Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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