omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
