i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
