BurningMelon's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  yeah you don't forget that shit easily

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"? (1-651): yeah you don't forget that shit easily (651): We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email. http://tfl.nu/xfpa
  Replies (11) Good night (4571) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals http://tfl.nu/rxm6
  Replies (15) Good night (3943) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later. http://tfl.nu/9zcr
  Replies (33) Good night (10968) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  it is a toga and you are a goddess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted (1-615): it is a toga and you are a goddess. http://tfl.nu/2t04
  Replies (15) Good night (4692) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Where were you when I was single???

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Still in diapers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Where were you when I was single??? (1-617): Still in diapers. http://tfl.nu/ngk8
  Replies (15) Good night (1412) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13587) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life. http://tfl.nu/h3s9
  Replies (33) Good night (4771) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  where do you find these guys?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight' (860): where do you find these guys? http://tfl.nu/yte1
  Replies (14) Good night (2675) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge. http://tfl.nu/pldc
  Replies (7) Good night (2657) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference. http://tfl.nu/9fcx
  Replies (7) Good night (2193) Bad night (1090)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month. http://tfl.nu/3065
  Replies (9) Good night (1981) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job. http://tfl.nu/yk8c
  Replies (7) Good night (3268) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch http://tfl.nu/21eo
  Replies (8) Good night (2173) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg." http://tfl.nu/4tux
  Replies (2) Good night (2866) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard

  (1-510): View more from California

  Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard (1-510): Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening. http://tfl.nu/lvw9
  Replies (5) Good night (2289) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes. (1-541): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/axhz
  Replies (6) Good night (2098) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone (1-540): I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her http://tfl.nu/pf86
  Replies (27) Good night (3687) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate http://tfl.nu/9xzc
  Replies (6) Good night (1466) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs. http://tfl.nu/bvji
  Replies (18) Good night (1767) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco. http://tfl.nu/49kl
  Replies (7) Good night (4104) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes http://tfl.nu/ayyp
  Replies (29) Good night (3978) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph" http://tfl.nu/ju46
  Replies (31) Good night (2589) Bad night (1679)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend. http://tfl.nu/kcdy
  Replies (12) Good night (2344) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves. http://tfl.nu/fl2d
  Replies (11) Good night (2877) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid http://tfl.nu/oqc1
  Replies (9) Good night (3397) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself. http://tfl.nu/70br
  Replies (13) Good night (3130) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/16j0
  Replies (14) Good night (3244) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me http://tfl.nu/adub
  Replies (6) Good night (3961) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight. http://tfl.nu/ami0
  Replies (22) Good night (3891) Bad night (1576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table' http://tfl.nu/avs4
  Replies (4) Good night (3570) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas" http://tfl.nu/kk50
  Replies (13) Good night (4010) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full! (715): I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering. http://tfl.nu/shs1
  Replies (5) Good night (2133) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself. http://tfl.nu/i5og
  Replies (15) Good night (670) Bad night (3811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink http://tfl.nu/w6xd
  Replies (5) Good night (1716) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  the wall and i were having dominance issues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): the wall and i were having dominance issues. http://tfl.nu/itlm
  Replies (7) Good night (2244) Bad night (1567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Gonna go for any of them?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go. (269): Gonna go for any of them? (248): Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us. http://tfl.nu/3pp6
  Replies (33) Good night (4555) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner. http://tfl.nu/auiz
  Replies (5) Good night (4664) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I had to brake up with him.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  In my experience drinking helps.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You dont want to know why?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Not really. I want to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I had to brake up with him. (602): In my experience drinking helps. (480): You dont want to know why? (602): Not really. I want to drink. http://tfl.nu/mwqo
  Replies (27) Good night (4472) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride http://tfl.nu/vufa
  Replies (23) Good night (4975) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  French fry pizza

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Are you brilliant or just really high?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can't it be both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): French fry pizza (502): Are you brilliant or just really high? (330): Can't it be both? http://tfl.nu/8jk8
  Replies (8) Good night (3222) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man. http://tfl.nu/v6o1
  Replies (9) Good night (2860) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex. http://tfl.nu/hnii
  Replies (4) Good night (3392) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit. http://tfl.nu/4hrv
  Replies (23) Good night (4227) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today? http://tfl.nu/iuhq
  Replies (9) Good night (4320) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks. http://tfl.nu/2lc5
  Replies (11) Good night (6394) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed. http://tfl.nu/zk8r
  Replies (29) Good night (5704) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (523): View more from

  Hey did where's my bong?

  (1-523): View more from

  In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right

  (523): View more from

  Should I bother to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (523): Hey did where's my bong? (1-523): In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right (523): Should I bother to ask? http://tfl.nu/hj27
  Replies (8) Good night (2894) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka. (443): do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob? http://tfl.nu/qeeu
  Replies (18) Good night (4707) Bad night (888)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did mom hear me barking???

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  sooo high. sooo many dog friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): did mom hear me barking??? (267): oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one (215): sooo high. sooo many dog friends http://tfl.nu/gyg5
  Replies (6) Good night (3471) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  did you find a tooth?

  (254): View more from Texas

  did you lose one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): did you find a tooth? (254): did you lose one? http://tfl.nu/1ieh
  Replies (16) Good night (3418) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class

  (1-914): View more from New York

  that is WHY your in summer classes

  (914): View more from New York

  worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class (1-914): that is WHY your in summer classes (914): worth it http://tfl.nu/1hzd
  Replies (10) Good night (3772) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks

  (626): View more from California

  well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks (626): well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person http://tfl.nu/xqyj
  Replies (13) Good night (6578) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo. http://tfl.nu/dqo9
  Replies (20) Good night (3326) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar. http://tfl.nu/zuya
  Replies (29) Good night (8253) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): 12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong. (856): Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits http://tfl.nu/ncaq
  Replies (19) Good night (5009) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things. http://tfl.nu/zj1a
  Replies (6) Good night (2780) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside http://tfl.nu/la7o
  Replies (21) Good night (3041) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA http://tfl.nu/ppt3
  Replies (23) Good night (2951) Bad night (1268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee. http://tfl.nu/oz8w
  Replies (20) Good night (4215) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete http://tfl.nu/n4gc
  Replies (36) Good night (6045) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra http://tfl.nu/fzzx
  Replies (5) Good night (3652) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6
  Replies (47) Good night (4924) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I chose taco bell over sex...

  (503): View more from Oregon

  good choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I chose taco bell over sex... (503): good choice. http://tfl.nu/85cg
  Replies (16) Good night (2140) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (14) Good night (11441) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this. http://tfl.nu/zxgb
  Replies (5) Good night (3084) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere... http://tfl.nu/u20i
  Replies (6) Good night (2099) Bad night (1602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/pzgc
  Replies (13) Good night (3744) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry. http://tfl.nu/ycuw
  Replies (26) Good night (1511) Bad night (4363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/nzx6
  Replies (15) Good night (4846) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man http://tfl.nu/ay55
  Replies (10) Good night (2540) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer" http://tfl.nu/avyg
  Replies (15) Good night (2745) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants. http://tfl.nu/m7ij
  Replies (10) Good night (2329) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo http://tfl.nu/rg6x
  Replies (36) Good night (5917) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again http://tfl.nu/p1ce
  Replies (14) Good night (6849) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some. http://tfl.nu/08yo
  Replies (14) Good night (6921) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time http://tfl.nu/gadq
  Replies (21) Good night (6565) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again. http://tfl.nu/1y07
  Replies (24) Good night (7095) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices. http://tfl.nu/vgow
  Replies (31) Good night (7248) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me http://tfl.nu/81ac
  Replies (12) Good night (4478) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/9k0s
  Replies (9) Good night (3633) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting." http://tfl.nu/6v74
  Replies (6) Good night (4443) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps? http://tfl.nu/jolf
  Replies (13) Good night (4114) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I think I have vodka in my lungs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I think I have vodka in my lungs http://tfl.nu/shpx
  Replies (4) Good night (1818) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond http://tfl.nu/umuj
  Replies (19) Good night (2347) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship http://tfl.nu/xkl4
  Replies (5) Good night (2526) Bad night (1274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries http://tfl.nu/sog5
  Replies (15) Good night (1980) Bad night (3795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4605) Bad night (2609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns. http://tfl.nu/g37i
  Replies (28) Good night (4631) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to. http://tfl.nu/n2ms
  Replies (12) Good night (570) Bad night (3585)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila. http://tfl.nu/tq95
  Replies (8) Good night (2441) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  they just started filling water ballons with vodka.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  on my way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): they just started filling water ballons with vodka. (1-702): on my way. http://tfl.nu/jo3z
  Replies (13) Good night (3863) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me. http://tfl.nu/s06p
  Replies (16) Good night (3545) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
  Replies (40) Good night (7727) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Someone shattered a urinal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Someone shattered a urinal. http://tfl.nu/a493
  Replies (8) Good night (1594) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Wow that was a lesbian tornado.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Wow that was a lesbian tornado. http://tfl.nu/1am2
  Replies (14) Good night (3430) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  anything for my little brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet. (440): anything for my little brother. http://tfl.nu/0dq6
  Replies (6) Good night (4904) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage http://tfl.nu/2e5o
  Replies (7) Good night (1652) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right. http://tfl.nu/8sag
  Replies (12) Good night (3916) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me. http://tfl.nu/7p9m
  Replies (3) Good night (4283) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/0yym
  Replies (7) Good night (3227) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp

  (1-650): View more from California

  i loe djcudia fjxos rue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp (1-650): i loe djcudia fjxos rue. http://tfl.nu/pfpy
  Replies (15) Good night (2603) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  haha i know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt. (1-406): haha i know http://tfl.nu/vo1w
  Replies (21) Good night (7491) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight. http://tfl.nu/6biy
  Replies (47) Good night (4855) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad. http://tfl.nu/80p7
  Replies (27) Good night (6339) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina.. (1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there. http://tfl.nu/fkqx
  Replies (33) Good night (19494) Bad night (2015)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142171) Bad night (9315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you hooked up with him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit? (617) Remember that time you hooked up with him? http://tfl.nu/yz0c
  Replies (7) Good night (562) Bad night (1274)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Whoa Z and x make the same sound

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Whoa Z and x make the same sound http://tfl.nu/syb7
  Replies (30) Good night (3365) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk69
  Replies (29) Good night (6701) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS http://tfl.nu/9yrh
  Replies (17) Good night (1059) Bad night (4442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed. http://tfl.nu/6al2
  Replies (17) Good night (3913) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though. http://tfl.nu/25nt
  Replies (10) Good night (3445) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ? http://tfl.nu/dlrl
  Replies (12) Good night (1121) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11. http://tfl.nu/3slh
  Replies (15) Good night (3041) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me http://tfl.nu/nasi
  Replies (23) Good night (6001) Bad night (1544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race http://tfl.nu/3da3
  Replies (8) Good night (4078) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am. http://tfl.nu/g88o
  Replies (1) Good night (1099) Bad night (2153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I will fight anything that is not spinning right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I will fight anything that is not spinning right now http://tfl.nu/z2tv
  Replies (9) Good night (2529) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  i think i left a case of beer in your dryer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): i think i left a case of beer in your dryer http://tfl.nu/dfij
  Replies (10) Good night (3169) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke http://tfl.nu/i48a
  Replies (11) Good night (2116) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement. http://tfl.nu/wyat
  Replies (11) Good night (4164) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I need you to use more vowels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar (219): I need you to use more vowels. http://tfl.nu/cjfw
  Replies (15) Good night (8037) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up http://tfl.nu/11fq
  Replies (3) Good night (2210) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this. http://tfl.nu/pfxy
  Replies (6) Good night (4278) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge. http://tfl.nu/8lhz
  Replies (19) Good night (4325) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder http://tfl.nu/ecaz
  Replies (4) Good night (2325) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it. http://tfl.nu/w24u
  Replies (18) Good night (1426) Bad night (6579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out. http://tfl.nu/9ic8
  Replies (8) Good night (4578) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next http://tfl.nu/7632
  Replies (9) Good night (890) Bad night (3635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates http://tfl.nu/oxez
  Replies (12) Good night (7060) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success. http://tfl.nu/9gb8
  Replies (9) Good night (3723) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool... http://tfl.nu/os9w
  Replies (14) Good night (4932) Bad night (1448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire. http://tfl.nu/efjw
  Replies (13) Good night (2119) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos. http://tfl.nu/pe3o
  Replies (9) Good night (3350) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person. http://tfl.nu/v0my
  Replies (12) Good night (4006) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon. http://tfl.nu/pf1i
  Replies (6) Good night (2769) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend http://tfl.nu/9h3j
  Replies (5) Good night (3287) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though. http://tfl.nu/5tqm
  Replies (10) Good night (5052) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned http://tfl.nu/f6cf
  Replies (14) Good night (2691) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (30) Good night (11889) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16744) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  coke and sex party at dan's

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  im watching greys anatomy with megan...

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  wha-pishhh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): coke and sex party at dan's (201): im watching greys anatomy with megan... (973): wha-pishhh http://tfl.nu/auvy
  Replies (50) Good night (1037) Bad night (4303)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj. http://tfl.nu/3mtz
  Replies (13) Good night (4765) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/im6u
  Replies (43) Good night (4517) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse. http://tfl.nu/4gmt
  Replies (35) Good night (9953) Bad night (3034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer http://tfl.nu/cllh
  Replies (118) Good night (23014) Bad night (2278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  You should get sea herpes

  (831): View more from California

  I mean sea horses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): You should get sea herpes (831): I mean sea horses http://tfl.nu/2vm6
  Replies (21) Good night (3642) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i should start naming my morning wood

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  great idea but wrong number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): i should start naming my morning wood (201): great idea but wrong number http://tfl.nu/1p5a
  Replies (24) Good night (8096) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (111) Good night (2234) Bad night (35658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)

  (650): View more from California

  nah, i'm gonna grab some food

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;) (650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food http://tfl.nu/jz1a
  Replies (120) Good night (4307) Bad night (35619)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (175) Good night (6373) Bad night (79734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm. http://tfl.nu/2iai
  Replies (9) Good night (1074) Bad night (3740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious. http://tfl.nu/uku0
  Replies (16) Good night (1512) Bad night (3194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): 1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey http://tfl.nu/ks1h
  Replies (3) Good night (3782) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door. http://tfl.nu/5l3p
  Replies (5) Good night (2759) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list http://tfl.nu/bjw0
  Replies (18) Good night (4937) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears http://tfl.nu/xih7
  Replies (19) Good night (4881) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?

  (206): View more from Washington

  only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it? (206): only if you didn't want to fuck up your life. http://tfl.nu/bqd4
  Replies (72) Good night (800) Bad night (8758)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover http://tfl.nu/mxp0
  Replies (15) Good night (5034) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+45): View more from Denmark

  You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+45): You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right? http://tfl.nu/cwve
  Replies (9) Good night (3867) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste. http://tfl.nu/fckj
  Replies (32) Good night (5456) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo
  Replies (75) Good night (25638) Bad night (1425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33432) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33904) Bad night (3566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37115) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36471) Bad night (4994)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38540) Bad night (1468)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la
  Replies (69) Good night (38069) Bad night (1816)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (38322) Bad night (1650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51582) Bad night (2265)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (44957) Bad night (3384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (51528) Bad night (1870)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51702) Bad night (2736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59137) Bad night (7125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (420): View more from

  then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (420): then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman" http://tfl.nu/f59t
  Replies (8) Good night (1834) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+03): View more from

  Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+03): Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here' http://tfl.nu/86hi
  Replies (14) Good night (6385) Bad night (1250)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice. http://tfl.nu/fg4t
  Replies (43) Good night (20480) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student http://tfl.nu/4vc9
  Replies (38) Good night (18516) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister. http://tfl.nu/4jvf
  Replies (15) Good night (4263) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned. http://tfl.nu/ynjo
  Replies (7) Good night (867) Bad night (3268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/y3gw
  Replies (11) Good night (8317) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot http://tfl.nu/xdnv
  Replies (27) Good night (6924) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win. http://tfl.nu/ky57
  Replies (18) Good night (3931) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/kl4h
  Replies (20) Good night (7382) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway http://tfl.nu/b3sf
  Replies (23) Good night (2205) Bad night (6908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n http://tfl.nu/8mzg
  Replies (10) Good night (772) Bad night (4613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere. http://tfl.nu/r42x
  Replies (13) Good night (1245) Bad night (4346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9899) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight http://tfl.nu/tvrj
  Replies (30) Good night (6559) Bad night (1582)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted. http://tfl.nu/yox0
  Replies (27) Good night (7863) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor http://tfl.nu/nslr
  Replies (9) Good night (1765) Bad night (3078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples." http://tfl.nu/rub1
  Replies (8) Good night (4448) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj http://tfl.nu/kgi8
  Replies (22) Good night (5434) Bad night (1665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (12708) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

  (816): View more from Missouri

  no its not leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2
  Replies (92) Good night (2034) Bad night (7845)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever. http://tfl.nu/i189
  Replies (61) Good night (1615) Bad night (10908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/7vfy
  Replies (10) Good night (9500) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you http://tfl.nu/x2i9
  Replies (30) Good night (5772) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice http://tfl.nu/pivk
  Replies (8) Good night (3517) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You coming home soon, man?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  HENBARSCLOSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): You coming home soon, man? (1-902): HENBARSCLOSE http://tfl.nu/z787
  Replies (7) Good night (3915) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife. http://tfl.nu/i9np
  Replies (13) Good night (3779) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny http://tfl.nu/ty4j
  Replies (6) Good night (5133) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (21) Good night (14412) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister http://tfl.nu/d8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (3752) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down http://tfl.nu/easv
  Replies (12) Good night (4190) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was. http://tfl.nu/uwpx
  Replies (24) Good night (967) Bad night (5552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate http://tfl.nu/n9pe
  Replies (8) Good night (3755) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill. http://tfl.nu/mtxw
  Replies (6) Good night (3224) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry. http://tfl.nu/klio
  Replies (9) Good night (3842) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She bit a glass in half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): She bit a glass in half. http://tfl.nu/3ugo
  Replies (11) Good night (1227) Bad night (3296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot. http://tfl.nu/hre1
  Replies (14) Good night (3562) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room http://tfl.nu/exa4
  Replies (15) Good night (3817) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance http://tfl.nu/l7ly
  Replies (7) Good night (1020) Bad night (3193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me. (1-402): Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it? (402): Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point. http://tfl.nu/yxzg
  Replies (62) Good night (975) Bad night (2847)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (59) Good night (14861) Bad night (1931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT. http://tfl.nu/jn8b
  Replies (17) Good night (1143) Bad night (4061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard http://tfl.nu/sbl9
  Replies (10) Good night (1026) Bad night (3107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning. http://tfl.nu/qol4
  Replies (5) Good night (3288) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize. http://tfl.nu/htot
  Replies (7) Good night (5156) Bad night (1130)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon. http://tfl.nu/88sk
  Replies (12) Good night (1476) Bad night (3545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too http://tfl.nu/ui5h
  Replies (6) Good night (3188) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night? http://tfl.nu/abjo
  Replies (6) Good night (3333) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service http://tfl.nu/s56z
  Replies (17) Good night (5857) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should. http://tfl.nu/b27t
  Replies (45) Good night (8831) Bad night (2457)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club http://tfl.nu/6yea
  Replies (8) Good night (5143) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night. http://tfl.nu/fjny
  Replies (10) Good night (987) Bad night (2757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later? http://tfl.nu/a1oo
  Replies (18) Good night (6087) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls. http://tfl.nu/v76g
  Replies (9) Good night (4834) Bad night (1519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home

  (254): View more from Texas

  Challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home (254): Challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/oaxm
  Replies (8) Good night (6060) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight. http://tfl.nu/f50l
  Replies (5) Good night (4142) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN http://tfl.nu/nyld
  Replies (15) Good night (6954) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Hippo gnu deer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Hippo gnu deer http://tfl.nu/wuid
  Replies (17) Good night (5447) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom." http://tfl.nu/5uyu
  Replies (20) Good night (4689) Bad night (1668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes http://tfl.nu/y66v
  Replies (27) Good night (4683) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick? http://tfl.nu/a1dv
  Replies (22) Good night (3085) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (14) Good night (9370) Bad night (2184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good. http://tfl.nu/6afw
  Replies (30) Good night (8048) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs. http://tfl.nu/5epb
  Replies (10) Good night (3827) Bad night (1557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out. http://tfl.nu/gjqc
  Replies (5) Good night (8130) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My vagina agrees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again. (614): My vagina agrees. http://tfl.nu/ii41
  Replies (20) Good night (6093) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again. http://tfl.nu/xtmx
  Replies (9) Good night (4810) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/e3sn
  Replies (18) Good night (7243) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night http://tfl.nu/9n0e
  Replies (8) Good night (5189) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hoooooo maaaaan

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Yes?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm retarded. Again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Hoooooo maaaaan (313): Yes? (248): I'm retarded. Again. http://tfl.nu/k0ba
  Replies (2) Good night (1282) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS. http://tfl.nu/97yj
  Replies (85) Good night (8775) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Together?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Preferably.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch. (541): Together? (847): Preferably. http://tfl.nu/lik5
  Replies (21) Good night (3209) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  His little brother walked in on us. Six times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): His little brother walked in on us. Six times. http://tfl.nu/ruyk
  Replies (29) Good night (1294) Bad night (8891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you. http://tfl.nu/jbfy
  Replies (28) Good night (8860) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Can i come over

  (240): View more from Maryland

  After you called me a desperate slut? No

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Can i come over (240): After you called me a desperate slut? No (240): Come over http://tfl.nu/g0q3
  Replies (10) Good night (4345) Bad night (1319)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you http://tfl.nu/07bs
  Replies (21) Good night (6497) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why. http://tfl.nu/20py
  Replies (8) Good night (5488) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know http://tfl.nu/empv
  Replies (10) Good night (3591) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her. http://tfl.nu/r8ko
  Replies (26) Good night (7076) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  it's like russian roulette but with a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): it's like russian roulette but with a penis http://tfl.nu/nnes
  Replies (12) Good night (2444) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone. http://tfl.nu/t9of
  Replies (8) Good night (4190) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero http://tfl.nu/dyje
  Replies (8) Good night (5281) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries. http://tfl.nu/kdps
  Replies (16) Good night (5068) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period. http://tfl.nu/nfk9
  Replies (10) Good night (2943) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this.. http://tfl.nu/2izx
  Replies (8) Good night (2795) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week. http://tfl.nu/8le3
  Replies (14) Good night (6918) Bad night (1372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink http://tfl.nu/i8us
  Replies (9) Good night (6173) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA. http://tfl.nu/z3qk
  Replies (7) Good night (5366) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned. http://tfl.nu/3qtb
  Replies (6) Good night (5502) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment. http://tfl.nu/mdg4
  Replies (9) Good night (8101) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now http://tfl.nu/nbd3
  Replies (2) Good night (3625) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work. http://tfl.nu/czmo
  Replies (7) Good night (3501) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot http://tfl.nu/y6a1
  Replies (12) Good night (3324) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work http://tfl.nu/ppy0
  Replies (16) Good night (1605) Bad night (3583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked. http://tfl.nu/a12i
  Replies (9) Good night (4710) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night http://tfl.nu/for8
  Replies (9) Good night (4704) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+79): View more from

  Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+79): Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight http://tfl.nu/p28c
  Replies (18) Good night (4671) Bad night (1274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf. http://tfl.nu/6o5h
  Replies (38) Good night (6129) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport? http://tfl.nu/fnf6
  Replies (63) Good night (7035) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself

  (707): View more from California

  dude you teach first grade wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself (707): dude you teach first grade wtf http://tfl.nu/gqyp
  Replies (57) Good night (7985) Bad night (1848)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here? http://tfl.nu/rbfc
  Replies (26) Good night (8856) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy
  Replies (28) Good night (10768) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar http://tfl.nu/9kou
  Replies (39) Good night (6282) Bad night (2723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  get to allyx's house asap

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Ok is everything ok

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Yeah, theres just lesbians

  (312): View more from Illinois

  omg yes on my way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): get to allyx's house asap (312): Ok is everything ok (224): Yeah, theres just lesbians (312): omg yes on my way http://tfl.nu/mxwb
  Replies (38) Good night (6765) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people http://tfl.nu/csbk
  Replies (6) Good night (6386) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating. http://tfl.nu/sjit
  Replies (35) Good night (13378) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (17275) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET http://tfl.nu/az0w
  Replies (76) Good night (8147) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me. http://tfl.nu/76by
  Replies (17) Good night (4156) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...

  (480): View more from Arizona

  exactly, that's why i want something interesting

  (512): View more from Texas

  slutty neuroscientist?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc... (480): exactly, that's why i want something interesting (512): slutty neuroscientist? http://tfl.nu/zg01
  Replies (35) Good night (5049) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I've blown a few things in my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I've blown a few things in my day http://tfl.nu/5p5t
  Replies (9) Good night (2746) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch http://tfl.nu/s2ci
  Replies (10) Good night (4441) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow. http://tfl.nu/o1qn
  Replies (11) Good night (4206) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible. http://tfl.nu/8o92
  Replies (17) Good night (4551) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down. http://tfl.nu/j1eb
  Replies (16) Good night (1130) Bad night (3213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen http://tfl.nu/5vux
  Replies (25) Good night (2300) Bad night (10900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it. http://tfl.nu/off0
  Replies (14) Good night (3405) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain". http://tfl.nu/ukpa
  Replies (26) Good night (14322) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I absolutely love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it. (1-360): I absolutely love you. http://tfl.nu/vd5p
  Replies (40) Good night (10463) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.

  (360): View more from Washington

  You're getting good at this, you know that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number. (360): You're getting good at this, you know that? http://tfl.nu/w185
  Replies (17) Good night (6683) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far http://tfl.nu/58dc
  Replies (11) Good night (5590) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do. http://tfl.nu/7c6c
  Replies (18) Good night (3403) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos? http://tfl.nu/mgyg
  Replies (27) Good night (3827) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex? http://tfl.nu/9pxt
  Replies (11) Good night (4983) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night. http://tfl.nu/t8p9
  Replies (6) Good night (2908) Bad night (1535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun. http://tfl.nu/h48x
  Replies (21) Good night (3763) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye http://tfl.nu/uiop
  Replies (8) Good night (882) Bad night (3837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive. http://tfl.nu/ejtq
  Replies (19) Good night (3970) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro http://tfl.nu/bhdm
  Replies (19) Good night (14855) Bad night (1664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids http://tfl.nu/b5v5
  Replies (25) Good night (9849) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now. http://tfl.nu/xddc
  Replies (17) Good night (11375) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12589) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork. http://tfl.nu/6zkt
  Replies (37) Good night (15415) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (6312) Bad night (11941)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life. http://tfl.nu/o34i
  Replies (39) Good night (1778) Bad night (12372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO! http://tfl.nu/43s5
  Replies (99) Good night (913) Bad night (22196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6803) Bad night (40801)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (260) Good night (3966) Bad night (78191)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56850) Bad night (4690)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65395) Bad night (3441)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73396) Bad night (2473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65457) Bad night (3904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93481) Bad night (4597)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (409) Good night (103656) Bad night (9402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168292) Bad night (42167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (383) Good night (128408) Bad night (4047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (55) Good night (15895) Bad night (1251)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now http://tfl.nu/j96j
  Replies (41) Good night (6267) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19648) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid http://tfl.nu/99tk
  Replies (3) Good night (4537) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful http://tfl.nu/jkok
  Replies (6) Good night (3889) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt