t_bren's Favorites Texts:

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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.

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  (862): The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different. http://tfl.nu/flvh
  Replies (3) Good night (190) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment

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  (610): How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment http://tfl.nu/bnot
  Replies (4) Good night (550) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?

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  (850): Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans? http://tfl.nu/94rr
  Replies (1) Good night (231) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots

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  (519): I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots http://tfl.nu/46f2
  Replies (17) Good night (1881) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.

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  (270): You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/j0k2
  Replies (16) Good night (1552) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...

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  (607): I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street... http://tfl.nu/0y14
  Replies (11) Good night (1238) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen

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  (502): You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen http://tfl.nu/i11i
  Replies (13) Good night (1248) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE

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  (407): SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE http://tfl.nu/zlef
  Replies (8) Good night (1888) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.

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  (740): Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked. http://tfl.nu/voiu
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"

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  (406): after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers" http://tfl.nu/5du2
  Replies (2) Good night (921) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.

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  (303): Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face. http://tfl.nu/mcx6
  Replies (7) Good night (1598) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
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  (786): View more from Florida

  What vodka is american?

  (1-786): View more from Florida

  Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.

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  (786): What vodka is american? (1-786): Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july. http://tfl.nu/p6uy
  Replies (11) Good night (1800) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"

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  (831): She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock" http://tfl.nu/hp1z
  Replies (26) Good night (4631) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE

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  (631): His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE http://tfl.nu/8spd
  Replies (17) Good night (767) Bad night (1743) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.

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  (952): She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high. http://tfl.nu/dd7j
  Replies (2) Good night (732) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.

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  (563): i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look. http://tfl.nu/aj1z
  Replies (9) Good night (625) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I want "hickeys on my ass" sex

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  (805): I want "hickeys on my ass" sex http://tfl.nu/gaw7
  Replies (10) Good night (1662) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."

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  (860): I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off." http://tfl.nu/975o
  Replies (8) Good night (1452) Bad night (366)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"

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  (719): I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!" http://tfl.nu/n0v3
  Replies (2) Good night (1378) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Get your penis over here NOW. emergency

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  (402): Get your penis over here NOW. emergency http://tfl.nu/eywx
  Replies (10) Good night (2047) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.

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  (651): Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker. http://tfl.nu/umuy
  Replies (13) Good night (1224) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.

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  (720): Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something. http://tfl.nu/z9g9
  Replies (18) Good night (795) Bad night (2093) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.

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  (702): Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/o3bo
  Replies (10) Good night (919) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.

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  (651): I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen. http://tfl.nu/ant7
  Replies (9) Good night (2304) Bad night (413)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.

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  (830): we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked. http://tfl.nu/50u7
  Replies (8) Good night (2176) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.

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  (919): What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic. http://tfl.nu/uq7x
  Replies (19) Good night (2893) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.

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  (406): All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven. http://tfl.nu/uskg
  Replies (11) Good night (1773) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.

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  (215): bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista. http://tfl.nu/gval
  Replies (12) Good night (973) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.

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  (850): Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made. http://tfl.nu/7051
  Replies (5) Good night (1721) Bad night (402)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.

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  (904): I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really. http://tfl.nu/399x
  Replies (4) Good night (1278) Bad night (361)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You dont lie about slip and slides

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  (502): You dont lie about slip and slides http://tfl.nu/1239
  Replies (9) Good night (1573) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer

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  (518): We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer http://tfl.nu/x68v
  Replies (2) Good night (1351) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.

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  (646): I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly. http://tfl.nu/khhz
  Replies (11) Good night (2046) Bad night (578)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

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  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (49) Good night (17800) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.

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  (781): And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today. http://tfl.nu/2n0s
  Replies (21) Good night (2627) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum

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  (503): Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum http://tfl.nu/wrcg
  Replies (26) Good night (4466) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.

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  (317): Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home. http://tfl.nu/w49b
  Replies (2) Good night (1269) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal

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  (703): I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal http://tfl.nu/8ovb
  Replies (2) Good night (1954) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.

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  (503): we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food. http://tfl.nu/i6sw
  Replies (14) Good night (3757) Bad night (1767) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60

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  (618): I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60 http://tfl.nu/6i7r
  Replies (10) Good night (1249) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit

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  (910): i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit http://tfl.nu/ocpj
  Replies (18) Good night (3864) Bad night (575)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"

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  (407): I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt" http://tfl.nu/48bw
  Replies (14) Good night (3131) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.

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  (256): No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep. http://tfl.nu/gby7
  Replies (25) Good night (9112) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.

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  (425): Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl. http://tfl.nu/yy2b
  Replies (20) Good night (2815) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight

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  (416): I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight http://tfl.nu/k1ij
  Replies (7) Good night (3577) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.

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  (609): and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier. http://tfl.nu/u9m6
  Replies (15) Good night (2913) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20

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  (651): I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20 http://tfl.nu/s3lf
  Replies (3) Good night (1965) Bad night (724)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...

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  (404): Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february... http://tfl.nu/39i3
  Replies (6) Good night (4284) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.

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  (540): Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures. http://tfl.nu/hix2
  Replies (8) Good night (1806) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Ecstasy should be its own food group.

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  (316): Ecstasy should be its own food group. http://tfl.nu/46zl
  Replies (5) Good night (1179) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...

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  (717): And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv... http://tfl.nu/8bd5
  Replies (12) Good night (721) Bad night (1581) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.

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  (336): Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid. http://tfl.nu/ga4m
  Replies (30) Good night (5964) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk

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  (918): my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk http://tfl.nu/q4ib
  Replies (14) Good night (4670) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep

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  (630): She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep http://tfl.nu/xep7
  Replies (41) Good night (17997) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I mean a good dj is a huge turn on

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  (586): I mean a good dj is a huge turn on http://tfl.nu/qjzn
  Replies (10) Good night (1112) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?

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  (509): Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right? http://tfl.nu/bnll
  Replies (16) Good night (1653) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.

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  (631): being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/sgbo
  Replies (11) Good night (4242) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16199) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?

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  (989): Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics? http://tfl.nu/kwmb
  Replies (10) Good night (2774) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  What are you doing and how can I add sex in there

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  (708): What are you doing and how can I add sex in there http://tfl.nu/rphe
  Replies (5) Good night (2855) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.

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  (517): I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/qnhv
  Replies (20) Good night (2590) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

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  (717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell. (410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks. http://tfl.nu/xm4l
  Replies (22) Good night (8103) Bad night (841)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.

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  (859): if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it. http://tfl.nu/6uvx
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  (914): View more from New York

  How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?

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  (914): How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy? http://tfl.nu/qpaa
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  (716): View more from New York

  When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."

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  (716): When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex." http://tfl.nu/1pf1
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.

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  (+44): At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever. http://tfl.nu/bxy4
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

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  (770): Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay. http://tfl.nu/tpqf
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I love you more than champagne and correct grammar

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  (304): I love you more than champagne and correct grammar http://tfl.nu/3165
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  How was your weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.

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  (774): How was your weekend? (508): The sex was so good. It hurts to exist. http://tfl.nu/pe42
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

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  (214): I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you. (1-214): that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary http://tfl.nu/469f
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.

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  (425): I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing. http://tfl.nu/l5kn
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.

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  (717): dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high. http://tfl.nu/gyij
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.

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  (425): i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice. http://tfl.nu/fg4t
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  please come you make the beer taste better

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  (520): please come you make the beer taste better http://tfl.nu/dzlt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vagina supports interfraternal relations

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  (215): My vagina supports interfraternal relations http://tfl.nu/ji34
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  (845): View more from New York

  So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing

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  (845): So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing http://tfl.nu/1y41
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  (360): View more from Washington

  It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick

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  (360): It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick http://tfl.nu/navf
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore

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  (910): He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore http://tfl.nu/tias
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.

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  (575): Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits. http://tfl.nu/8qqe
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.

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  (330): No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/d0l1
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  (585): View more from New York

  We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.

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  (585): We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling. http://tfl.nu/9r51
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

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  (402): What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho. http://tfl.nu/a5a8
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

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  (267): Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays http://tfl.nu/fevr
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.

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  (647): I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life. http://tfl.nu/xuzg
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.

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  (832): you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/gkpj
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.

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  (913): I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms. (1-913): So you know, I'm making that my facebook status. http://tfl.nu/4s8l
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.

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  (816): You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses. http://tfl.nu/7wdn
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.

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  (623): Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds. http://tfl.nu/ovdt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before

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  (605): I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before http://tfl.nu/b07w
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I resent that

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  (989): If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back (906): I resent that http://tfl.nu/qneu
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  (975): View more from Missouri

  At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.

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  (975): At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt. http://tfl.nu/pzgf
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  (714): View more from California

  BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.

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  (714): BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that. http://tfl.nu/qgn9
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.

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  (410): Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style. http://tfl.nu/gn5p
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  (760): View more from California

  I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.

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  (760): I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation. http://tfl.nu/wrn9
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  (408): View more from California

  This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.

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  (408): This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady. http://tfl.nu/u3v1
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.

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  (443): you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life. http://tfl.nu/pccz
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.

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  (210): I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer. http://tfl.nu/a3pu
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  (646): View more from New York

  lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact

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  (646): lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact http://tfl.nu/9ru6
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.

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  (708): You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx. http://tfl.nu/t703
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.

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  (402): I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious. http://tfl.nu/b9xl
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism

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  (901): No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism http://tfl.nu/00o3
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.

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  (202): i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day. http://tfl.nu/yh3a
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.

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  (973): He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird. http://tfl.nu/n9dq
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass

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  (678): And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass http://tfl.nu/ws6p
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

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  (401): I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants. (401): Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean. http://tfl.nu/96j7
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood

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  (360): I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood http://tfl.nu/vxnk
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.

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  (214): Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again. http://tfl.nu/sc3c
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.

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  (305): Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer. http://tfl.nu/0a2y
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  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

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  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?

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  (816): you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint? (636): you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint? http://tfl.nu/hfu5
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  (661): View more from California

  1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.

  (1-661): View more from California

  1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up

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  (661): 1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place. (1-661): 1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up http://tfl.nu/wu9m
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!

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  (217): He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP! http://tfl.nu/1t3i
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?

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  (757): so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you? http://tfl.nu/s3jk
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.

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  (405): There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS. http://tfl.nu/dubs
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.

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  (404): Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom. http://tfl.nu/7own
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.

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  (815): Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites. http://tfl.nu/zd6b
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.

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  (920): He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start. http://tfl.nu/5fft
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together

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  (480): U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together http://tfl.nu/9vec
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.

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  (940): Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses. http://tfl.nu/a1yl
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm

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  (312): I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm http://tfl.nu/hl7i
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  (619): View more from California

  I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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  (619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night

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  (609): Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night http://tfl.nu/7184
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse

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  (316): its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse http://tfl.nu/neow
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.

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  (937): I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/5qlb
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back

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  (732): really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back http://tfl.nu/dm4i
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
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  (415): View more from California

  i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.

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  (415): i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world. http://tfl.nu/0s72
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them

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  (239): I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them http://tfl.nu/55o4
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  (512): View more from Texas

  If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.

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  (512): If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome. http://tfl.nu/rgpf
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?

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  (253): Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls? http://tfl.nu/i6ht
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  (925): View more from California

  anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.

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  (925): anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend. http://tfl.nu/wrr6
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  (972): View more from Texas

  he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.

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  (972): he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/boyq
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.

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  (651): whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/g1hs
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  (904): View more from Florida

  at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot

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  (904): at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot http://tfl.nu/zopv
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  (415): View more from California

  handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond

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  (415): handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond http://tfl.nu/umuj
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.

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  (847): Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too. http://tfl.nu/lfcy
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012

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  (732): I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012 http://tfl.nu/8oo2
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

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  (678): Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that. http://tfl.nu/i43f
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  Let's do it. All homo

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  (708): We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks." (1-708): Let's do it. All homo http://tfl.nu/evdg
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics

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  (509): I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics http://tfl.nu/1cmu
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

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  (416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.

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  (860): Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success. http://tfl.nu/qxy1
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.

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  (602): So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby. http://tfl.nu/ia9y
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  (212): View more from New York

  Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.

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  (212): Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it. http://tfl.nu/q1v1
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

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  (618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.

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  (702): I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared. http://tfl.nu/11u7
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  (954): View more from Florida

  malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away

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  (954): malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away http://tfl.nu/rorw
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.

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  (317): Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good. http://tfl.nu/7ot5
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.

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  (702): I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it. http://tfl.nu/kp90
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while

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  (317): She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while http://tfl.nu/u1c9
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words

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  (810): Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words http://tfl.nu/8a38
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2

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  (703): he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2 http://tfl.nu/k675
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?

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  (509): I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become? http://tfl.nu/prj3
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  (310): View more from California

  Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?

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  (310): Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head? http://tfl.nu/rn01
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007

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  (443): i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007 http://tfl.nu/tyl3
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  That Cesar Milan is captivating

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  (954): Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer (1-954): That Cesar Milan is captivating http://tfl.nu/iuqa
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  (914): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it

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  (914): i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it http://tfl.nu/9xaf
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

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  (605): We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink. http://tfl.nu/ugbw
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.

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  (443): she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup. http://tfl.nu/y9af
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.

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  (985): I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me. http://tfl.nu/zadb
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.

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  (201): St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany. http://tfl.nu/1100
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day

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  (610): I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day http://tfl.nu/7iec
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah, where have you been?

  (407): View more from Florida

  Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.

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  (978): Yeah, where have you been? (407): Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus. http://tfl.nu/jpxm
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  (661): View more from California

  Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

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  (661): Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me. http://tfl.nu/1wv6
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.

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  (802): elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze. http://tfl.nu/rr46
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  (421): View more from

  And she was only 16?

  (1-421): View more from

  You say that like it's a bad thing.

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  (421): And she was only 16? (1-421): You say that like it's a bad thing. http://tfl.nu/zexo
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

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  (713): I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes http://tfl.nu/wjig
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.

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  (540): she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated. http://tfl.nu/qt45
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.

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  (401): I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type. http://tfl.nu/97ap
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.

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  (520): normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees. http://tfl.nu/d0ki
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre

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  (303): im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre http://tfl.nu/07ct
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.

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  (210): Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two. http://tfl.nu/86sn
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.

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  (215): Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come. http://tfl.nu/svxw
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...

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  (519): like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar... http://tfl.nu/2jmm
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.

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  (224): Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little. http://tfl.nu/kc37
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  (830): View more from Texas

  i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...

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  (830): i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone... http://tfl.nu/i2ws
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

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  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.

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  (321): Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked. http://tfl.nu/cr3f
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"

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  (712): Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me" http://tfl.nu/camp
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  (760): View more from California

  We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.

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  (760): We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends. http://tfl.nu/k3i4
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  (516): View more from New York

  i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk

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  (516): i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk http://tfl.nu/o6oo
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1

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  (517): The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1 http://tfl.nu/3zzc
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  (914): View more from New York

  Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

  (1-914): View more from New York

  It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

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  (914): Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk (1-914): It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you http://tfl.nu/bgwq
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  (972): View more from Texas

  If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.

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  (972): If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works. http://tfl.nu/grey
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.

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  (304): Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling. http://tfl.nu/ly52
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally

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  (484): seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally http://tfl.nu/s3gk
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal

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  (215): he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal http://tfl.nu/oaxp
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever

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  (843): you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever http://tfl.nu/z6zx
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...

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  (517): Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions... http://tfl.nu/wg6s
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  (954): View more from Florida

  i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night

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  (954): i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night http://tfl.nu/gokf
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.

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  (913): I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body. (402): Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days? (913): Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm. http://tfl.nu/rpz1
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.

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  (713): I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more. http://tfl.nu/mxjh
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.

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  (860): i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis. http://tfl.nu/7xur
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

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  (330): I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break http://tfl.nu/u8kr
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  (347): View more from New York

  I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.

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  (347): I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there. http://tfl.nu/8ypv
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  (850): View more from Florida

  i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook

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  (850): i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook http://tfl.nu/q3m5
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.

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  (647): Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts. http://tfl.nu/g67r
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.

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  (314): I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people. http://tfl.nu/5ctu
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills

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  (617): everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills http://tfl.nu/tub1
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.

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  (402): next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first. http://tfl.nu/nkj3
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?

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  (757): Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode? http://tfl.nu/1peu
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here

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  (508): Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here http://tfl.nu/nzus
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.

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  (614): If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold. http://tfl.nu/55cb
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  (518): View more from New York

  In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

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  (518): In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it. http://tfl.nu/q114
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
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  (716): View more from New York

  Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen

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  (716): Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen http://tfl.nu/h1qo
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  (516): View more from New York

  she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen

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  (516): she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen http://tfl.nu/pvgu
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.

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  (610): I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity. http://tfl.nu/4je5
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job

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  (301): Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job http://tfl.nu/jdmg
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.

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  (765): my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes. http://tfl.nu/hrf7
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.

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  (765): let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment. http://tfl.nu/novi
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  (850): View more from Florida

  this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen

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  (850): this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen http://tfl.nu/1apt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She tied me up with her honor cords...

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  (608): She tied me up with her honor cords... http://tfl.nu/y0v2
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia

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  (978): I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia http://tfl.nu/pfmm
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.

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  (203): I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season. http://tfl.nu/xinh
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"

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  (862): he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!" http://tfl.nu/rt63
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

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  (317): my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive http://tfl.nu/067t
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.

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  (606): I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel. http://tfl.nu/sip1
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  (512): View more from Texas

  HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?

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  (512): HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter? http://tfl.nu/9l91
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.

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  (434): Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad. http://tfl.nu/ab13
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys

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  (703): look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys http://tfl.nu/ae48
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.

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  (508): I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you. http://tfl.nu/x02i
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits

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  (662): The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits http://tfl.nu/a8f8
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  (406): View more from Montana

  also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)

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  (406): also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome) http://tfl.nu/u3lw
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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  (513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors http://tfl.nu/2p2o
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.

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  (248): ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores. http://tfl.nu/e4hq
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.

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  (678): I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life. http://tfl.nu/5bor
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  (914): View more from New York

  he puts the penis in happiness.

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  (914): he puts the penis in happiness. http://tfl.nu/m0tk
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.

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  (859): you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it. http://tfl.nu/q4is
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

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  (612): I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday. http://tfl.nu/86uh
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.

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  (757): I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis. http://tfl.nu/mahz
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  love makes seman taste better

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  (937): love makes seman taste better http://tfl.nu/bxjy
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office

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  (336): 1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office http://tfl.nu/b4dd
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go

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  (917): Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go http://tfl.nu/7nhi
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.

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  (717): I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this. http://tfl.nu/8qff
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.

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  (248): Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here. http://tfl.nu/bwbb
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.

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  (620): I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful. http://tfl.nu/8ema
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night

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  (919): So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night http://tfl.nu/maqo
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

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  (815): I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse. http://tfl.nu/0lkw
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  (903): View more from Texas

  My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.

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  (903): My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something. http://tfl.nu/fhlb
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter

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  (732): i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter http://tfl.nu/90no
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.

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  (309): And whoever invented the condom should be put to death. http://tfl.nu/pkgn
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.

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  (508): he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that. http://tfl.nu/38s6
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.

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  (610): she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break. http://tfl.nu/sziy
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem

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  (810): none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem http://tfl.nu/6j6s
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear

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  (802): it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear http://tfl.nu/jyif
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???

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  (770): Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives??? http://tfl.nu/8m9c
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl

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  (770): theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl http://tfl.nu/qhni
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

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  (434): NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup. http://tfl.nu/qouj
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

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  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
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  (305): View more from Florida

  If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?

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  (305): If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette? http://tfl.nu/wdb5
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.

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  (410): i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break. http://tfl.nu/ccu2
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.

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  (517): My own mom unfriended me on Facebook. http://tfl.nu/a468
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup

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  (678): So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup http://tfl.nu/agqr
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  (212): View more from New York

  I heard we made out

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  (212): I heard we made out http://tfl.nu/5m1y
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  (941): View more from Florida

  My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

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  (941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that

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  (860): And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that http://tfl.nu/ubil
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  "Monday" is guna come over...

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  but its Thursday?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go

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  (225): "Monday" is guna come over... (1-225): but its Thursday? (225): yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go http://tfl.nu/xdyf
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  (347): View more from New York

  we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  go home

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  (347): we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy (203): go home http://tfl.nu/91uo
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  ; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up

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  (734); Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up http://tfl.nu/ecut
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.

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  (256): so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart. http://tfl.nu/u8db
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

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  (712): Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it. http://tfl.nu/8ikj
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Fuck. Wron person. But yea

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  (770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex (404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut (770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea http://tfl.nu/bsak
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way

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  (251): About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way http://tfl.nu/3xnz
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.

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  (512): We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment. http://tfl.nu/imr3
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  (386): View more from Florida

  i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena

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  (386): i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena http://tfl.nu/u4d0
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night

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  (847): He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night http://tfl.nu/syca
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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  (610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups. http://tfl.nu/xgvv
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You were right. It hurts to walk today.

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  (502): You were right. It hurts to walk today. http://tfl.nu/ur2f
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.

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  (513): I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace. http://tfl.nu/1kl9
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism

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  (724): yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism http://tfl.nu/kj7t
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

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  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

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  (905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae
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  (530): View more from California

  I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

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  (530): I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite http://tfl.nu/1k7e
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  (607): View more from New York

  Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner

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  (607): Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner http://tfl.nu/msbx
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed

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  (604): his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed http://tfl.nu/zsvf
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.

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  (859): Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out. http://tfl.nu/0ttb
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.

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  (402): giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/384y
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

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  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write

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  (985): Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write http://tfl.nu/1t11
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on

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  (864): I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on http://tfl.nu/cdph
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

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  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.

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  (405): I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost. http://tfl.nu/voez
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  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

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  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw

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  (614): There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw http://tfl.nu/mvua
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

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  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  ...is it true? will i see you next weekend

  (248): View more from Michigan

  YES.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us

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  (614): ...is it true? will i see you next weekend (248): YES. (614): ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us http://tfl.nu/m1xt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza

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  (314): 10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza http://tfl.nu/0z5o
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.

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  (580): I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off. http://tfl.nu/wwj4
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  (626): View more from California

  He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.

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  (626): He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is. http://tfl.nu/ui1w
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.

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  (217): Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation. http://tfl.nu/9spz
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants

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  (810): i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants http://tfl.nu/brg7
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.

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  (843): I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/atu5
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy

  (586): View more from Michigan

  But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it

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  (586): I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures (586): I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy (586): But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it http://tfl.nu/x4v2
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I hate bills.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Like ones you have to pay or people named William?

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  (513): I hate bills. (479): Like ones you have to pay or people named William? http://tfl.nu/wp4z
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.

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  (810): just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe. http://tfl.nu/ayww
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.

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  (715): he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut. http://tfl.nu/y3au
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.

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  (828): God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you. http://tfl.nu/4g7v
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  (858): View more from California

  Life is so much better after having sex.

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  (858): Life is so much better after having sex. http://tfl.nu/blju
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

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  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.

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  (828): As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance. http://tfl.nu/tng6
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"

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  (608): imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord" http://tfl.nu/17lg
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.

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  (774): So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish. http://tfl.nu/ywfu
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty

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  (732): please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty http://tfl.nu/l1xo
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.

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  (248): Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german. http://tfl.nu/j5lm
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away

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  (515): How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away<? http://tfl.nu/gea4
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf

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  (810): Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf http://tfl.nu/xleg
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It smells like weed.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.

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  (303): It smells like weed. (720): We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed. http://tfl.nu/w4bb
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

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  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

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  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.

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  (508): Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend. http://tfl.nu/c0jn
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?

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  (205): he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy? http://tfl.nu/nikx
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  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

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  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
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