Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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