This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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