It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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