There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Holy shit dude........stairs
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