It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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