centre21's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me. http://tfl.nu/tasz
  Replies (22) Good night (1276) Bad night (4080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina http://tfl.nu/0ynp
  Replies (23) Good night (7163) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever . http://tfl.nu/6kwm
  Replies (6) Good night (2761) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance http://tfl.nu/h8yt
  Replies (28) Good night (5914) Bad night (1556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of..... http://tfl.nu/svr5
  Replies (6) Good night (633) Bad night (2762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub. http://tfl.nu/cojk
  Replies (7) Good night (6014) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!" http://tfl.nu/l7rl
  Replies (19) Good night (4347) Bad night (1915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull. http://tfl.nu/uent
  Replies (16) Good night (3910) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Man, jail baloney is awful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Man, jail baloney is awful. http://tfl.nu/9ubn
  Replies (33) Good night (932) Bad night (3916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR. http://tfl.nu/pgie
  Replies (44) Good night (1065) Bad night (9726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again. http://tfl.nu/p8rx
  Replies (11) Good night (1110) Bad night (2487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka. http://tfl.nu/l16y
  Replies (12) Good night (4972) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing. http://tfl.nu/5987
  Replies (20) Good night (6577) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8939) Bad night (1118)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand. http://tfl.nu/ms96
  Replies (10) Good night (4335) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen http://tfl.nu/keq8
  Replies (18) Good night (1158) Bad night (8687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with http://tfl.nu/2rwe
  Replies (14) Good night (4661) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face. http://tfl.nu/e2jp
  Replies (16) Good night (4972) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning. http://tfl.nu/odgl
  Replies (58) Good night (16174) Bad night (3383)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it. http://tfl.nu/klgn
  Replies (8) Good night (6052) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside http://tfl.nu/d6yu
  Replies (13) Good night (9150) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet. http://tfl.nu/tf1g
  Replies (14) Good night (939) Bad night (3713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one....... http://tfl.nu/w37i
  Replies (67) Good night (2493) Bad night (8869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg... http://tfl.nu/nasy
  Replies (44) Good night (2440) Bad night (6324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot

  (313): View more from Michigan

  He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot (313): He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all http://tfl.nu/6st3
  Replies (23) Good night (7546) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i have one question about last night

  (646): View more from New York

  if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i have one question about last night (646): if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain http://tfl.nu/69sr
  Replies (4) Good night (4191) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (38) Good night (1853) Bad night (9756)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party? http://tfl.nu/4j0b
  Replies (7) Good night (4164) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask. http://tfl.nu/6wlk
  Replies (6) Good night (2724) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate http://tfl.nu/io2z
  Replies (20) Good night (1169) Bad night (3280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97
  Replies (25) Good night (5607) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this? http://tfl.nu/woh0
  Replies (9) Good night (5205) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise. http://tfl.nu/z4y1
  Replies (9) Good night (612) Bad night (3880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/dbiz
  Replies (8) Good night (4223) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/352a
  Replies (25) Good night (1078) Bad night (5014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7 http://tfl.nu/xypt
  Replies (13) Good night (6150) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders. http://tfl.nu/3tbi
  Replies (73) Good night (5988) Bad night (2751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice. http://tfl.nu/6cq1
  Replies (9) Good night (1438) Bad night (6648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved. http://tfl.nu/jbvc
  Replies (30) Good night (11930) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?" http://tfl.nu/t9pp
  Replies (7) Good night (4932) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does" http://tfl.nu/16y8
  Replies (16) Good night (1712) Bad night (6482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night http://tfl.nu/jc2t
  Replies (14) Good night (3971) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle http://tfl.nu/wl70
  Replies (9) Good night (3688) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL. http://tfl.nu/ostw
  Replies (16) Good night (6589) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you. http://tfl.nu/o9a4
  Replies (3) Good night (1231) Bad night (2921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry" http://tfl.nu/nwle
  Replies (11) Good night (6725) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around. (1-570): It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am. http://tfl.nu/ckp3
  Replies (8) Good night (4704) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa. http://tfl.nu/e1sr
  Replies (26) Good night (6609) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/uflu
  Replies (4) Good night (3056) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months. http://tfl.nu/isje
  Replies (9) Good night (3622) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7789) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up http://tfl.nu/zwwo
  Replies (14) Good night (972) Bad night (5595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/f3x3
  Replies (7) Good night (4163) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer. http://tfl.nu/u6do
  Replies (13) Good night (5943) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): how did he go about obtaining bull sperm? http://tfl.nu/if4u
  Replies (12) Good night (1013) Bad night (3288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife http://tfl.nu/6k5s
  Replies (15) Good night (944) Bad night (6862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking. http://tfl.nu/uhxv
  Replies (15) Good night (1494) Bad night (5038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed." http://tfl.nu/z9xx
  Replies (11) Good night (6855) Bad night (1351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7523) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet. http://tfl.nu/oxv5
  Replies (12) Good night (5725) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately. http://tfl.nu/vwdv
  Replies (9) Good night (5475) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night... http://tfl.nu/p0ds
  Replies (25) Good night (2317) Bad night (4362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow. http://tfl.nu/11lx
  Replies (12) Good night (3595) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat. http://tfl.nu/0ifj
  Replies (9) Good night (3472) Bad night (1593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school

  (1-914): View more from New York

  oh right the one that ends on your bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school (1-914): oh right the one that ends on your bed http://tfl.nu/wrnw
  Replies (8) Good night (6109) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room. http://tfl.nu/g35c
  Replies (14) Good night (4333) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it. http://tfl.nu/727e
  Replies (26) Good night (1243) Bad night (4598)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (67) Good night (12671) Bad night (2171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila." http://tfl.nu/how1
  Replies (25) Good night (5279) Bad night (2309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it. http://tfl.nu/2i57
  Replies (43) Good night (4059) Bad night (4364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed? http://tfl.nu/umcp
  Replies (13) Good night (3887) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access. http://tfl.nu/o23q
  Replies (26) Good night (3830) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast http://tfl.nu/b4kl
  Replies (39) Good night (6668) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went http://tfl.nu/wqc9
  Replies (35) Good night (875) Bad night (8311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/lss6
  Replies (26) Good night (5952) Bad night (3540)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book. http://tfl.nu/o0qf
  Replies (22) Good night (955) Bad night (3909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two. http://tfl.nu/ya0u
  Replies (31) Good night (6519) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things http://tfl.nu/ommx
  Replies (30) Good night (2027) Bad night (3666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok. http://tfl.nu/maiz
  Replies (20) Good night (4736) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad? http://tfl.nu/iz9x
  Replies (11) Good night (3733) Bad night (1487)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you. http://tfl.nu/15wm
  Replies (19) Good night (6254) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented. http://tfl.nu/9hus
  Replies (25) Good night (8670) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (6873) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW" http://tfl.nu/hdte
  Replies (28) Good night (6632) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win. http://tfl.nu/b8se
  Replies (15) Good night (5169) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis! http://tfl.nu/tuy6
  Replies (119) Good night (1653) Bad night (9584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (16111) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03
  Replies (97) Good night (4189) Bad night (9661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.

  (949): View more from California

  she's my drunk super hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds. (949): she's my drunk super hero. http://tfl.nu/ngha
  Replies (17) Good night (5537) Bad night (1098)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/a558
  Replies (9) Good night (4845) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that. http://tfl.nu/jsxj
  Replies (10) Good night (5505) Bad night (1421)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  Does an alley count?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom... (1-514): Does an alley count? http://tfl.nu/n7ir
  Replies (8) Good night (1268) Bad night (2765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen. http://tfl.nu/9jnz
  Replies (19) Good night (5140) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave. (702): now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like" http://tfl.nu/f7jt
  Replies (17) Good night (8132) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit http://tfl.nu/ux8z
  Replies (18) Good night (3801) Bad night (1402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  there were a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am... (1-918): there were a lot. http://tfl.nu/x7ld
  Replies (29) Good night (6330) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you http://tfl.nu/ohu0
  Replies (13) Good night (5273) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run." http://tfl.nu/6vvj
  Replies (17) Good night (6872) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash. http://tfl.nu/pn5n
  Replies (31) Good night (5639) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then. http://tfl.nu/941i
  Replies (24) Good night (4942) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?" http://tfl.nu/ljzm
  Replies (51) Good night (2012) Bad night (6663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (2180) Bad night (7718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized. http://tfl.nu/cbfh
  Replies (11) Good night (4856) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis." http://tfl.nu/rkkz
  Replies (10) Good night (821) Bad night (3005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat? http://tfl.nu/7wij
  Replies (12) Good night (5572) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Any little, cute, petite blondes with you? (1-248): Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though. http://tfl.nu/s8t4
  Replies (41) Good night (9193) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (46592) Bad night (1694)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51570) Bad night (2262)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (6961) Bad night (1535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma. http://tfl.nu/dkbg
  Replies (37) Good night (4258) Bad night (7239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  None of that is ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there. (1-312): None of that is ok. http://tfl.nu/fi6r
  Replies (38) Good night (5396) Bad night (3572)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag http://tfl.nu/idf5
  Replies (34) Good night (1505) Bad night (5093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire http://tfl.nu/ncts
  Replies (10) Good night (4930) Bad night (1466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time http://tfl.nu/x6gg
  Replies (21) Good night (1007) Bad night (5340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit. (478): I'll get my vaginal cartography poster. http://tfl.nu/m8ec
  Replies (28) Good night (5693) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (13402) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (83) Good night (1611) Bad night (9847)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33899) Bad night (3565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka.. http://tfl.nu/lv2f
  Replies (20) Good night (4412) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them. http://tfl.nu/j4fw
  Replies (7) Good night (7562) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing http://tfl.nu/ldmu
  Replies (16) Good night (966) Bad night (4202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful http://tfl.nu/oafq
  Replies (19) Good night (7161) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever" http://tfl.nu/wsl5
  Replies (41) Good night (8085) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high. http://tfl.nu/z4jl
  Replies (25) Good night (5513) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart. http://tfl.nu/liah
  Replies (22) Good night (6842) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8764) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot

  (818): View more from California

  god is laughing at you again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot (818): god is laughing at you again http://tfl.nu/4fg3
  Replies (20) Good night (4931) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW. http://tfl.nu/izzq
  Replies (22) Good night (6493) Bad night (1756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (10069) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch. http://tfl.nu/qemq
  Replies (15) Good night (1101) Bad night (4133)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
  Replies (42) Good night (8343) Bad night (4660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald. http://tfl.nu/krtp
  Replies (21) Good night (7800) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats.. http://tfl.nu/8g2i
  Replies (19) Good night (1302) Bad night (4231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too. http://tfl.nu/fqh3
  Replies (3) Good night (3358) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year http://tfl.nu/bdbv
  Replies (9) Good night (5945) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8864) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time. http://tfl.nu/tmab
  Replies (34) Good night (1690) Bad night (4811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/328h
  Replies (17) Good night (7128) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet. http://tfl.nu/v8co
  Replies (11) Good night (4824) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk" http://tfl.nu/d5n3
  Replies (12) Good night (6841) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame. http://tfl.nu/lek8
  Replies (6) Good night (3878) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  Your pregnant arnt you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil. (1-646): Your pregnant arnt you http://tfl.nu/t59m
  Replies (21) Good night (1534) Bad night (5223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison. http://tfl.nu/kcq5
  Replies (23) Good night (1590) Bad night (4646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes (1-352): I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos. http://tfl.nu/ch4a
  Replies (13) Good night (7609) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here http://tfl.nu/hb41
  Replies (16) Good night (4709) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9454) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish" http://tfl.nu/4kon
  Replies (9) Good night (3428) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4
  Replies (52) Good night (15853) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer? http://tfl.nu/a07e
  Replies (20) Good night (6381) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes http://tfl.nu/3hm9
  Replies (50) Good night (8874) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4809) Bad night (9134)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me http://tfl.nu/0njw
  Replies (8) Good night (920) Bad night (4191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now. http://tfl.nu/lhag
  Replies (41) Good night (1280) Bad night (5873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with. http://tfl.nu/f7yk
  Replies (11) Good night (5864) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep. http://tfl.nu/k8wl
  Replies (17) Good night (6572) Bad night (2007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson. http://tfl.nu/vrgn
  Replies (19) Good night (4798) Bad night (1896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ill be there in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife. (847): ill be there in 5. http://tfl.nu/y9p2
  Replies (26) Good night (8589) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking." http://tfl.nu/oftj
  Replies (17) Good night (7721) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
  Replies (40) Good night (11149) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house http://tfl.nu/8rln
  Replies (18) Good night (851) Bad night (5156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (35) Good night (15234) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time. http://tfl.nu/fvgl
  Replies (13) Good night (6278) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room. http://tfl.nu/9qb1
  Replies (17) Good night (973) Bad night (5818)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date http://tfl.nu/ynms
  Replies (29) Good night (14270) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i dont even know how to be here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i dont even know how to be here http://tfl.nu/mwy9
  Replies (34) Good night (5413) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27831) Bad night (1801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet. http://tfl.nu/z4ao
  Replies (24) Good night (7393) Bad night (1520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down. http://tfl.nu/ki6l
  Replies (18) Good night (7453) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit http://tfl.nu/uw56
  Replies (17) Good night (973) Bad night (3578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl
  Replies (47) Good night (13788) Bad night (1228)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
  Replies (31) Good night (9437) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54924) Bad night (6420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (10184) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon. http://tfl.nu/d58s
  Replies (39) Good night (9049) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine. http://tfl.nu/s4y5
  Replies (25) Good night (10039) Bad night (1307)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16759) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants http://tfl.nu/j8mk
  Replies (8) Good night (876) Bad night (5123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod http://tfl.nu/2sd3
  Replies (6) Good night (5587) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme. http://tfl.nu/8vj2
  Replies (12) Good night (7681) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this? http://tfl.nu/pvqp
  Replies (43) Good night (4621) Bad night (2164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday' http://tfl.nu/p489
  Replies (62) Good night (2303) Bad night (24096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some. http://tfl.nu/ntfp
  Replies (12) Good night (1121) Bad night (5131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"? http://tfl.nu/vaok
  Replies (29) Good night (10685) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them http://tfl.nu/fxdr
  Replies (33) Good night (11549) Bad night (2132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face. http://tfl.nu/dqag
  Replies (11) Good night (1065) Bad night (4963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (12319) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second http://tfl.nu/z13t
  Replies (11) Good night (1049) Bad night (5044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We should party with her soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death. (715): We should party with her soon http://tfl.nu/q1hq
  Replies (17) Good night (8254) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9517) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (20174) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M http://tfl.nu/v1d0
  Replies (26) Good night (7600) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
  Replies (41) Good night (14606) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?" http://tfl.nu/efd9
  Replies (24) Good night (5780) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck. http://tfl.nu/xyly
  Replies (15) Good night (930) Bad night (5130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26871) Bad night (4291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk. http://tfl.nu/0k6c
  Replies (5) Good night (4506) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things http://tfl.nu/jwjz
  Replies (7) Good night (3221) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results... http://tfl.nu/tn0b
  Replies (14) Good night (1003) Bad night (7686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower. http://tfl.nu/cq6t
  Replies (41) Good night (1343) Bad night (13179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point... http://tfl.nu/zj6y
  Replies (17) Good night (8468) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to." http://tfl.nu/qnhd
  Replies (16) Good night (1735) Bad night (5426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together http://tfl.nu/6q67
  Replies (20) Good night (7412) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (23630) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls. http://tfl.nu/57re
  Replies (23) Good night (8173) Bad night (1441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep. http://tfl.nu/seq6
  Replies (14) Good night (5247) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  idk, I had a turtle in mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat? (1-941): idk, I had a turtle in mine. http://tfl.nu/ag7m
  Replies (30) Good night (3573) Bad night (5259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate http://tfl.nu/cll3
  Replies (25) Good night (5825) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9297) Bad night (1882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality http://tfl.nu/65cw
  Replies (44) Good night (7406) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school http://tfl.nu/ysoe
  Replies (59) Good night (10043) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was http://tfl.nu/vjju
  Replies (4) Good night (910) Bad night (3858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival. http://tfl.nu/kgpd
  Replies (9) Good night (4377) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes http://tfl.nu/vynn
  Replies (24) Good night (7957) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably (1-404): No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars http://tfl.nu/q62q
  Replies (6) Good night (5541) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/pltj
  Replies (17) Good night (3879) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  my secret santa just gave me a pregency test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): my secret santa just gave me a pregency test http://tfl.nu/rgpa
  Replies (20) Good night (1166) Bad night (6237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm http://tfl.nu/t2ln
  Replies (105) Good night (8946) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth http://tfl.nu/totm
  Replies (56) Good night (6699) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation. http://tfl.nu/2cc3
  Replies (12) Good night (723) Bad night (4989)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is. http://tfl.nu/8296
  Replies (20) Good night (6186) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night. http://tfl.nu/ve5u
  Replies (20) Good night (1133) Bad night (4105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible. http://tfl.nu/a85b
  Replies (7) Good night (7294) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already http://tfl.nu/ip8k
  Replies (31) Good night (6725) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever http://tfl.nu/se2n
  Replies (47) Good night (6724) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college. http://tfl.nu/m4jf
  Replies (52) Good night (4301) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51693) Bad night (5691)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons.... (1-630): which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father? http://tfl.nu/vh34
  Replies (31) Good night (985) Bad night (5224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar http://tfl.nu/o7a0
  Replies (13) Good night (3782) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C. http://tfl.nu/tif7
  Replies (18) Good night (3479) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate? http://tfl.nu/77q7
  Replies (77) Good night (6906) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci
  Replies (27) Good night (7816) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror. http://tfl.nu/is4s
  Replies (25) Good night (8241) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets http://tfl.nu/bg6i
  Replies (28) Good night (4596) Bad night (2041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science. http://tfl.nu/ee2g
  Replies (20) Good night (6892) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads. (917): Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful. http://tfl.nu/kyyh
  Replies (23) Good night (7245) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009. http://tfl.nu/bpk8
  Replies (36) Good night (649) Bad night (6610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news. http://tfl.nu/1uhd
  Replies (97) Good night (1492) Bad night (10262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit http://tfl.nu/qpl1
  Replies (71) Good night (7807) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (16538) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14891) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  what the hell does that mean?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here (1-208): what the hell does that mean? (208): nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages http://tfl.nu/of9o
  Replies (26) Good night (2458) Bad night (3791)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  safety first

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle (612): safety first http://tfl.nu/lbuo
  Replies (32) Good night (5318) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter http://tfl.nu/u1op
  Replies (24) Good night (6973) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
  Replies (73) Good night (18462) Bad night (3574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/envw
  Replies (55) Good night (8256) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  he fucked me so hard my future children felt it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): he fucked me so hard my future children felt it http://tfl.nu/ioph
  Replies (43) Good night (11248) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

  (816): View more from Missouri

  no its not leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2
  Replies (92) Good night (2034) Bad night (7841)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right? http://tfl.nu/y3vu
  Replies (49) Good night (1118) Bad night (7179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain... http://tfl.nu/8i34
  Replies (10) Good night (2113) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person http://tfl.nu/uj7d
  Replies (13) Good night (3537) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me. http://tfl.nu/ya5v
  Replies (2) Good night (2004) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card? http://tfl.nu/bsy4
  Replies (77) Good night (5268) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler http://tfl.nu/fwfa
  Replies (12) Good night (5674) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl. http://tfl.nu/kow0
  Replies (20) Good night (820) Bad night (6468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz
  Replies (47) Good night (11885) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby (1-515): What the fuck were you doing at wal mart? http://tfl.nu/0ikn
  Replies (50) Good night (7395) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd give my left nut to see you

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  don't do that. I like the set

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'd give my left nut to see you (609): don't do that. I like the set http://tfl.nu/41nb
  Replies (12) Good night (9633) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  You should get more absorbent shoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe. (1-864): You should get more absorbent shoes. http://tfl.nu/rrfm
  Replies (13) Good night (3112) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina http://tfl.nu/sexo
  Replies (71) Good night (6591) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people.. http://tfl.nu/f1rc
  Replies (44) Good night (4257) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog http://tfl.nu/8q9l
  Replies (34) Good night (5344) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one. http://tfl.nu/4xsk
  Replies (35) Good night (15369) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (48) Good night (8469) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet. http://tfl.nu/x1wg
  Replies (29) Good night (7734) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0
  Replies (20) Good night (4648) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar. (1-703): I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up? http://tfl.nu/a4zj
  Replies (55) Good night (11732) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6563) Bad night (2312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/eq2k
  Replies (38) Good night (5172) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'. (215): we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/6wc5
  Replies (27) Good night (6554) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this. http://tfl.nu/a7q9
  Replies (28) Good night (2096) Bad night (3654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A. http://tfl.nu/01sf
  Replies (43) Good night (1748) Bad night (5571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it. http://tfl.nu/9gem
  Replies (48) Good night (1701) Bad night (5801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months. http://tfl.nu/uiec
  Replies (28) Good night (841) Bad night (5164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk
  Replies (61) Good night (14414) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth" http://tfl.nu/n9fj
  Replies (44) Good night (977) Bad night (6791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her http://tfl.nu/gcpo
  Replies (12) Good night (1133) Bad night (4098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks http://tfl.nu/5a6w
  Replies (5) Good night (7185) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay". http://tfl.nu/1f7s
  Replies (31) Good night (6025) Bad night (1232)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer. http://tfl.nu/2j6i
  Replies (76) Good night (15370) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!?? http://tfl.nu/qs7s
  Replies (5) Good night (3836) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it. http://tfl.nu/kj9q
  Replies (95) Good night (4219) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut! http://tfl.nu/fz7u
  Replies (31) Good night (5693) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was... http://tfl.nu/mlza
  Replies (82) Good night (8876) Bad night (2336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/zwfn
  Replies (25) Good night (7510) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous. http://tfl.nu/lqpw
  Replies (93) Good night (7128) Bad night (1861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me. http://tfl.nu/tn93
  Replies (29) Good night (4619) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron. http://tfl.nu/eae7
  Replies (30) Good night (4482) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her. http://tfl.nu/z77d
  Replies (27) Good night (5156) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke. http://tfl.nu/gwfs
  Replies (14) Good night (5000) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse?? http://tfl.nu/m371
  Replies (22) Good night (3534) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I'm so hungover that the internet is hard. http://tfl.nu/0l8c
  Replies (17) Good night (3990) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something. http://tfl.nu/rxn8
  Replies (22) Good night (4029) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/i4q7
  Replies (15) Good night (4365) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/8zv1
  Replies (20) Good night (8822) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks. http://tfl.nu/i5e8
  Replies (23) Good night (940) Bad night (5466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread. http://tfl.nu/pzp6
  Replies (22) Good night (5800) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence? http://tfl.nu/hkha
  Replies (23) Good night (1635) Bad night (5015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader. http://tfl.nu/y8oj
  Replies (62) Good night (6842) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend. http://tfl.nu/by48
  Replies (24) Good night (653) Bad night (3624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com http://tfl.nu/9o3u
  Replies (10) Good night (3599) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.

  (631): View more from New York

  Samesies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I can only be a whore so many days outta the week. (631): Samesies http://tfl.nu/jurs
  Replies (23) Good night (4797) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo http://tfl.nu/wnvu
  Replies (31) Good night (1153) Bad night (6526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (474): View more from

  Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (474): Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now. http://tfl.nu/0awf
  Replies (28) Good night (6438) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried http://tfl.nu/gu6n
  Replies (131) Good night (6016) Bad night (7197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him http://tfl.nu/7qwv
  Replies (19) Good night (1120) Bad night (4104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe http://tfl.nu/zrqw
  Replies (7) Good night (4341) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in http://tfl.nu/h08n
  Replies (6) Good night (5511) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom http://tfl.nu/c6lg
  Replies (17) Good night (1529) Bad night (4323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math. http://tfl.nu/a930
  Replies (68) Good night (5017) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history. http://tfl.nu/28mn
  Replies (12) Good night (2647) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip http://tfl.nu/86nj
  Replies (20) Good night (4122) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): you were trying to give my penis an indian burn. http://tfl.nu/5vh0
  Replies (36) Good night (684) Bad night (8458) Order T-Shirt