And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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