It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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