If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My ATM looks so different sober.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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