i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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