i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and i looked up. we had an audience...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
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