JVWV90's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology. http://tfl.nu/e8xh
  Replies (8) Good night (3648) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm. http://tfl.nu/vdhu
  Replies (15) Good night (4644) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that. http://tfl.nu/d355
  Replies (6) Good night (836) Bad night (1335)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be. http://tfl.nu/ssx0
  Replies (5) Good night (2085) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/p54t
  Replies (4) Good night (1825) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer". http://tfl.nu/vh03
  Replies (7) Good night (4231) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): this is worse than the time i threw up a condom. http://tfl.nu/98sx
  Replies (15) Good night (733) Bad night (4795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain? http://tfl.nu/msrw
  Replies (3) Good night (1751) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better. http://tfl.nu/8g47
  Replies (4) Good night (2295) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On. http://tfl.nu/kp7b
  Replies (5) Good night (3498) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D http://tfl.nu/kf4w
  Replies (8) Good night (2421) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy" http://tfl.nu/xm1o
  Replies (6) Good night (1309) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Those were the highlights of my night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves. (717): Those were the highlights of my night. http://tfl.nu/jaow
  Replies (8) Good night (1843) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick. http://tfl.nu/hzir
  Replies (12) Good night (2342) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb. http://tfl.nu/q1zp
  Replies (3) Good night (3465) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover http://tfl.nu/eh7g
  Replies (1) Good night (1460) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country http://tfl.nu/u6pi
  Replies (27) Good night (4421) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car http://tfl.nu/ci3e
  Replies (6) Good night (776) Bad night (2011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me http://tfl.nu/7cqx
  Replies (5) Good night (2297) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent" http://tfl.nu/6trp
  Replies (6) Good night (1205) Bad night (2548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis. http://tfl.nu/q40e
  Replies (15) Good night (4904) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13. http://tfl.nu/mb7j
  Replies (13) Good night (8154) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure. http://tfl.nu/7lqe
  Replies (5) Good night (1818) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets http://tfl.nu/behk
  Replies (7) Good night (1701) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her. http://tfl.nu/io76
  Replies (10) Good night (939) Bad night (2409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested. http://tfl.nu/rwnz
  Replies (1) Good night (1819) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester http://tfl.nu/tjvn
  Replies (2) Good night (2105) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!? http://tfl.nu/h2a2
  Replies (9) Good night (3202) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss http://tfl.nu/xu33
  Replies (10) Good night (2171) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up. http://tfl.nu/rp3b
  Replies (9) Good night (2212) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes. http://tfl.nu/m1eq
  Replies (8) Good night (2056) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong." http://tfl.nu/mk9e
  Replies (9) Good night (1870) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle. http://tfl.nu/ldbf
  Replies (11) Good night (2035) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up? http://tfl.nu/f130
  Replies (9) Good night (3549) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea. http://tfl.nu/8y4f
  Replies (10) Good night (2180) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D. http://tfl.nu/wwrb
  Replies (9) Good night (2604) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good. http://tfl.nu/i8bn
  Replies (3) Good night (2208) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I know, she tried to drink it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street. (317): I know, she tried to drink it http://tfl.nu/h1z5
  Replies (10) Good night (990) Bad night (2461)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s. http://tfl.nu/244n
  Replies (12) Good night (2835) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting? http://tfl.nu/j29m
  Replies (11) Good night (2206) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (172994) Bad night (6893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (63) Good night (56964) Bad night (1217)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54906) Bad night (6414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64822) Bad night (2519)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65370) Bad night (3433)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72025) Bad night (2120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80166) Bad night (4304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (90203) Bad night (3863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112187) Bad night (9720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142113) Bad night (9305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  DRUNK CANOEING

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Please text me if you survive.

  (207): View more from Maine

  LAND HO BITCH

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): DRUNK CANOEING (804): Please text me if you survive. (207): LAND HO BITCH http://tfl.nu/6y3l
  Replies (27) Good night (9979) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it. http://tfl.nu/ym59
  Replies (6) Good night (2293) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar http://tfl.nu/l67v
  Replies (8) Good night (2319) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So squirting runs in the family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): So squirting runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/x29o
  Replies (15) Good night (3789) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after. http://tfl.nu/ay86
  Replies (17) Good night (4482) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson. http://tfl.nu/gvkr
  Replies (13) Good night (3191) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while. http://tfl.nu/zglk
  Replies (3) Good night (740) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me. http://tfl.nu/7zz8
  Replies (5) Good night (1128) Bad night (2109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit. http://tfl.nu/92kz
  Replies (21) Good night (5391) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed. http://tfl.nu/z9qp
  Replies (7) Good night (2627) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy. http://tfl.nu/ck7x
  Replies (18) Good night (1230) Bad night (2429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me http://tfl.nu/i130
  Replies (12) Good night (1418) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/rzly
  Replies (3) Good night (1821) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed. http://tfl.nu/abj9
  Replies (7) Good night (933) Bad night (4574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot... http://tfl.nu/l2p1
  Replies (3) Good night (2055) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point. http://tfl.nu/8d6y
  Replies (8) Good night (3362) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards. http://tfl.nu/0ymc
  Replies (10) Good night (1908) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd
  Replies (20) Good night (3668) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP http://tfl.nu/camw
  Replies (11) Good night (4783) Bad night (1309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable http://tfl.nu/8shm
  Replies (13) Good night (3532) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth? http://tfl.nu/eljh
  Replies (9) Good night (844) Bad night (5171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison. http://tfl.nu/ax4a
  Replies (13) Good night (2381) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment http://tfl.nu/2in4
  Replies (7) Good night (2925) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her? http://tfl.nu/iav7
  Replies (14) Good night (5030) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps? http://tfl.nu/jolf
  Replies (13) Good night (4111) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here? http://tfl.nu/lydo
  Replies (20) Good night (4225) Bad night (1876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok http://tfl.nu/c6qb
  Replies (7) Good night (3013) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud http://tfl.nu/qo9v
  Replies (10) Good night (3826) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight. http://tfl.nu/cb14
  Replies (2) Good night (3292) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first. http://tfl.nu/hwjj
  Replies (12) Good night (3255) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy http://tfl.nu/pgsd
  Replies (2) Good night (2387) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right? http://tfl.nu/gdo1
  Replies (6) Good night (3152) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done. http://tfl.nu/song
  Replies (12) Good night (4207) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse. http://tfl.nu/qxpq
  Replies (6) Good night (2419) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He asked if I wanted to "hang out"

  (410): View more from Maryland

  A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He asked if I wanted to "hang out" (410): A verb which here means "do lines off my dick" http://tfl.nu/6cb5
  Replies (9) Good night (3110) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That's yours. We cut you off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off? (651): That's yours. We cut you off. http://tfl.nu/7df9
  Replies (3) Good night (3792) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...

  (425): View more from Washington

  Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies... (425): Let's let the open bar be the judge of that. http://tfl.nu/ch8t
  Replies (7) Good night (5641) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again. http://tfl.nu/9v1i
  Replies (45) Good night (4810) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now http://tfl.nu/59pg
  Replies (64) Good night (993) Bad night (6625)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food http://tfl.nu/6rf4
  Replies (32) Good night (868) Bad night (1969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever http://tfl.nu/czge
  Replies (3) Good night (921) Bad night (2261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees. http://tfl.nu/sgqa
  Replies (8) Good night (1339) Bad night (3732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/zg18
  Replies (25) Good night (4754) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid http://tfl.nu/igue
  Replies (3) Good night (2540) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever. http://tfl.nu/07ur
  Replies (9) Good night (4200) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick http://tfl.nu/3foz
  Replies (25) Good night (612) Bad night (3973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee http://tfl.nu/zf15
  Replies (29) Good night (5741) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one

  (347): View more from New York

  Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...

  (802): View more from Vermont

  do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one (347): Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy... (802): do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy. http://tfl.nu/wg4e
  Replies (43) Good night (3052) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter. http://tfl.nu/9rwz
  Replies (20) Good night (3450) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later http://tfl.nu/x9e9
  Replies (9) Good night (6213) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome http://tfl.nu/t5r7
  Replies (62) Good night (7583) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning..... http://tfl.nu/nrjr
  Replies (16) Good night (1836) Bad night (4913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE. http://tfl.nu/mzqa
  Replies (5) Good night (2496) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila http://tfl.nu/e6je
  Replies (20) Good night (837) Bad night (5600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man http://tfl.nu/boh9
  Replies (11) Good night (3962) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear. http://tfl.nu/h1fn
  Replies (10) Good night (2667) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me. http://tfl.nu/ey2n
  Replies (16) Good night (5690) Bad night (1709)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over. http://tfl.nu/878e
  Replies (40) Good night (1484) Bad night (7190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out. http://tfl.nu/5bm3
  Replies (65) Good night (1561) Bad night (3682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again. (214): round 2? (972): EVER. http://tfl.nu/6p06
  Replies (10) Good night (990) Bad night (3470)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold. http://tfl.nu/7qjs
  Replies (22) Good night (1077) Bad night (4342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even. http://tfl.nu/24fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5607) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom http://tfl.nu/przj
  Replies (9) Good night (2915) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn? http://tfl.nu/bm5d
  Replies (11) Good night (6638) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party http://tfl.nu/77aw
  Replies (15) Good night (6666) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically. http://tfl.nu/76cj
  Replies (25) Good night (13882) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms http://tfl.nu/8xzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4293) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out.. http://tfl.nu/o5dk
  Replies (19) Good night (5504) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack. http://tfl.nu/j0gt
  Replies (20) Good night (4450) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did http://tfl.nu/11j3
  Replies (11) Good night (1021) Bad night (4262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?

  (949): View more from California

  Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn? (949): Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER. http://tfl.nu/x4x0
  Replies (29) Good night (975) Bad night (3770)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens. http://tfl.nu/zmnj
  Replies (18) Good night (6562) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8766) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face. http://tfl.nu/ozn3
  Replies (39) Good night (1330) Bad night (6315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  be more specific...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen? (1-248): be more specific...? http://tfl.nu/5e4s
  Replies (6) Good night (1745) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library. http://tfl.nu/m2ex
  Replies (11) Good night (3872) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water. http://tfl.nu/94yr
  Replies (8) Good night (4942) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much? http://tfl.nu/63ru
  Replies (10) Good night (3128) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice http://tfl.nu/dly6
  Replies (15) Good night (3000) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him http://tfl.nu/pmln
  Replies (11) Good night (2195) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  she could've warned me his penis was curved

  (708): View more from Illinois

  ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): she could've warned me his penis was curved (708): ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/vp5d
  Replies (14) Good night (1576) Bad night (4521)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  he has the hands of the vagina gods.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): he has the hands of the vagina gods. http://tfl.nu/xhgv
  Replies (12) Good night (4436) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/ohwe
  Replies (25) Good night (6446) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me.... http://tfl.nu/rsl7
  Replies (32) Good night (1338) Bad night (3096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate. http://tfl.nu/bucy
  Replies (18) Good night (2931) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give. http://tfl.nu/lewe
  Replies (11) Good night (4083) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore. http://tfl.nu/6de5
  Replies (14) Good night (3593) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina http://tfl.nu/0ynp
  Replies (23) Good night (7160) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
  Replies (40) Good night (7720) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (9163) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started. http://tfl.nu/bmag
  Replies (24) Good night (3214) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself. http://tfl.nu/ycey
  Replies (8) Good night (3361) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz http://tfl.nu/789h
  Replies (10) Good night (1862) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls. http://tfl.nu/z40q
  Replies (16) Good night (4240) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail. http://tfl.nu/n6cf
  Replies (5) Good night (3559) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life http://tfl.nu/cbjj
  Replies (24) Good night (5205) Bad night (2201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex. http://tfl.nu/87fe
  Replies (18) Good night (3947) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams. http://tfl.nu/yznu
  Replies (23) Good night (3636) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon. http://tfl.nu/n05i
  Replies (9) Good night (3518) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember? http://tfl.nu/1p12
  Replies (16) Good night (4448) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing http://tfl.nu/c7lz
  Replies (23) Good night (5842) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese http://tfl.nu/b6cs
  Replies (9) Good night (4626) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face. http://tfl.nu/qeig
  Replies (6) Good night (3786) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It was like getting head from an anaconda

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It was like getting head from an anaconda http://tfl.nu/fnhr
  Replies (23) Good night (2943) Bad night (2051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer. http://tfl.nu/11oh
  Replies (16) Good night (3073) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks. http://tfl.nu/6rdh
  Replies (6) Good night (3310) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend http://tfl.nu/u4us
  Replies (48) Good night (4069) Bad night (2786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested. http://tfl.nu/vry7
  Replies (15) Good night (4666) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that http://tfl.nu/57uu
  Replies (6) Good night (4164) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you. http://tfl.nu/c5wc
  Replies (24) Good night (4942) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right http://tfl.nu/du0e
  Replies (24) Good night (6031) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine http://tfl.nu/6flp
  Replies (12) Good night (978) Bad night (3616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that? http://tfl.nu/dqln
  Replies (6) Good night (3662) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed. http://tfl.nu/94v6
  Replies (10) Good night (5568) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86054) Bad night (8367)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike. http://tfl.nu/qggw
  Replies (19) Good night (6505) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time! http://tfl.nu/fe3b
  Replies (18) Good night (2898) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m
  Replies (29) Good night (9929) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more. http://tfl.nu/a0ch
  Replies (5) Good night (724) Bad night (3349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1605) Bad night (8594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating http://tfl.nu/mu9q
  Replies (17) Good night (4389) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/enxi
  Replies (13) Good night (6315) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8975) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  Wtf? What happened?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo
  Replies (42) Good night (17394) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1426) Bad night (5792)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night..... (617): I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11 http://tfl.nu/wa6u
  Replies (36) Good night (7528) Bad night (1359)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (28341) Bad night (1968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8511) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse. http://tfl.nu/chf5
  Replies (6) Good night (948) Bad night (2176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it. http://tfl.nu/hjdx
  Replies (79) Good night (9075) Bad night (2692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real. http://tfl.nu/3nu3
  Replies (32) Good night (2169) Bad night (6288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet http://tfl.nu/qhid
  Replies (12) Good night (4280) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  Oh God. You're going to jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals. (1-352): Oh God. You're going to jail http://tfl.nu/m7qu
  Replies (30) Good night (5887) Bad night (1396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
  Replies (50) Good night (9218) Bad night (2831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me http://tfl.nu/nasi
  Replies (23) Good night (6000) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I need you to use more vowels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar (219): I need you to use more vowels. http://tfl.nu/cjfw
  Replies (15) Good night (8032) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver. http://tfl.nu/r9iy
  Replies (39) Good night (10129) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame http://tfl.nu/qjff
  Replies (14) Good night (3245) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk69
  Replies (29) Good night (6699) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed. http://tfl.nu/gl5z
  Replies (12) Good night (4207) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round http://tfl.nu/7y9k
  Replies (18) Good night (8067) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz. http://tfl.nu/48gp
  Replies (22) Good night (2702) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday. http://tfl.nu/7ydm
  Replies (10) Good night (2869) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?" http://tfl.nu/cr38
  Replies (12) Good night (3853) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine http://tfl.nu/lktn
  Replies (7) Good night (2747) Bad night (1187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through http://tfl.nu/6tx9
  Replies (14) Good night (5233) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant. http://tfl.nu/n66u
  Replies (46) Good night (711) Bad night (2085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm... http://tfl.nu/bp9a
  Replies (40) Good night (5342) Bad night (1343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory http://tfl.nu/t9t2
  Replies (21) Good night (10866) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (61) Good night (30523) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick. http://tfl.nu/emch
  Replies (6) Good night (4133) Bad night (1400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
  Replies (33) Good night (8617) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady." http://tfl.nu/ftym
  Replies (11) Good night (6140) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead, http://tfl.nu/tjky
  Replies (11) Good night (4363) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone http://tfl.nu/rrl6
  Replies (3) Good night (4070) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth http://tfl.nu/99n5
  Replies (10) Good night (453) Bad night (3254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint. http://tfl.nu/71cw
  Replies (32) Good night (6276) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience http://tfl.nu/nrax
  Replies (8) Good night (2495) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top. http://tfl.nu/vbez
  Replies (19) Good night (4887) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end http://tfl.nu/vfas
  Replies (10) Good night (6228) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her. http://tfl.nu/kcyk
  Replies (15) Good night (4855) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone http://tfl.nu/69r6
  Replies (20) Good night (7897) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation. http://tfl.nu/5z11
  Replies (22) Good night (1347) Bad night (5230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up http://tfl.nu/hzs8
  Replies (10) Good night (2578) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it http://tfl.nu/atpp
  Replies (9) Good night (936) Bad night (2578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only. http://tfl.nu/wjh3
  Replies (7) Good night (2651) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (333): View more from

  im calling her cock vulture from now on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (333): im calling her cock vulture from now on http://tfl.nu/4dmx
  Replies (28) Good night (2698) Bad night (1357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard. http://tfl.nu/0fj9
  Replies (42) Good night (2138) Bad night (4420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this. http://tfl.nu/pfxy
  Replies (6) Good night (4277) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit http://tfl.nu/mxfj
  Replies (16) Good night (3094) Bad night (1624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be? http://tfl.nu/hgpj
  Replies (5) Good night (2234) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY. http://tfl.nu/nqby
  Replies (32) Good night (1653) Bad night (7369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight. http://tfl.nu/6ch9
  Replies (47) Good night (1763) Bad night (7017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester. http://tfl.nu/ggyj
  Replies (39) Good night (2772) Bad night (4995)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  What do you think it is?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): What do you think it is? (615): It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow. http://tfl.nu/3ng4
  Replies (12) Good night (4874) Bad night (1440)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you. http://tfl.nu/s4f8
  Replies (13) Good night (1202) Bad night (3424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds http://tfl.nu/2vvx
  Replies (32) Good night (1490) Bad night (15327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped. http://tfl.nu/rhrp
  Replies (60) Good night (867) Bad night (16010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could. http://tfl.nu/cj4q
  Replies (74) Good night (3761) Bad night (17773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2450) Bad night (35322)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming. http://tfl.nu/oxhe
  Replies (139) Good night (1615) Bad night (37766)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (85) Good night (3268) Bad night (39383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6787) Bad night (40787)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/fztn
  Replies (98) Good night (4645) Bad night (53755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (136) Good night (7268) Bad night (55216)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
  Replies (100) Good night (6986) Bad night (60206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v
  Replies (101) Good night (3751) Bad night (66459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (275) Good night (4045) Bad night (68254)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (225) Good night (7499) Bad night (72127)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (260) Good night (3951) Bad night (78175)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (175) Good night (6358) Bad night (79711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4810) Bad night (101263)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
  Replies (789) Good night (7322) Bad night (109872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left. http://tfl.nu/sy8j
  Replies (18) Good night (1319) Bad night (6282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  why would you restrict a girl of that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow (1-785): why would you restrict a girl of that http://tfl.nu/flyl
  Replies (6) Good night (2096) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times. http://tfl.nu/ao6t
  Replies (30) Good night (9306) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/13ff
  Replies (78) Good night (25774) Bad night (2948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773) i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst. (773)SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person http://tfl.nu/tfn0
  Replies (11) Good night (1535) Bad night (2684)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader? http://tfl.nu/orgq
  Replies (31) Good night (7706) Bad night (1539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (4894) Bad night (3137)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes http://tfl.nu/vynn
  Replies (24) Good night (7956) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  time to smoke my breakfast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): time to smoke my breakfast http://tfl.nu/9r0k
  Replies (13) Good night (5066) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  I'm not sure what to say to that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC. (1-614): I'm not sure what to say to that. http://tfl.nu/ot0k
  Replies (29) Good night (584) Bad night (2526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Can we have unprotected sex soon?

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Can we have unprotected sex soon? (270): Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner http://tfl.nu/5s3c
  Replies (5) Good night (1466) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint http://tfl.nu/xmhe
  Replies (15) Good night (4466) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning http://tfl.nu/3q6t
  Replies (10) Good night (914) Bad night (4200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise. http://tfl.nu/ewvs
  Replies (40) Good night (2066) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out

  (607): View more from New York

  what a beautiful fairy tale

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out (607): what a beautiful fairy tale http://tfl.nu/50v3
  Replies (33) Good night (10654) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls http://tfl.nu/a8qz
  Replies (60) Good night (1305) Bad night (6569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton. http://tfl.nu/u4qg
  Replies (66) Good night (469) Bad night (4233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk." http://tfl.nu/3sim
  Replies (10) Good night (3181) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40 http://tfl.nu/gfeh
  Replies (6) Good night (3859) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (30) Good night (11878) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had. http://tfl.nu/a3aj
  Replies (13) Good night (3443) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here. http://tfl.nu/i6i2
  Replies (10) Good night (2912) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown. http://tfl.nu/tv3d
  Replies (40) Good night (7221) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos. http://tfl.nu/pe3o
  Replies (9) Good night (3349) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon. http://tfl.nu/pf1i
  Replies (6) Good night (2764) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned http://tfl.nu/f6cf
  Replies (14) Good night (2685) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it http://tfl.nu/wiu8
  Replies (29) Good night (6811) Bad night (1113)