Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
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