1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
