Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
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