lovebugnurrug's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

  (1-530): View more from California

  fuck. you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv
  Replies (54) Good night (11993) Bad night (1675)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again. http://tfl.nu/0sqv
  Replies (23) Good night (1406) Bad night (4674)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs http://tfl.nu/dxeo
  Replies (13) Good night (8540) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
  Replies (20) Good night (9461) Bad night (1532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house. http://tfl.nu/8emi
  Replies (13) Good night (5573) Bad night (1263)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
  Replies (26) Good night (11435) Bad night (1773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Yeah, but four times?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it. (1-702): Yeah, but four times? http://tfl.nu/x8r7
  Replies (30) Good night (6932) Bad night (1690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs http://tfl.nu/yswk
  Replies (18) Good night (10423) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout? http://tfl.nu/0knj
  Replies (24) Good night (5657) Bad night (2267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine.. http://tfl.nu/247z
  Replies (8) Good night (4652) Bad night (1381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (13074) Bad night (1187)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard http://tfl.nu/4drm
  Replies (22) Good night (7969) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left http://tfl.nu/kqqk
  Replies (26) Good night (5036) Bad night (1580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you. http://tfl.nu/btkl
  Replies (11) Good night (6607) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (6052) Bad night (1682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out... (615): Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again http://tfl.nu/gvsb
  Replies (15) Good night (1583) Bad night (4002)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption. http://tfl.nu/47c6
  Replies (24) Good night (6020) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (13376) Bad night (1983)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37223) Bad night (1403)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (29) Good night (1911) Bad night (6686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them http://tfl.nu/szer
  Replies (14) Good night (2283) Bad night (6275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking http://tfl.nu/fefy
  Replies (39) Good night (7395) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it http://tfl.nu/r7l5
  Replies (16) Good night (5221) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11. http://tfl.nu/hmrj
  Replies (37) Good night (956) Bad night (9087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars" http://tfl.nu/ujcf
  Replies (7) Good night (4726) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight. http://tfl.nu/ioqv
  Replies (30) Good night (9261) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found... http://tfl.nu/titb
  Replies (16) Good night (9655) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy
  Replies (48) Good night (22110) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8488) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Better looking than her though please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with? (416): Better looking than her though please. http://tfl.nu/bks1
  Replies (29) Good night (1913) Bad night (6017)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire http://tfl.nu/ncts
  Replies (10) Good night (4942) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  None of that is ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there. (1-312): None of that is ok. http://tfl.nu/fi6r
  Replies (38) Good night (5413) Bad night (3580)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away. http://tfl.nu/8l4v
  Replies (21) Good night (1274) Bad night (5358)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the worst part is we had a camera rolling

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have to watch that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the worst part is we had a camera rolling (267): Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys? (215): Yes. (267): I have to watch that. http://tfl.nu/u325
  Replies (30) Good night (5213) Bad night (1242)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever. http://tfl.nu/u46n
  Replies (21) Good night (4998) Bad night (1738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves http://tfl.nu/mggy
  Replies (20) Good night (5989) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that? http://tfl.nu/r8k1
  Replies (44) Good night (1121) Bad night (8698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual. http://tfl.nu/97w0
  Replies (44) Good night (13079) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10449) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/ffng
  Replies (34) Good night (5920) Bad night (2929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name. http://tfl.nu/axbm
  Replies (33) Good night (1417) Bad night (13521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water http://tfl.nu/ivkw
  Replies (14) Good night (5273) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks? http://tfl.nu/42dk
  Replies (10) Good night (725) Bad night (3917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option. http://tfl.nu/ipw1
  Replies (34) Good night (9956) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
  Replies (43) Good night (9418) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6269) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that. http://tfl.nu/a0qi
  Replies (11) Good night (3514) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (111) Good night (50737) Bad night (1680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru". http://tfl.nu/gnr7
  Replies (26) Good night (1116) Bad night (5894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer. (1-406): Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs http://tfl.nu/ro47
  Replies (46) Good night (742) Bad night (4407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt http://tfl.nu/m43s
  Replies (32) Good night (975) Bad night (5486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical http://tfl.nu/u7u5
  Replies (18) Good night (9364) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.

  (818): View more from California

  Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.

  (818): View more from California

  And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week. (818): Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks. (818): And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it. http://tfl.nu/ncbc
  Replies (14) Good night (3286) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything. http://tfl.nu/zuo5
  Replies (41) Good night (2359) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire. http://tfl.nu/37qo
  Replies (30) Good night (15629) Bad night (1527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries. http://tfl.nu/yhvv
  Replies (12) Good night (6383) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago. http://tfl.nu/uh8m
  Replies (35) Good night (13628) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy
  Replies (40) Good night (11019) Bad night (2902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  You're perfectly engineered for doggy style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): You're perfectly engineered for doggy style http://tfl.nu/minq
  Replies (25) Good night (5502) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking. http://tfl.nu/kuj0
  Replies (11) Good night (814) Bad night (4052)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6341) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week http://tfl.nu/r1k8
  Replies (7) Good night (622) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/jq9y
  Replies (74) Good night (11683) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing. http://tfl.nu/dymp
  Replies (56) Good night (7833) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed http://tfl.nu/1ijl
  Replies (13) Good night (5096) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope." http://tfl.nu/2m2o
  Replies (36) Good night (684) Bad night (3637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in http://tfl.nu/womw
  Replies (37) Good night (1488) Bad night (2914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/uye1
  Replies (39) Good night (1831) Bad night (7778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16886) Bad night (1264)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now http://tfl.nu/173b
  Replies (25) Good night (8806) Bad night (1283)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight. http://tfl.nu/18md
  Replies (85) Good night (13631) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name. http://tfl.nu/s3qy
  Replies (52) Good night (17048) Bad night (1138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again http://tfl.nu/a301
  Replies (7) Good night (3469) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

  (347): View more from New York

  I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su
  Replies (41) Good night (11113) Bad night (2089)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went http://tfl.nu/2n24
  Replies (7) Good night (1643) Bad night (3266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause http://tfl.nu/0zau
  Replies (65) Good night (17191) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/qnaa
  Replies (29) Good night (5686) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down http://tfl.nu/ig2f
  Replies (8) Good night (6501) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes http://tfl.nu/g514
  Replies (11) Good night (4553) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (30124) Bad night (2168)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better http://tfl.nu/no2g
  Replies (26) Good night (1778) Bad night (4717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend" http://tfl.nu/qrpo
  Replies (11) Good night (4497) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart

  (281): View more from Texas

  What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart (281): What theme did he decide on for the bathroom? (660): Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni http://tfl.nu/hovp
  Replies (19) Good night (5045) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl
  Replies (118) Good night (37864) Bad night (1308)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?! http://tfl.nu/evmd
  Replies (28) Good night (3779) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  Do u kno any dealers?

  (1-424): View more from California

  I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): Do u kno any dealers? (1-424): I've officially lost all respect for you, dad. http://tfl.nu/eaqw
  Replies (36) Good night (2634) Bad night (7436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad. http://tfl.nu/r9d8
  Replies (4) Good night (2853) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?

  (516): View more from New York

  nope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"? (516): nope. http://tfl.nu/1bih
  Replies (21) Good night (1159) Bad night (4211)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub http://tfl.nu/5cjl
  Replies (20) Good night (5010) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did. http://tfl.nu/zdnh
  Replies (9) Good night (3488) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell. http://tfl.nu/ywtf
  Replies (12) Good night (3293) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you. http://tfl.nu/t7go
  Replies (21) Good night (4590) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight. http://tfl.nu/8h1f
  Replies (7) Good night (2936) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom. http://tfl.nu/w3y3
  Replies (2) Good night (1171) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect. http://tfl.nu/w6ad
  Replies (17) Good night (1152) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (11366) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (54) Good night (2493) Bad night (14840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl? http://tfl.nu/85q0
  Replies (23) Good night (3861) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook http://tfl.nu/0qwr
  Replies (26) Good night (621) Bad night (2780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  couldn't find a condom?

  (804): View more from Virginia

  basically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you (1-804): couldn't find a condom? (804): basically http://tfl.nu/rfmp
  Replies (16) Good night (5770) Bad night (1228)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever. http://tfl.nu/mdyd
  Replies (16) Good night (6394) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  im bored tell me something entertaining

  (206): View more from Washington

  You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao
  Replies (48) Good night (1450) Bad night (9612)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher? http://tfl.nu/k3ff
  Replies (18) Good night (4106) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already" http://tfl.nu/32w5
  Replies (18) Good night (622) Bad night (4799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf. http://tfl.nu/6o5h
  Replies (38) Good night (6135) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off http://tfl.nu/wsi1
  Replies (8) Good night (2977) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks" http://tfl.nu/u0u9
  Replies (18) Good night (5656) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense http://tfl.nu/65hc
  Replies (23) Good night (1711) Bad night (5403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." http://tfl.nu/z2kp
  Replies (64) Good night (7825) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp http://tfl.nu/bier
  Replies (41) Good night (1270) Bad night (12244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere. http://tfl.nu/70ri
  Replies (32) Good night (1162) Bad night (5002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome http://tfl.nu/01jd
  Replies (36) Good night (9624) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  What did we do last night that was yellow?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): What did we do last night that was yellow? http://tfl.nu/a1qq
  Replies (4) Good night (987) Bad night (1852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again http://tfl.nu/3f6n
  Replies (10) Good night (5536) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal" http://tfl.nu/pkcw
  Replies (12) Good night (5257) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch. http://tfl.nu/wqdf
  Replies (6) Good night (419) Bad night (3110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/4ovg
  Replies (35) Good night (5572) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice. http://tfl.nu/z7v3
  Replies (14) Good night (4400) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number http://tfl.nu/mfjx
  Replies (14) Good night (6830) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear... http://tfl.nu/9by5
  Replies (19) Good night (4342) Bad night (1847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (44) Good night (14944) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints" http://tfl.nu/ml68
  Replies (12) Good night (6240) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  did it work

  (573): View more from Missouri

  that's not the point...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?" (314): did it work (573): that's not the point... http://tfl.nu/fjqb
  Replies (74) Good night (9413) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!? http://tfl.nu/nh7f
  Replies (39) Good night (8193) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga. http://tfl.nu/5ric
  Replies (16) Good night (3936) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them. http://tfl.nu/5z6d
  Replies (37) Good night (6589) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it. http://tfl.nu/pdii
  Replies (9) Good night (756) Bad night (4533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one. http://tfl.nu/fj7c
  Replies (7) Good night (8583) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (15177) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  our generation is not ready to get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"? (636): our generation is not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/klk9
  Replies (49) Good night (6722) Bad night (2359)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame. http://tfl.nu/lek8
  Replies (6) Good night (3886) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I hate the hobo that sits outside our building

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Joe or Chris?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I hate the hobo that sits outside our building (1-314): Joe or Chris? (314): do i even wanna kno y u kno their names? (1-314): well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye. http://tfl.nu/9vla
  Replies (17) Good night (8039) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx
  Replies (23) Good night (11155) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9574) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic (1-402): i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities. http://tfl.nu/psst
  Replies (70) Good night (7878) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils http://tfl.nu/glcj
  Replies (8) Good night (969) Bad night (2743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up http://tfl.nu/fu0m
  Replies (22) Good night (5283) Bad night (2609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court. http://tfl.nu/8rt0
  Replies (10) Good night (6170) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw. http://tfl.nu/9aqz
  Replies (17) Good night (4592) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit. http://tfl.nu/890j
  Replies (48) Good night (2682) Bad night (9387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman http://tfl.nu/zmqz
  Replies (22) Good night (4160) Bad night (2177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child http://tfl.nu/48ux
  Replies (31) Good night (7851) Bad night (1352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved http://tfl.nu/wek7
  Replies (11) Good night (5161) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car http://tfl.nu/2v39
  Replies (9) Good night (4146) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust. http://tfl.nu/mc9g
  Replies (6) Good night (5889) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Grandpa would have been proud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out. (815): Grandpa would have been proud http://tfl.nu/nrjc
  Replies (13) Good night (5701) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju
  Replies (19) Good night (8813) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/whuj
  Replies (39) Good night (7295) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g
  Replies (36) Good night (12609) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (136) Good night (7312) Bad night (55293)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
  Replies (100) Good night (7041) Bad night (60281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome. http://tfl.nu/crh1
  Replies (39) Good night (1018) Bad night (4960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/agqx
  Replies (39) Good night (1344) Bad night (4266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it http://tfl.nu/jqdj
  Replies (12) Good night (1232) Bad night (4741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter. http://tfl.nu/xztf
  Replies (33) Good night (1899) Bad night (5443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life' http://tfl.nu/863e
  Replies (26) Good night (6780) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us http://tfl.nu/v63w
  Replies (6) Good night (4952) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (18537) Bad night (2436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me... http://tfl.nu/nenj
  Replies (13) Good night (7912) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here." http://tfl.nu/dk13
  Replies (20) Good night (8915) Bad night (1642)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/7fga
  Replies (18) Good night (7608) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters. http://tfl.nu/tngh
  Replies (16) Good night (886) Bad night (7897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings? http://tfl.nu/epiw
  Replies (9) Good night (985) Bad night (3186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM" http://tfl.nu/3pco
  Replies (26) Good night (1551) Bad night (7282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!) http://tfl.nu/z6cg
  Replies (49) Good night (8028) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale. http://tfl.nu/y4yj
  Replies (48) Good night (20702) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night http://tfl.nu/bxgc
  Replies (13) Good night (6449) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk4i
  Replies (12) Good night (7222) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n

  (559): View more from California

  sry, psychiatrist trumps professor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n (559): sry, psychiatrist trumps professor http://tfl.nu/qnkf
  Replies (43) Good night (6532) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7526) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married

  (214): View more from Texas

  What? They have three kids?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married (214): What? They have three kids? (512): Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me http://tfl.nu/93bk
  Replies (20) Good night (757) Bad night (5951)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites. http://tfl.nu/811n
  Replies (10) Good night (4804) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen http://tfl.nu/tcr3
  Replies (20) Good night (606) Bad night (5196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure. http://tfl.nu/i2sm
  Replies (33) Good night (6611) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote http://tfl.nu/0x07
  Replies (37) Good night (3546) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one... http://tfl.nu/uf1v
  Replies (16) Good night (577) Bad night (5096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid? http://tfl.nu/a3m4
  Replies (49) Good night (505) Bad night (3830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong. http://tfl.nu/sxrt
  Replies (4) Good night (2166) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (28394) Bad night (1994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): 'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/k9vf
  Replies (15) Good night (636) Bad night (3544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother. http://tfl.nu/z8j5
  Replies (28) Good night (1601) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  I like it rough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right? (1-402): I like it rough http://tfl.nu/uqsl
  Replies (38) Good night (6643) Bad night (1468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Mommy issues

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick. (1-303): Mommy issues http://tfl.nu/pw3k
  Replies (4) Good night (690) Bad night (1675)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different. http://tfl.nu/n2zh
  Replies (38) Good night (6250) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever http://tfl.nu/81xl
  Replies (30) Good night (8593) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Its only 8 and she is already passed out

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Its only 8 and she is already passed out (1-702): Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2 http://tfl.nu/cu8c
  Replies (73) Good night (1321) Bad night (3633)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Responsible fail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior? (773): Responsible fail? http://tfl.nu/nxhx
  Replies (19) Good night (1308) Bad night (5298)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0
  Replies (24) Good night (4170) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  details?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  alcohol + bed + penis = sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir (952): details? (920): alcohol + bed + penis = sex http://tfl.nu/7qj6
  Replies (28) Good night (2739) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small. http://tfl.nu/i072
  Replies (47) Good night (4167) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  nope, you were tallying rejections at the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots? (734): nope, you were tallying rejections at the party http://tfl.nu/c1is
  Replies (8) Good night (970) Bad night (5836)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video http://tfl.nu/m72m
  Replies (43) Good night (11115) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (17518) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster. http://tfl.nu/3vkx
  Replies (22) Good night (4085) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record. http://tfl.nu/hgn7
  Replies (2) Good night (3869) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice http://tfl.nu/x5d6
  Replies (4) Good night (1717) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy? http://tfl.nu/0629
  Replies (44) Good night (6093) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I really wanna talk..

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I really wanna talk.. (1-817): if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down http://tfl.nu/qj3j
  Replies (82) Good night (7776) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know. http://tfl.nu/z1c6
  Replies (29) Good night (7833) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME http://tfl.nu/i706
  Replies (51) Good night (582) Bad night (6799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends. http://tfl.nu/iv37
  Replies (45) Good night (11654) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu
  Replies (18) Good night (4209) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again? http://tfl.nu/0m4c
  Replies (13) Good night (2587) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  but fathers day is next sunday

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day (617): but fathers day is next sunday (781): i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet http://tfl.nu/pxvx
  Replies (14) Good night (762) Bad night (4193)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp? http://tfl.nu/p1my
  Replies (28) Good night (1100) Bad night (5692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am http://tfl.nu/xq9v
  Replies (30) Good night (4946) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case" http://tfl.nu/fgo6
  Replies (12) Good night (6427) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you" http://tfl.nu/k4ce
  Replies (42) Good night (1247) Bad night (6605)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class

  (914): View more from New York

  isnt today saturday?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class (914): isnt today saturday? http://tfl.nu/dclk
  Replies (28) Good night (917) Bad night (6136)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework http://tfl.nu/o5bk
  Replies (34) Good night (1108) Bad night (4607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha how do you remember that?

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  HOW COULD I FORGET?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later. (1-717): Haha how do you remember that? (717): HOW COULD I FORGET?! http://tfl.nu/ylr0
  Replies (39) Good night (5388) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is.. http://tfl.nu/1wrs
  Replies (50) Good night (2091) Bad night (9263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick. http://tfl.nu/ongn
  Replies (27) Good night (6286) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight? http://tfl.nu/82sl
  Replies (73) Good night (9659) Bad night (2089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing. http://tfl.nu/y30j
  Replies (20) Good night (8760) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one. http://tfl.nu/52ae
  Replies (16) Good night (3574) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex. http://tfl.nu/ut6h
  Replies (6) Good night (3420) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously i just wanna be friends

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  pass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): seriously i just wanna be friends (1-508): pass http://tfl.nu/b8w4
  Replies (39) Good night (1321) Bad night (5712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone. http://tfl.nu/pjzv
  Replies (39) Good night (6585) Bad night (2492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see! http://tfl.nu/gbe5
  Replies (7) Good night (4539) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers http://tfl.nu/z5gf
  Replies (43) Good night (6406) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy. http://tfl.nu/jygh
  Replies (15) Good night (6315) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am. http://tfl.nu/8xi2
  Replies (15) Good night (8766) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life. http://tfl.nu/7cvo
  Replies (21) Good night (8518) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/xu8i
  Replies (39) Good night (6677) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  where do you find these guys?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen" (1-703): where do you find these guys? http://tfl.nu/45ye
  Replies (8) Good night (1178) Bad night (3891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Great. Don't do shady things like that ok? http://tfl.nu/xavr
  Replies (4) Good night (832) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sry I called you an 8

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Sry I called you an 8 http://tfl.nu/qhuo
  Replies (5) Good night (888) Bad night (1716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word http://tfl.nu/bxy9
  Replies (12) Good night (1495) Bad night (2384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  It's worth it.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  How worth it?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Back door worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up? (312): It's worth it. (248): How worth it? (312): Back door worth it http://tfl.nu/ijuf
  Replies (4) Good night (4016) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Perfect. Like where your heads at

  (906): View more from Michigan

  By relax I mean have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow (248): Perfect. Like where your heads at (906) By relax I mean have sex http://tfl.nu/crtd
  Replies (2) Good night (2158) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ...is it true? will i see you next weekend

  (248): View more from Michigan

  YES.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): ...is it true? will i see you next weekend (248): YES. (614): ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us http://tfl.nu/m1xt
  Replies (22) Good night (3476) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/c954
  Replies (12) Good night (2574) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee http://tfl.nu/or77
  Replies (3) Good night (835) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on. http://tfl.nu/7zdh
  Replies (2) Good night (1329) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up http://tfl.nu/y2zz
  Replies (1) Good night (684) Bad night (1106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm so hungover and dru,k

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now (810): I'm so hungover and dru,k http://tfl.nu/ug4y
  Replies (4) Good night (912) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  RUDE.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  outsmarted mickey deeeees

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions. (1-248): RUDE. (248): I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o. (1-248): outsmarted mickey deeeees http://tfl.nu/mqmo
  Replies (11) Good night (2711) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes http://tfl.nu/lrst
  Replies (1) Good night (1798) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  break up sex still means we will always be broken up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): break up sex still means we will always be broken up. http://tfl.nu/dud5
  Replies (1) Good night (776) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I want 2 things right now, you or a cig

  (810): View more from Michigan

  cig

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I want 2 things right now, you or a cig (810): cig http://tfl.nu/vys5
  Replies (4) Good night (658) Bad night (1322)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna have a badass scar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm gonna have a badass scar http://tfl.nu/vp2m
  Replies (3) Good night (1482) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow http://tfl.nu/a3vb
  Replies (2) Good night (1026) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Pussy?

  (586): View more from Michigan

  how

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Wat do u mean how?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Pussy? (586): how (248): Wat do u mean how? http://tfl.nu/4yqk
  Replies (5) Good night (690) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out. http://tfl.nu/flyw
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you? http://tfl.nu/mhei
  Replies (8) Good night (2041) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick. http://tfl.nu/6zdd
  Replies (16) Good night (1549) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did) http://tfl.nu/wp6c
  Replies (3) Good night (1268) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...

  (703): View more from Virginia

  oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine... (703): oh http://tfl.nu/2rig
  Replies (10) Good night (710) Bad night (3031)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here. http://tfl.nu/good
  Replies (8) Good night (2671) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something! http://tfl.nu/qltt
  Replies (14) Good night (664) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference http://tfl.nu/k6zm
  Replies (33) Good night (6569) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy http://tfl.nu/dtdn
  Replies (17) Good night (4865) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person http://tfl.nu/uj7d
  Replies (13) Good night (3543) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Update, blind date is cute and fun.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Scratch that, blind date just threw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Update, blind date is cute and fun. (248): Scratch that, blind date just threw up. http://tfl.nu/ooba
  Replies (10) Good night (531) Bad night (3866)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food. http://tfl.nu/368q
  Replies (59) Good night (745) Bad night (3691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot. http://tfl.nu/4bij
  Replies (20) Good night (2291) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML? http://tfl.nu/ajh1
  Replies (105) Good night (22660) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no, it is just poor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam (630): no, it is just poor http://tfl.nu/96gb
  Replies (75) Good night (725) Bad night (2507)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu <3 (1-248): please stop breathing. http://tfl.nu/7uu5
  Replies (36) Good night (656) Bad night (4909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/k6rq
  Replies (32) Good night (4212) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills. http://tfl.nu/4uyj
  Replies (10) Good night (3093) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time http://tfl.nu/04o8
  Replies (7) Good night (910) Bad night (3289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn. http://tfl.nu/n0iu
  Replies (8) Good night (2966) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer. http://tfl.nu/nnju
  Replies (59) Good night (1168) Bad night (6329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth." http://tfl.nu/c9w9
  Replies (15) Good night (7595) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding. http://tfl.nu/2d2l
  Replies (35) Good night (1490) Bad night (6452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So did the night end well for you?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So did the night end well for you? (248): I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text http://tfl.nu/n8vz
  Replies (31) Good night (1052) Bad night (8991)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone http://tfl.nu/ll67
  Replies (46) Good night (6727) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home. http://tfl.nu/dmz8
  Replies (49) Good night (5244) Bad night (2106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time http://tfl.nu/uesv
  Replies (8) Good night (986) Bad night (5200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast. http://tfl.nu/sg9r
  Replies (32) Good night (817) Bad night (6880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit? http://tfl.nu/e30d
  Replies (24) Good night (6941) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was http://tfl.nu/zwm2
  Replies (51) Good night (999) Bad night (8821)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i
  Replies (78) Good night (12387) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win. http://tfl.nu/almv
  Replies (47) Good night (21976) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll. http://tfl.nu/4l0s
  Replies (14) Good night (5228) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2??? http://tfl.nu/dt4w
  Replies (51) Good night (5689) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice. http://tfl.nu/zl11
  Replies (22) Good night (862) Bad night (6496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent. http://tfl.nu/jxt2
  Replies (108) Good night (13729) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  you lied. pity sex is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): you lied. pity sex is amazing. http://tfl.nu/c61w
  Replies (27) Good night (6865) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks http://tfl.nu/rdtc
  Replies (50) Good night (7017) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't remember what your face looks like..

  (727): View more from Florida

  I don't remember your face either, just your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't remember what your face looks like.. (727): I don't remember your face either, just your dick. http://tfl.nu/odit
  Replies (19) Good night (6257) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  i told you not to try chat roulette

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world (1-248): i told you not to try chat roulette http://tfl.nu/80bv
  Replies (20) Good night (1146) Bad night (6363)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times... http://tfl.nu/ibyk
  Replies (15) Good night (5469) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme. http://tfl.nu/8vj2
  Replies (12) Good night (7700) Bad night (1207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (66) Good night (25166) Bad night (2668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail. http://tfl.nu/ymgr
  Replies (7) Good night (738) Bad night (3325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle. http://tfl.nu/mxjx
  Replies (7) Good night (779) Bad night (4868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives??? http://tfl.nu/8m9c
  Replies (65) Good night (7213) Bad night (1327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  first off, his name is dougie. strike one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): first off, his name is dougie. strike one. http://tfl.nu/yrg3
  Replies (22) Good night (963) Bad night (4499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night http://tfl.nu/kb2l
  Replies (5) Good night (4057) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right? http://tfl.nu/9j2v
  Replies (38) Good night (7466) Bad night (1707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants http://tfl.nu/xfxv
  Replies (46) Good night (13134) Bad night (1967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list http://tfl.nu/8owq
  Replies (20) Good night (11426) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I like you better when you drink

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I like you better when I drink too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I like you better when you drink (708): I like you better when I drink too http://tfl.nu/cvjp
  Replies (15) Good night (4456) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino http://tfl.nu/qzo5
  Replies (8) Good night (567) Bad night (2865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked

  (708): View more from Illinois

  so?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked (708): so? (630): then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas http://tfl.nu/17ue
  Replies (18) Good night (4418) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for" http://tfl.nu/5bi3
  Replies (120) Good night (944) Bad night (4111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face http://tfl.nu/tdg0
  Replies (28) Good night (2947) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me. http://tfl.nu/s161
  Replies (71) Good night (4097) Bad night (1704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (101) Good night (30573) Bad night (4739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do. http://tfl.nu/s093
  Replies (30) Good night (4033) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed http://tfl.nu/xhsk
  Replies (28) Good night (20972) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up. http://tfl.nu/l5tu
  Replies (10) Good night (5354) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (17637) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/2ce1
  Replies (24) Good night (1860) Bad night (9583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself. http://tfl.nu/qlu7
  Replies (42) Good night (5820) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her. http://tfl.nu/01f3
  Replies (12) Good night (5646) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  ... oops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity? (847): haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that. (217): ... oops http://tfl.nu/gsy7
  Replies (4) Good night (1047) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello. http://tfl.nu/7dqs
  Replies (14) Good night (1865) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you??? http://tfl.nu/p9qq
  Replies (174) Good night (2713) Bad night (32254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper http://tfl.nu/swmc
  Replies (55) Good night (11979) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike. http://tfl.nu/fre7
  Replies (47) Good night (8757) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke. http://tfl.nu/86z1
  Replies (17) Good night (801) Bad night (4331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life http://tfl.nu/29yn
  Replies (11) Good night (4287) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012 http://tfl.nu/jiqa
  Replies (20) Good night (6055) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot http://tfl.nu/time
  Replies (21) Good night (10770) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56949) Bad night (4713)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73542) Bad night (2506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60979) Bad night (1927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65499) Bad night (3464)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66809) Bad night (3032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (209) Good night (62100) Bad night (2292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65563) Bad night (3924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62331) Bad night (4292)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80308) Bad night (4336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (204) Good night (86593) Bad night (7142)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100482) Bad night (5754)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (90338) Bad night (3902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (127) Good night (127260) Bad night (2870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112388) Bad night (9778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142363) Bad night (9364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (203) Good night (116954) Bad night (3312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (409) Good night (103767) Bad night (9433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (383) Good night (128560) Bad night (4085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173326) Bad night (6947) Order T-Shirt