) Good night (6484) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl
  Replies (34) Good night (5924) Bad night (2085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?" http://tfl.nu/c0v9
  Replies (13) Good night (8766) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt http://tfl.nu/t4r8
  Replies (25) Good night (11904) Bad night (1259)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  that was a mass text, wasnt it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared. (1-303): that was a mass text, wasnt it? http://tfl.nu/9i1u
  Replies (22) Good night (6988) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future? http://tfl.nu/5rnd
  Replies (45) Good night (5200) Bad night (1048)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37098) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me. http://tfl.nu/2kto
  Replies (13) Good night (6230) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it. http://tfl.nu/tda5
  Replies (10) Good night (6129) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7438) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16199) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so finals studying is going well?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons. (309): so finals studying is going well? http://tfl.nu/jt5e
  Replies (13) Good night (7164) Bad night (928)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  you need to get laid.. and an oil change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since. (1-815): you need to get laid.. and an oil change. http://tfl.nu/z8d3
  Replies (18) Good night (1545) Bad night (4799)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now http://tfl.nu/d0ke
  Replies (16) Good night (5071) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (45) Good night (25444) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy
  Replies (83) Good night (17336) Bad night (1783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (25182) Bad night (1603)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away http://tfl.nu/dlah
  Replies (30) Good night (1591) Bad night (7557)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day (1-402): If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it http://tfl.nu/wdhm
  Replies (12) Good night (4770) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again http://tfl.nu/jwo1
  Replies (19) Good night (5470) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip? http://tfl.nu/mroo
  Replies (35) Good night (994) Bad night (4833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bring money and cleavage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): bring money and cleavage http://tfl.nu/w9ou
  Replies (20) Good night (5919) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (18540) Bad night (1688)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home. http://tfl.nu/xzym
  Replies (13) Good night (6166) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?! http://tfl.nu/7uj0
  Replies (10) Good night (6655) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/eill
  Replies (29) Good night (6337) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (17) Good night (15682) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  It was the best sex i've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): That was the scariest sex i've ever heard.... (1-540): It was the best sex i've ever had. http://tfl.nu/k8p9
  Replies (13) Good night (7618) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke http://tfl.nu/o15u
  Replies (9) Good night (4680) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits" http://tfl.nu/l1ei
  Replies (29) Good night (4936) Bad night (1359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt
  Replies (34) Good night (20270) Bad night (1529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk. http://tfl.nu/289e
  Replies (12) Good night (4601) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality http://tfl.nu/g1bs
  Replies (73) Good night (1305) Bad night (12665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now http://tfl.nu/173b
  Replies (25) Good night (8791) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me... http://tfl.nu/nenj
  Replies (13) Good night (7894) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (15141) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit http://tfl.nu/61qr
  Replies (13) Good night (6550) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw
  Replies (17) Good night (8051) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket. http://tfl.nu/pclq
  Replies (13) Good night (5759) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (8891) Bad night (1840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed" http://tfl.nu/g8fj
  Replies (22) Good night (2466) Bad night (4765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (28341) Bad night (1968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head. http://tfl.nu/x66l
  Replies (20) Good night (7643) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (566): View more from

  According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (566): According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE ! http://tfl.nu/odei
  Replies (25) Good night (678) Bad night (2959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27825) Bad night (1799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar? http://tfl.nu/t8an
  Replies (16) Good night (1361) Bad night (5155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's. http://tfl.nu/jhuh
  Replies (7) Good night (5142) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl. http://tfl.nu/cxal
  Replies (23) Good night (1405) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  The worlds most fuckable chipmunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): The worlds most fuckable chipmunk http://tfl.nu/klow
  Replies (6) Good night (940) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden? http://tfl.nu/x4ab
  Replies (111) Good night (12198) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me http://tfl.nu/1f94
  Replies (35) Good night (1503) Bad night (4467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna have a badass scar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm gonna have a badass scar http://tfl.nu/vp2m
  Replies (3) Good night (1464) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed???? http://tfl.nu/zsp8
  Replies (39) Good night (6235) Bad night (1471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5
  Replies (14) Good night (9620) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (40) Good night (12266) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f
  Replies (52) Good night (2217) Bad night (9965)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

  (540): View more from Virginia

  son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): you would not believe what I got pierced last night... (540): son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear. http://tfl.nu/q4w6
  Replies (61) Good night (1758) Bad night (6255)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet. http://tfl.nu/z4ao
  Replies (24) Good night (7391) Bad night (1519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever http://tfl.nu/se2n
  Replies (47) Good night (6722) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (+82): View more from

  I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+82): I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes. http://tfl.nu/b0wk
  Replies (24) Good night (889) Bad night (7276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (8873) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex? http://tfl.nu/y75a
  Replies (15) Good night (787) Bad night (4315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen. http://tfl.nu/slj5
  Replies (22) Good night (6975) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf http://tfl.nu/oxnj
  Replies (22) Good night (7213) Bad night (1544)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25455) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (110) Good night (50594) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (25731) Bad night (4380)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (98) Good night (27337) Bad night (1732)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five http://tfl.nu/catf
  Replies (44) Good night (2880) Bad night (7732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  super hot butfun

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): super hot butfun (832): Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make. http://tfl.nu/zsez
  Replies (11) Good night (2931) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked... http://tfl.nu/ab3l
  Replies (27) Good night (6576) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl
  Replies (30) Good night (13589) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (75) Good night (11795) Bad night (3331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive. http://tfl.nu/z8kz
  Replies (19) Good night (7017) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (10257) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard. http://tfl.nu/hy6n
  Replies (10) Good night (6463) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (14385) Bad night (1450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation? http://tfl.nu/jmz5
  Replies (52) Good night (12197) Bad night (2667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (9114) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high. http://tfl.nu/zw5l
  Replies (31) Good night (7840) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... What happend then?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating" (678): So... What happend then? (404): We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM. http://tfl.nu/3t62
  Replies (49) Good night (11126) Bad night (2434)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better. http://tfl.nu/9eyu
  Replies (23) Good night (5466) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport? (1-847): It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok. http://tfl.nu/wou3
  Replies (30) Good night (4672) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american. http://tfl.nu/pd31
  Replies (11) Good night (3056) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
  Replies (9) Good night (7249) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked. http://tfl.nu/7s06
  Replies (31) Good night (4004) Bad night (1866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse" http://tfl.nu/y3e0
  Replies (10) Good night (5063) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before. http://tfl.nu/ut58
  Replies (25) Good night (4636) Bad night (1493)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  I love milkshakes.

  (210): View more from Texas

  Not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat. (1-210): I love milkshakes. (210): Not the point. http://tfl.nu/tb5t
  Replies (19) Good night (5133) Bad night (1256)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one http://tfl.nu/sg9e
  Replies (18) Good night (7424) Bad night (1381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle. http://tfl.nu/b46q
  Replies (52) Good night (1778) Bad night (9982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms. http://tfl.nu/bpq6
  Replies (35) Good night (7457) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls. http://tfl.nu/57re
  Replies (23) Good night (8171) Bad night (1440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i don't want you to think of me as your TA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i don't want you to think of me as your TA http://tfl.nu/7pvf
  Replies (26) Good night (9921) Bad night (1236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it. http://tfl.nu/l9cy
  Replies (18) Good night (4505) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle http://tfl.nu/ax2q
  Replies (11) Good night (1222) Bad night (4670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?

  (210): View more from Texas

  no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge? (210): no http://tfl.nu/pkgs
  Replies (15) Good night (1814) Bad night (4845)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message. http://tfl.nu/jwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (9418) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.

  (562): View more from California

  The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt

  (323): View more from California

  fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though. (562): The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt (323): fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me http://tfl.nu/hrtm
  Replies (30) Good night (2383) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think you have the wrong number

  (813): View more from Florida

  so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter. (407): i think you have the wrong number (813): so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool. http://tfl.nu/uuec
  Replies (70) Good night (6890) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"? http://tfl.nu/6zhr
  Replies (34) Good night (2145) Bad night (2943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!" http://tfl.nu/c7ck
  Replies (64) Good night (9948) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72031) Bad night (2120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition. http://tfl.nu/fwuo
  Replies (13) Good night (9705) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (257) Good night (8205) Bad night (2225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about. http://tfl.nu/yxic
  Replies (19) Good night (3853) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face http://tfl.nu/3atc
  Replies (7) Good night (1680) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30089) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  idk, I had a turtle in mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat? (1-941): idk, I had a turtle in mine. http://tfl.nu/ag7m
  Replies (30) Good night (3573) Bad night (5258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics http://tfl.nu/3wmw
  Replies (68) Good night (10654) Bad night (2312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  This kid is drunk.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): This kid is drunk. (410): I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted. http://tfl.nu/8aqa
  Replies (6) Good night (7808) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10518) Bad night (3043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9296) Bad night (1882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts. http://tfl.nu/ixjv
  Replies (634) Good night (5238) Bad night (6190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic. http://tfl.nu/6fkc
  Replies (9) Good night (4073) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to http://tfl.nu/6uk1
  Replies (36) Good night (6205) Bad night (2015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Deal!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit. (1-515): Deal! http://tfl.nu/vj0b
  Replies (20) Good night (7661) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!

  (315): View more from New York

  ... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?! (315): ... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher... http://tfl.nu/j2jz
  Replies (19) Good night (1390) Bad night (4395)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian. http://tfl.nu/fuqa
  Replies (46) Good night (4374) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME??? http://tfl.nu/x0d6
  Replies (46) Good night (2164) Bad night (17696)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night http://tfl.nu/fggv
  Replies (33) Good night (1238) Bad night (4832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): she really just asked how mermaids reproduce. http://tfl.nu/5doz
  Replies (41) Good night (3619) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I absolutely love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it. (1-360): I absolutely love you. http://tfl.nu/vd5p
  Replies (40) Good night (10460) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep http://tfl.nu/s4hd
  Replies (41) Good night (1141) Bad night (3876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on (1-915): who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me http://tfl.nu/h8za
  Replies (49) Good night (778) Bad night (14847)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8
  Replies (35) Good night (16986) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (54016) Bad night (4397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): 'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option http://tfl.nu/mpq0
  Replies (18) Good night (5124) Bad night (1548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working. http://tfl.nu/9tde
  Replies (43) Good night (7819) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status.. http://tfl.nu/z1m2
  Replies (25) Good night (6660) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension http://tfl.nu/bl0j
  Replies (46) Good night (1611) Bad night (5032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09
  Replies (23) Good night (11379) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (40842) Bad night (2616)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german. http://tfl.nu/cfoz
  Replies (18) Good night (6623) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you. http://tfl.nu/jbfy
  Replies (28) Good night (8859) Bad night (1243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (13538) Bad night (5082)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR. http://tfl.nu/vjij
  Replies (25) Good night (7180) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (54) Good night (2474) Bad night (14814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night. http://tfl.nu/yws8
  Replies (9) Good night (8390) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
  Replies (47) Good night (9935) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
  Replies (39) Good night (14402) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea? http://tfl.nu/h6xa
  Replies (43) Good night (9119) Bad night (2206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  this is Aaron, hi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud? (1-212): this is Aaron, hi http://tfl.nu/ackd
  Replies (48) Good night (20339) Bad night (2051)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf
  Replies (16) Good night (7144) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST (602): I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise! http://tfl.nu/2ck7
  Replies (36) Good night (6817) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  What is a GED?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly (1-208): What is a GED? http://tfl.nu/qgi3
  Replies (47) Good night (816) Bad night (9701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
  Replies (23) Good night (6913) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14889) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor" http://tfl.nu/h9m9
  Replies (26) Good night (1148) Bad night (5305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (57) Good night (11993) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy? http://tfl.nu/ky06
  Replies (27) Good night (5985) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  did you fuck him yet?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): did you fuck him yet? (1-902): hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun? http://tfl.nu/r4bc
  Replies (22) Good night (6392) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (63) Good night (56967) Bad night (1217)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures http://tfl.nu/psn6
  Replies (24) Good night (8061) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it

  (917): View more from New York City

  the suitcase or the dildo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it (917): the suitcase or the dildo? http://tfl.nu/j1en
  Replies (39) Good night (10027) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits" http://tfl.nu/f8ma
  Replies (15) Good night (4506) Bad night (1679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate (401): Well how do you think I feel (860): fair enough http://tfl.nu/zhgr
  Replies (39) Good night (9370) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating. http://tfl.nu/sjit
  Replies (35) Good night (13373) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

  (909): View more from California

  dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito. (909): dude... how have they not drug tested you yet? http://tfl.nu/fx38
  Replies (43) Good night (6828) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gwo8
  Replies (59) Good night (5070) Bad night (4628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics http://tfl.nu/wc24
  Replies (50) Good night (5169) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were. http://tfl.nu/cyr9
  Replies (19) Good night (4681) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Then she called me a home wrecking whore.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Then she called me a home wrecking whore. (1-702): dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count. http://tfl.nu/bp07
  Replies (15) Good night (5857) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (30061) Bad night (2151)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down. http://tfl.nu/fg57
  Replies (19) Good night (6899) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus. http://tfl.nu/kpmf
  Replies (26) Good night (8884) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wish they made sweatshirts for legs

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  you mean pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I wish they made sweatshirts for legs (1-602): you mean pants? http://tfl.nu/ceop
  Replies (38) Good night (8485) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Shut up. I did not.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I really wish I was making that up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras. (1-918): Shut up. I did not. (918): I really wish I was making that up. http://tfl.nu/wbcz
  Replies (35) Good night (6527) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk. http://tfl.nu/brrf
  Replies (12) Good night (4086) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor. http://tfl.nu/1mpx
  Replies (26) Good night (5887) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well. http://tfl.nu/p8ga
  Replies (13) Good night (622) Bad night (2699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him http://tfl.nu/5c6r
  Replies (144) Good night (17387) Bad night (2719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here" http://tfl.nu/hp38
  Replies (18) Good night (6831) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60831) Bad night (1887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"? http://tfl.nu/0zdv
  Replies (29) Good night (5048) Bad night (1563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (32252) Bad night (1603)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You? http://tfl.nu/i2et
  Replies (26) Good night (7268) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina. http://tfl.nu/6q39
  Replies (290) Good night (4086) Bad night (2607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me. http://tfl.nu/gnbi
  Replies (55) Good night (5989) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  that's gum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years? (815): that's gum http://tfl.nu/8le7
  Replies (42) Good night (2811) Bad night (2700)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (49035) Bad night (2041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you? http://tfl.nu/kjun
  Replies (18) Good night (3274) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (9854) Bad night (721)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class http://tfl.nu/grnd
  Replies (20) Good night (6348) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil. http://tfl.nu/drc4
  Replies (13) Good night (7368) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight? (570): No http://tfl.nu/7sm8
  Replies (34) Good night (1752) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I can't breathe out the right side of my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I can't breathe out the right side of my face http://tfl.nu/2qbr
  Replies (5) Good night (646) Bad night (1886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj
  Replies (32) Good night (12940) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind http://tfl.nu/hlcm
  Replies (23) Good night (4021) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal http://tfl.nu/usjw
  Replies (29) Good night (21697) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (225) Good night (7501) Bad night (72130)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me. (706): Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest. http://tfl.nu/zfpy
  Replies (75) Good night (2098) Bad night (3884)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk http://tfl.nu/ntyc
  Replies (18) Good night (2416) Bad night (1446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Fuck. Wron person. But yea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex (404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut (770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea http://tfl.nu/bsak
  Replies (26) Good night (1707) Bad night (3389)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks http://tfl.nu/ycbx
  Replies (149) Good night (3257) Bad night (1952)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4812) Bad night (101265)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet. http://tfl.nu/i3tf
  Replies (17) Good night (732) Bad night (1807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day http://tfl.nu/bp9q
  Replies (36) Good night (6069) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (353) Good night (7742) Bad night (48303)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls. http://tfl.nu/2hrl
  Replies (30) Good night (10341) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Me specifically?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818
  Replies (44) Good night (9446) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point http://tfl.nu/celc
  Replies (40) Good night (1819) Bad night (7013)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Nevermind, it's not water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle. (907): Nevermind, it's not water. http://tfl.nu/jzsy
  Replies (24) Good night (7002) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out. http://tfl.nu/ndw1
  Replies (50) Good night (1432) Bad night (18287)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  what did you hear about me?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around

  (630): View more from Illinois

  that was hard to say and not laugh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): what did you hear about me? (630): that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around (630): that was hard to say and not laugh http://tfl.nu/dwdl
  Replies (13) Good night (4489) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just stepped in cum. i hate you.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Thats what happens when you don't swallow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just stepped in cum. i hate you. (603): Thats what happens when you don't swallow. http://tfl.nu/7phl
  Replies (86) Good night (9338) Bad night (2691)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  nope, you were tallying rejections at the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots? (734): nope, you were tallying rejections at the party http://tfl.nu/c1is
  Replies (8) Good night (962) Bad night (5826)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics (1-402): you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys. http://tfl.nu/veft
  Replies (18) Good night (8443) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  what the hell does that mean?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here (1-208): what the hell does that mean? (208): nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages http://tfl.nu/of9o
  Replies (26) Good night (2456) Bad night (3791)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one. http://tfl.nu/ogtf
  Replies (77) Good night (7073) Bad night (1563)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right http://tfl.nu/yhhf
  Replies (38) Good night (4872) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible". http://tfl.nu/e3k3
  Replies (43) Good night (7522) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal http://tfl.nu/nm22
  Replies (64) Good night (1263) Bad night (5772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself

  (707): View more from California

  dude you teach first grade wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself (707): dude you teach first grade wtf http://tfl.nu/gqyp
  Replies (57) Good night (7983) Bad night (1846)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby (1-515): What the fuck were you doing at wal mart? http://tfl.nu/0ikn
  Replies (50) Good night (7394) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk
  Replies (61) Good night (14410) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event. http://tfl.nu/eg4k
  Replies (22) Good night (8610) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical. http://tfl.nu/onyl
  Replies (42) Good night (9886) Bad night (1618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  ha well at least you have goals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong. (208): ha well at least you have goals. http://tfl.nu/c71p
  Replies (49) Good night (6852) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I've always been the spiritual type.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion. (1-702): I've always been the spiritual type. http://tfl.nu/v0oc
  Replies (27) Good night (7494) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73365) Bad night (2463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving. http://tfl.nu/b59v
  Replies (36) Good night (5807) Bad night (1400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower. http://tfl.nu/v1s4
  Replies (33) Good night (5305) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk (415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts http://tfl.nu/5sxt
  Replies (49) Good night (8270) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  New charity walk idea!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished. (202): New charity walk idea! http://tfl.nu/skxt
  Replies (31) Good night (12993) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make http://tfl.nu/gmr8
  Replies (60) Good night (10028) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (179) Good night (1956) Bad night (28229)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity http://tfl.nu/4zrt
  Replies (44) Good night (15219) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?

  (954): View more from Florida

  Why wouldn't there be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower? (954): Why wouldn't there be. http://tfl.nu/wwnv
  Replies (28) Good night (7483) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle. http://tfl.nu/5a1c
  Replies (9) Good night (871) Bad night (2802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up http://tfl.nu/q8f6
  Replies (50) Good night (10309) Bad night (1584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (1889) Bad night (25530)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic http://tfl.nu/himg
  Replies (20) Good night (4845) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (13354) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God. http://tfl.nu/c3gg
  Replies (74) Good night (24055) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store http://tfl.nu/25ph
  Replies (86) Good night (14498) Bad night (2302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five (1-262): bitch http://tfl.nu/m1tn
  Replies (62) Good night (2970) Bad night (4701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado. http://tfl.nu/h7dy
  Replies (25) Good night (6070) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17876) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  ra ra ra ah ah

  (573): View more from Missouri

  wtf?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  sexting lady gaga style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): ra ra ra ah ah (573): wtf? (636): sexting lady gaga style http://tfl.nu/2d0r
  Replies (59) Good night (5047) Bad night (1384)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it http://tfl.nu/0kqo
  Replies (11) Good night (4007) Bad night (1509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  was that a mass text??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791
  Replies (60) Good night (10822) Bad night (2171)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): im trying to catch a child molester. call you later. http://tfl.nu/dlxg
  Replies (21) Good night (5160) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1719) Bad night (10735)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k
  Replies (68) Good night (9381) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6562) Bad night (2312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him. http://tfl.nu/coq9
  Replies (9) Good night (4581) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  wow, that really makes you stop and think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys (1-804): wow, that really makes you stop and think. http://tfl.nu/7oma
  Replies (11) Good night (1193) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds http://tfl.nu/u8pq
  Replies (36) Good night (6190) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move. http://tfl.nu/t85w
  Replies (17) Good night (2549) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012 http://tfl.nu/jiqa
  Replies (20) Good night (6046) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half. http://tfl.nu/fs6e
  Replies (83) Good night (22240) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you http://tfl.nu/9qq5
  Replies (39) Good night (6148) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once. http://tfl.nu/u86e
  Replies (71) Good night (12002) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes. http://tfl.nu/wfzo
  Replies (68) Good night (3615) Bad night (1817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night. http://tfl.nu/wct2
  Replies (37) Good night (5227) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time? (702): not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning http://tfl.nu/nxoz
  Replies (23) Good night (2535) Bad night (4211)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family. http://tfl.nu/crmt
  Replies (17) Good night (4895) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at http://tfl.nu/9oei
  Replies (20) Good night (4571) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26268) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we just fucked in the mcds parking lot

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  wasnt he a virgin

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yes we got celebratory milkshakes after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we just fucked in the mcds parking lot (1-732): wasnt he a virgin (732): yes we got celebratory milkshakes after http://tfl.nu/wnnd
  Replies (60) Good night (13265) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie http://tfl.nu/225r
  Replies (39) Good night (7318) Bad night (1363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever." http://tfl.nu/4fcm
  Replies (49) Good night (17452) Bad night (1586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
  Replies (88) Good night (9586) Bad night (1557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius? http://tfl.nu/ei5s
  Replies (150) Good night (14462) Bad night (3210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38526) Bad night (1464)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit http://tfl.nu/r71a
  Replies (46) Good night (4928) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming. http://tfl.nu/4nef
  Replies (51) Good night (8515) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt