trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Loading more great texts...