cevtine's Favorites Texts:

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.

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  (269): I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it. http://tfl.nu/gxrr
  Replies (1) Good night (510) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally

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  (203): i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes (203): i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally http://tfl.nu/ln5z
  Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (749)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"

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  (651): Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS" http://tfl.nu/3sn5
  Replies (3) Good night (1786) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"

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  (720): You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!" http://tfl.nu/9zop
  Replies (10) Good night (2243) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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  (617): Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide." http://tfl.nu/7grl
  Replies (31) Good night (2548) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  There are so many Jimmy John's employees here

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Where are you?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Jimmy John's.

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  (512): There are so many Jimmy John's employees here (1-512): Where are you? (512): Jimmy John's. http://tfl.nu/2l3c
  Replies (10) Good night (5578) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."

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  (519): I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it." http://tfl.nu/vqit
  Replies (14) Good night (4408) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

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  (413): the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings. http://tfl.nu/xbcs
  Replies (11) Good night (8813) Bad night (849)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.

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  (336): You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed. http://tfl.nu/cedv
  Replies (101) Good night (9658) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I love you more than champagne and correct grammar

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  (304): I love you more than champagne and correct grammar http://tfl.nu/3165
  Replies (19) Good night (3701) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week

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  (415): I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week http://tfl.nu/hrh1
  Replies (1) Good night (912) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.

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  (914): Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house. http://tfl.nu/9b9q
  Replies (1) Good night (1109) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.

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  (206): Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life. http://tfl.nu/nb15
  Replies (12) Good night (2368) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.

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  (859): apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us. http://tfl.nu/vs1x
  Replies (18) Good night (3394) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me

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  (773): I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me http://tfl.nu/kij5
  Replies (9) Good night (1523) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?

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  (862): I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you? http://tfl.nu/xnnk
  Replies (16) Good night (2270) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.

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  (701): Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle. http://tfl.nu/xafh
  Replies (8) Good night (1186) Bad night (1821) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend

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  (208): I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend http://tfl.nu/wdl5
  Replies (13) Good night (3182) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.

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  (206): thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it. http://tfl.nu/8gdu
  Replies (2) Good night (2720) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?

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  (217): Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me? http://tfl.nu/r928
  Replies (9) Good night (2644) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.

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  (603): nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment. http://tfl.nu/rfmt
  Replies (4) Good night (2110) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.

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  (240): All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson. http://tfl.nu/a7nh
  Replies (7) Good night (2205) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning

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  (309): Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning http://tfl.nu/rh9g
  Replies (12) Good night (2164) Bad night (698)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.

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  (832): You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it. http://tfl.nu/3ywv
  Replies (25) Good night (5406) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?

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  (705): We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL? http://tfl.nu/ejsn
  Replies (12) Good night (2710) Bad night (545)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.

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  (573): You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field. http://tfl.nu/swf8
  Replies (7) Good night (1780) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

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  (267): Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays http://tfl.nu/fevr
  Replies (9) Good night (3587) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.

  (352): View more from Florida

  teach me your ways.

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  (770): he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it. (352): teach me your ways. http://tfl.nu/5pat
  Replies (6) Good night (2849) Bad night (710)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE

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  (575): I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE http://tfl.nu/fcs3
  Replies (8) Good night (3794) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.

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  (814): yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/on87
  Replies (5) Good night (3069) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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  (481): View more from

  I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW

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  (481): I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW http://tfl.nu/doc5
  Replies (8) Good night (2021) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.

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  (281): Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers. http://tfl.nu/dra4
  Replies (7) Good night (3590) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  I miss the smell of you or some shit.

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  (408): I miss the smell of you or some shit. http://tfl.nu/h6lu
  Replies (23) Good night (2789) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is

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  (248): I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is http://tfl.nu/r4l9
  Replies (9) Good night (4181) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer

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  (519): I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer http://tfl.nu/xxja
  Replies (11) Good night (2582) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty

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  (217): Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty http://tfl.nu/906v
  Replies (10) Good night (2038) Bad night (516)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Are we going out tonight?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My conscience says no but my vag says yes

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  (920): Are we going out tonight? (414): My conscience says no but my vag says yes http://tfl.nu/5n9j
  Replies (7) Good night (2822) Bad night (936)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".

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  (973): Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise". http://tfl.nu/r9vi
  Replies (7) Good night (867) Bad night (1871) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.

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  (310): Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate. http://tfl.nu/vwb7
  Replies (9) Good night (5369) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.

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  (214): Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures. http://tfl.nu/dcpy
  Replies (11) Good night (2411) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz

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  (401): Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz http://tfl.nu/2w6v
  Replies (19) Good night (2844) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.

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  (706): I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant. http://tfl.nu/0cvw
  Replies (50) Good night (5459) Bad night (1382) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.

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  (817): then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand. http://tfl.nu/4p59
  Replies (6) Good night (1246) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.

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  (518): our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here. http://tfl.nu/908w
  Replies (5) Good night (3222) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  He just called me juicy booty via text message.

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  (812): He just called me juicy booty via text message. http://tfl.nu/j99z
  Replies (6) Good night (1812) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.

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  (970): in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door. http://tfl.nu/9co9
  Replies (8) Good night (3264) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
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  (654): View more from

  And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.

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  (654): And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out. http://tfl.nu/4u7j
  Replies (5) Good night (2273) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

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  (832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd
  Replies (20) Good night (3669) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.

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  (918): The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals. http://tfl.nu/o5rq
  Replies (4) Good night (2119) Bad night (1713) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"

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  (334): Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick" http://tfl.nu/pihf
  Replies (12) Good night (2525) Bad night (744)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.

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  (361): There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked. http://tfl.nu/femh
  Replies (2) Good night (2048) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  there are ass prints on the hood of my car.

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  (601): there are ass prints on the hood of my car. http://tfl.nu/hwv7
  Replies (10) Good night (2936) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.

  (1-661): View more from California

  1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up

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  (661): 1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place. (1-661): 1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up http://tfl.nu/wu9m
  Replies (12) Good night (4244) Bad night (863)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.

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  (575): you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat. http://tfl.nu/lmrm
  Replies (10) Good night (2862) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.

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  (361): I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina. http://tfl.nu/9b7c
  Replies (17) Good night (3219) Bad night (1723) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.

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  (504): ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town. http://tfl.nu/omo7
  Replies (14) Good night (6141) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.

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  (559): Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out. http://tfl.nu/isge
  Replies (7) Good night (2647) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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  (658): View more from

  Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk

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  (658): Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk http://tfl.nu/a8a4
  Replies (5) Good night (2412) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard

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  (925): Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/2caa
  Replies (14) Good night (3829) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...

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  (732): Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL... http://tfl.nu/zpti
  Replies (6) Good night (1951) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.

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  (519): I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy. http://tfl.nu/1qel
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  (206): View more from Washington

  And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music

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  (206): And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music http://tfl.nu/tzqo
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  (518): View more from New York

  I want a grilled cheese and an IV

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  (518): I want a grilled cheese and an IV http://tfl.nu/ksb1
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.

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  (706): Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj. http://tfl.nu/1t4c
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.

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  (613): Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this. http://tfl.nu/j53e
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone

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  (480): oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone http://tfl.nu/6uha
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper

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  (720): me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling (303): Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper http://tfl.nu/d912
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.

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  (318): Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks. http://tfl.nu/1pi3
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..

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  (843): Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming.. http://tfl.nu/kfd5
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

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  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
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  (315): View more from New York

  My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.

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  (315): My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw. http://tfl.nu/z7bn
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function

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  (201): I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function http://tfl.nu/ad1f
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.

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  (765): he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it. http://tfl.nu/1dic
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  (845): View more from New York

  Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands

  (845): View more from New York

  i made a dollar

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  (845): Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands (845): i made a dollar http://tfl.nu/0t5e
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.

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  (917): i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping. http://tfl.nu/d7ey
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese

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  (248): btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese http://tfl.nu/b6cs
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??

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  (513): How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last?? http://tfl.nu/wkzl
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that

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  (407): I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that http://tfl.nu/57uu
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.

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  (225): she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her. http://tfl.nu/dxlc
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  (845): View more from New York

  When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"

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  (845): When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine" http://tfl.nu/u1m0
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  (518): View more from New York

  We left an ass print on the piano.

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  (518): We left an ass print on the piano. http://tfl.nu/qaoo
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder

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  (973): the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder http://tfl.nu/ecaz
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".

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  (859): The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis". http://tfl.nu/o2ql
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness

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  (515): Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness http://tfl.nu/59mb
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.

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  (503): I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/wdtm
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?

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  (919): Have you ever tried running while drinking 151? http://tfl.nu/mfna
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...

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  (978): you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool... http://tfl.nu/os9w
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.

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  (708): Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person. http://tfl.nu/v0my
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Chalk up having sex in a car wash.

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  (870): Chalk up having sex in a car wash. http://tfl.nu/k9pw
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY

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  (641): TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY http://tfl.nu/5weu
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday

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  (703): My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday http://tfl.nu/7nrp
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."

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  (734): We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing." http://tfl.nu/cqut
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.

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  (605): and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg. http://tfl.nu/8u14
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.

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  (251): I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight. http://tfl.nu/6i3x
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.

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  (603): You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time. http://tfl.nu/k6f1
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  (512): View more from Texas

  When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man

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  (512): When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man http://tfl.nu/fxmb
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  (409): View more from Texas

  I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong

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  (409): I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong http://tfl.nu/rbr5
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.

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  (636): I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk. http://tfl.nu/1zna
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  (420): View more from

  then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"

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  (420): then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman" http://tfl.nu/f59t
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  and then he started using my ass as a stressball

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  (973): and then he started using my ass as a stressball http://tfl.nu/q5mx
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"

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  (757): It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah" http://tfl.nu/ebyl
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  (845): View more from New York

  Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"

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  (845): Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!" http://tfl.nu/ndk1
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  (408): View more from California

  He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina

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  (408): He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina http://tfl.nu/ro7i
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.

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  (480): It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car. http://tfl.nu/gkht
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.

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  (404): Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800. http://tfl.nu/a5yx
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.

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  (603): Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case. http://tfl.nu/luz6
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  (914): View more from New York

  you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.

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  (914): you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap. http://tfl.nu/d86b
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.

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  (312): My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug. http://tfl.nu/uu90
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  (650): View more from California

  I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes

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  (650): I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes http://tfl.nu/pban
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.

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  (203): She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers. http://tfl.nu/qfx8
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.

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  (630): Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends. http://tfl.nu/htzg
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.

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  (770): No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party. http://tfl.nu/c4s1
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  (631): View more from New York

  Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.

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  (631): Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you. http://tfl.nu/saac
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.

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  (478): We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out. http://tfl.nu/tea7
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  (345): View more from Cayman Islands

  Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful

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  (345): Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful http://tfl.nu/njho
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.

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  (520): I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again. http://tfl.nu/aob4
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram

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  (708): This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram http://tfl.nu/p4j5
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.

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  (703): No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off. http://tfl.nu/2s4x
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  (650): View more from California

  I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.

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  (650): I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain. http://tfl.nu/vu8q
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  (805): View more from California

  I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.

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  (805): I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form. http://tfl.nu/c7k9
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?

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  (260): Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement? http://tfl.nu/iy8f
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  (914): View more from New York

  all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is

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  (914): all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is http://tfl.nu/2h7o
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.

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  (864): Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you. http://tfl.nu/wybw
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.

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  (270): I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut. http://tfl.nu/p9pu
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  (516): View more from New York

  the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.

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  (516): the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother. http://tfl.nu/cizt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.

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  (720): These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo. http://tfl.nu/f63z
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.

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  (603): this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with. http://tfl.nu/tzze
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  (562): View more from California

  she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend

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  (562): she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ejvb
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.

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  (336): Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape. http://tfl.nu/9ahj
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building

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  (952): So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building http://tfl.nu/qsqb
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood

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  (440): I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood http://tfl.nu/iriz
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .

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  (203): he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on . http://tfl.nu/rwb5
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.

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  (832): I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep. http://tfl.nu/qpw1
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

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  (402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden

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  (617): Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden http://tfl.nu/88jg
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.

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  (856): 2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over. http://tfl.nu/sc8m
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant

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  (724): Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant http://tfl.nu/8r36
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.

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  (252): just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far. http://tfl.nu/f1u5
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?

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  (407): Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants? http://tfl.nu/pjw5
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.

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  (910): NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state. http://tfl.nu/dlad
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.

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  (918): I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out. http://tfl.nu/s7ox
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?

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  (678): He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa? http://tfl.nu/j68l
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"

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  (870): Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty" http://tfl.nu/dezg
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  (516): View more from New York

  theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...

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  (516): theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again... http://tfl.nu/q6mz
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job

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  (703): He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job http://tfl.nu/934s
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"

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  (201): I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad" http://tfl.nu/8w1c
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war

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  (603): i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war http://tfl.nu/r6ab
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick

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  (807): I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick http://tfl.nu/2mmx
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  (415): View more from California

  was it good sex?

  (510): View more from California

  i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was

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  (415): was it good sex? (510): i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was http://tfl.nu/o836
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.

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  (980): You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls. http://tfl.nu/1jxr
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.

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  (780): He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again. http://tfl.nu/j7t8
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good

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  (217): just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good http://tfl.nu/mlgi
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.

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  (717): He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home. http://tfl.nu/aglq
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

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  (401): No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point. http://tfl.nu/wyuo
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.

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  (978): I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver. http://tfl.nu/zig6
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.

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  (248): either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her. http://tfl.nu/6guc
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them

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  (708): I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them http://tfl.nu/hbhk
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
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  (281): View more from Texas

  My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone

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  (281): My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone http://tfl.nu/zfoz
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  (432): View more from Texas

  He looks like he has a penis

  (210): View more from Texas

  What the fuck

  (432): View more from Texas

  A good one, a good penis

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  (432): He looks like he has a penis (210): What the fuck (432): A good one, a good penis http://tfl.nu/0vhk
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  (941): View more from Florida

  there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.

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  (941): there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship. http://tfl.nu/bd1c
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.

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  (902): This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being. http://tfl.nu/gtcm
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will

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  (321): okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will http://tfl.nu/hfgh
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"

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  (908): you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind" http://tfl.nu/r0zl
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

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  (250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday". http://tfl.nu/bzic
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day

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  (703): Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day http://tfl.nu/hrk3
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!

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  (816): Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?! http://tfl.nu/dodw
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.

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  (847): Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed. http://tfl.nu/o4oh
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?

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  (662): Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened? http://tfl.nu/nd5l
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.

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  (512): I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship. http://tfl.nu/fnhf
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.

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  (250): If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour. http://tfl.nu/xxvi
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer

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  (712): Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer http://tfl.nu/7yso
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery

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  (603): its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery http://tfl.nu/k62j
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd

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  (815): The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd http://tfl.nu/v8gr
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."

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  (740): well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful." http://tfl.nu/nfe2
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

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  (613): I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked. http://tfl.nu/z7yx
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups

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  (651): i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups http://tfl.nu/8ph5
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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  (418): I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out http://tfl.nu/dee8
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  (718): View more from New York

  He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.

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  (718): He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter. http://tfl.nu/o453
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated

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  (603): I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated http://tfl.nu/wizt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.

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  (757): I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper. http://tfl.nu/o740
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship

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  (404): you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship http://tfl.nu/msif
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"

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  (970): But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed" http://tfl.nu/2s0k
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  (718): View more from New York

  He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.

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  (718): He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise. http://tfl.nu/c0nn
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.

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  (901): I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko. http://tfl.nu/cca0
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall

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  (719): we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall http://tfl.nu/c3tv
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  (408): View more from California

  He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.

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  (408): He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it. http://tfl.nu/0bv4
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.

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  (205): i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail. http://tfl.nu/mxx0
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking

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  (740): you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking http://tfl.nu/ha4q
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on

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  (570): i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on http://tfl.nu/lrwn
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.

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  (404): Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore. http://tfl.nu/eu8g
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods

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  (706): They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods http://tfl.nu/a68f
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.

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  (317): update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good. http://tfl.nu/p2ef
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.

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  (307): He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him. http://tfl.nu/54ly
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked

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  (412): We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked http://tfl.nu/s4j7
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

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  (226): This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon http://tfl.nu/4pbx
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now

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  (801): Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now http://tfl.nu/m9st
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.

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  (918): I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/1tot
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  (530): View more from California

  There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.

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  (530): There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool. http://tfl.nu/gbzx
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.

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  (520): She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist. http://tfl.nu/mma2
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?

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  (401): I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper? http://tfl.nu/78fg
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.

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  (248): I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together. http://tfl.nu/x99f
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.

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  (434): I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever. http://tfl.nu/fuow
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"

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  (412): I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this" http://tfl.nu/4n5n
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  (909): View more from California

  He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.

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  (909): He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me. http://tfl.nu/a0xa
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  (516): View more from New York

  He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.

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  (516): He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes. http://tfl.nu/agxg
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

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  (678): You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs" http://tfl.nu/8pn3
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

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  (704): he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time.. http://tfl.nu/irbs
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love

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  (202): he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love http://tfl.nu/m0fg
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

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  (865): She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit". http://tfl.nu/1ezf
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  (435): View more from Utah

  this will be a night to untag.

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  (435): this will be a night to untag. http://tfl.nu/f6xw
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier

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  (612): you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier http://tfl.nu/qh8d
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs

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  (618): You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs http://tfl.nu/0h2n
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down

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  (973): not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down http://tfl.nu/e11q
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account

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  (251): you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account http://tfl.nu/ufbc
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  (631): View more from New York

  the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care

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  (631): the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care http://tfl.nu/lqt5
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas

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  (830): Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas http://tfl.nu/3mgi
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though

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  (662): It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though http://tfl.nu/50vd
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.

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  (330): nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks. http://tfl.nu/s7xn
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.

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  (717): and on the fourth day, god made foam parties. http://tfl.nu/nmea
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.

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  (601): He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows. http://tfl.nu/pp93
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  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

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  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

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  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
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  (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

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  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
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  (352): View more from Florida

  She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"

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  (352): She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?" http://tfl.nu/uzh1
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are

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  (717): we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are http://tfl.nu/vwno
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  (281): View more from Texas

  The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.

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  (281): The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/4mrf
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks

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  (804): ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks http://tfl.nu/unmu
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  (917): View more from New York City

  The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.

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  (917): The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name. http://tfl.nu/eftw
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30

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  (615): It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30 http://tfl.nu/ukox
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him

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  (785): Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him http://tfl.nu/x0sm
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx

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  (410): I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx http://tfl.nu/s1q1
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Absence makes the cock grow harder.

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  (816): Absence makes the cock grow harder. http://tfl.nu/yyl1
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement

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  (443): i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement http://tfl.nu/03ue
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  (904): View more from Florida

  He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.

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  (904): He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college. http://tfl.nu/3hcf
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  (207): View more from Maine

  her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did

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  (207): her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did http://tfl.nu/hfoj
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..

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  (630): Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.. http://tfl.nu/pq67
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

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  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
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  (352): View more from Florida

  we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.

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  (352): we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark. http://tfl.nu/009s
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  sometimes you have to go after what you want

  (313): View more from Michigan

  true. and i really want to cum

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  (616): sometimes you have to go after what you want (313): true. and i really want to cum http://tfl.nu/14gc
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'

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  (+44): He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.' http://tfl.nu/uc3v
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob

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  (330): My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob http://tfl.nu/j762
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks

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  (918): they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks http://tfl.nu/5j5t
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.

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  (414): He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk. http://tfl.nu/wrdx
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  (716): View more from New York

  she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"

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  (716): she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you" http://tfl.nu/sv8k
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  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

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  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"

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  (508): You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper" http://tfl.nu/17it
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.

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  (405): he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love. http://tfl.nu/r7jm
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  (949): View more from California

  im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever

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  (949): im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever http://tfl.nu/2bk7
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?

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  (206): I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians (503): How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often? http://tfl.nu/gll8
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow

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  (404): I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow http://tfl.nu/bfg7
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.

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  (908): Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger. http://tfl.nu/ni0e
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  (817): View more from Texas

  he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.

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  (817): he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down. http://tfl.nu/bkhk
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

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  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me

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  (215): I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me http://tfl.nu/08l6
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"

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  (570): How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks" http://tfl.nu/r0yt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...

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  (905): oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"... http://tfl.nu/xa6k
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head

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  (908): I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head http://tfl.nu/52vv
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you slept with him again didn't you

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

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  (480): I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'. (602): you slept with him again didn't you (480): you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well http://tfl.nu/dyfs
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

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  (613): Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors. http://tfl.nu/tkq1
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  (214): View more from Texas

  you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.

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  (214): you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night. http://tfl.nu/kc82
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome

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  (402): I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome http://tfl.nu/kwzn
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

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  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?

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  (267): how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch? http://tfl.nu/7fe5
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking

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  (321): Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking http://tfl.nu/fefy
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.

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  (325): I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well. http://tfl.nu/zrfa
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  (772): View more from Florida

  remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.

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  (772): remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night. http://tfl.nu/s4kw
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"

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  (862): he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!" http://tfl.nu/rt63
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

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  (678): He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again. http://tfl.nu/ehlu
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

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  (970): ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and" http://tfl.nu/hqw1
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look

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  (206): He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look http://tfl.nu/dski
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

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  (770): Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave. http://tfl.nu/avq0
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  can I come stay the night

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, but no sex tonight

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'll stay home

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  (810): can I come stay the night (217): yeah, but no sex tonight (810): I'll stay home http://tfl.nu/tu8g
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.

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  (440): i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad. http://tfl.nu/60es
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.

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  (865): I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this. http://tfl.nu/mix4
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today

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  (301): Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today http://tfl.nu/gkj4
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number

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  (248): Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number http://tfl.nu/nl2y
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!

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  (919): She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me! http://tfl.nu/g61u
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  my sombrero is too big for the bathroom

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  (908): my sombrero is too big for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/okhq
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

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  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

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  (847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad? (952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him.... http://tfl.nu/ht91
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it

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  (423): gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it http://tfl.nu/v9kx
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".

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  (616): he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail". http://tfl.nu/2qss
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.

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  (231): You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me. http://tfl.nu/n997
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?

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  (704): We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You? http://tfl.nu/j4cx
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This house was built for laser tag.

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  (336): This house was built for laser tag. http://tfl.nu/32ag
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

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  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab

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  (304): I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab http://tfl.nu/wqq0
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen

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  (203): he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible... (1-203): your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen http://tfl.nu/mgfl
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

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  (647): it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me http://tfl.nu/r4c5
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

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  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

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  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.

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  (804): Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush. http://tfl.nu/5pf3
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

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  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.

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  (989): I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight. http://tfl.nu/b4pp
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  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

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  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I can't believe he would be such an ass

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

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  (561): I can't believe he would be such an ass (1-561): Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything. http://tfl.nu/zk45
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

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  (610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.

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  (812): We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed. http://tfl.nu/r8jj
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.

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  (609): girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her. http://tfl.nu/7glm
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party

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  (225): If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party http://tfl.nu/fuoa
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

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  (540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.

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  (678): Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember. http://tfl.nu/s3lo
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."

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  (401): We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this." http://tfl.nu/1p18
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

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  (641): Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that. http://tfl.nu/2jzp
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  dont start drinking without me

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  (215): is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor? (609): dont start drinking without me http://tfl.nu/ofdx
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.

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  (412): I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra. http://tfl.nu/7xhn
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

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  (832): So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket. http://tfl.nu/78sj
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.

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  (802): you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv. http://tfl.nu/a1rt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals

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  (843): they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals http://tfl.nu/7ny2
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

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  (902): Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left. http://tfl.nu/ytq9
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i mean you met him at the daytona 500

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  (678): found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife (404): i mean you met him at the daytona 500 http://tfl.nu/ydp4
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them

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  (609): there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them http://tfl.nu/lo0z
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  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

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  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.

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  (604): I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey. http://tfl.nu/1r0k
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  (650): View more from California

  last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'

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  (650): last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.' http://tfl.nu/3iza
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  (386): View more from Florida

  he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"

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  (386): he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor" http://tfl.nu/h9m9
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  what the hell does that mean?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

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  (208): dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here (1-208): what the hell does that mean? (208): nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages http://tfl.nu/of9o
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.

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  (504): standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules. http://tfl.nu/xkjo
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on

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  (864): I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on http://tfl.nu/cdph
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on

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  (717): some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on http://tfl.nu/6iv3
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza

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  (314): 10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza http://tfl.nu/0z5o
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  (607): View more from New York

  you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY

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  (607): you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY http://tfl.nu/h6do
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.

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  (708): High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay. http://tfl.nu/m4rp
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.

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  (317): eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped. http://tfl.nu/504u
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone

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  (330): Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone http://tfl.nu/esjp
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon

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  (785): It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon http://tfl.nu/mcj5
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends

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  (416): don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends http://tfl.nu/kb6r
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.

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  (610): No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends. http://tfl.nu/ox60
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat

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  (865): i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat http://tfl.nu/yw7h
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.

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  (248): we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here. http://tfl.nu/good
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  (714): View more from California

  I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

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  (714): I need hand sanitizer and jesus. http://tfl.nu/r3xx
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.

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  (972): Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high. http://tfl.nu/x6pp
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.

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  (828): just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot. http://tfl.nu/vfy9
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.

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  (847): I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore. http://tfl.nu/qnk6
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?

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  (417): Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted? http://tfl.nu/v1i6
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  (512): View more from Texas

  And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes

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  (512): And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes http://tfl.nu/4ipy
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  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

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  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog

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  (561): I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog http://tfl.nu/8q9l
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  (949): View more from California

  I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.

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  (949): I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation. http://tfl.nu/8430
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  (516): View more from New York

  Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you

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  (516): Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you http://tfl.nu/9qq5
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

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  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
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  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana

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  (780): He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana http://tfl.nu/rg2f
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you

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  (310): I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you http://tfl.nu/5bao
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