talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Loading more great texts...