We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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