i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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