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  • Submitted by enormoustard on May 9, 11 at 2:28pm

    Actually that was his brother James... common misconception. Jesus said, "It's better to receive a bj from Mary Magdalen, then to hang out in the sausage-fest presence of the 12 douche-bags that keep pestering me to do magic." And then he took his name in vain.

  • Submitted by TubeSounding on May 9, 11 at 2:20pm

    Jesus Lopez, right? I hang out with that guy all the time. He's wise beyond his years...

  • 92 57
    Submitted by mr_sphincter on May 9, 11 at 9:03pm

    He also said he'd cum again...or was it come again?

  • 91 60
    Submitted by firsttimer on May 9, 11 at 2:29pm

    Jesus would never say that, don't forget he was a dude too

  • 76 57
    Submitted by DubbedMyx on May 9, 11 at 9:33pm

    Part of the lost scriptures. "and Jesus said unto them, 'go forth and knowest thy brothers before thy whores.'"

  • 71 69
    Submitted by mccheesy on May 9, 11 at 2:19pm

    what if you're best friend's a douche bag?

    • 70 61
      Submitted by mccheesy on May 9, 11 at 2:21pm

      your*

      • 35 54
        Submitted by EMTPirate on May 9, 11 at 3:32pm

        I had no idea people had such terrible grammar until I started lurking here

        • 49 49
          Submitted by NPH9384 on May 9, 11 at 9:45pm

          And yet, you have failed to use any punctuation. This proves your point, I suppose.

        • 48 66
          Submitted by BarryDingle on May 10, 11 at 5:44pm

          Amen, emt!

  • 58 44
    Submitted by luvengolf on May 9, 11 at 8:16pm

    Amen.

  • 58 46
    Submitted by BigJ2002 on May 11, 11 at 9:25am

    Call me crazy, but I don't think Jesus would've said that!

  • 63 59
    Submitted by Phys on May 9, 11 at 4:14pm

    Although he also said it’s better to give than to receive and we all know that’s a lie

  • 69 76
    Submitted by sunkintovelvet on May 9, 11 at 10:09pm

    ah us 706'ers and our bible belt

  • 58 55
    Submitted by zosergirl on May 10, 11 at 1:29pm

    That just made my day well play

  • 34 21
    Submitted by jaylayson on Nov 30, 12 at 5:35pm

    I don't remember this.

  • 52 59
    Submitted by Downtownsbrown on May 12, 11 at 10:58pm

    Jesus no existe.

  • 55 68
    Submitted by Joey_V on May 9, 11 at 7:32pm

    What?? No he didn't. Jesus was perfect - he would never lie

  • 57 84
    Submitted by patton18 on May 10, 11 at 7:55pm

    Oh, cool. Jesus died for our sins, but I'm glad his name can be used in vain to discuss blowjobs and douche bags.

  • 41 54
    Submitted by distinkt on May 11, 11 at 2:48am

    a-owsome! ya dag tell it to ur sister!

  • 40 57
    Submitted by bestwellsooner on May 9, 11 at 10:55pm

    Bahahahahaaaaaaa

  • 40 75
    Submitted by CyrusVyrus on May 9, 11 at 2:17pm

    Is that in Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John?! :)