radiiate's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough" http://tfl.nu/ficv
  Replies (2) Good night (1072) Bad night (137)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  What is your life?

  (315): View more from New York

  A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): What is your life? (315): A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/196i
  Replies (0) Good night (430) Bad night (119)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome. http://tfl.nu/4io1
  Replies (3) Good night (741) Bad night (152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me http://tfl.nu/6usl
  Replies (8) Good night (1407) Bad night (123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at? http://tfl.nu/qw84
  Replies (7) Good night (392) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady? http://tfl.nu/kyxc
  Replies (6) Good night (680) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms http://tfl.nu/gmys
  Replies (5) Good night (849) Bad night (117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class http://tfl.nu/61qs
  Replies (8) Good night (432) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE http://tfl.nu/oud3
  Replies (2) Good night (485) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing. http://tfl.nu/ca26
  Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened. http://tfl.nu/94yj
  Replies (4) Good night (898) Bad night (167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!! http://tfl.nu/pv1p
  Replies (1) Good night (163) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath" http://tfl.nu/0s5r
  Replies (3) Good night (547) Bad night (136)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Just skip

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Please. i have SOME standards

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day. (501): Just skip (479): Please. i have SOME standards http://tfl.nu/0muv
  Replies (0) Good night (672) Bad night (161)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned. http://tfl.nu/u9a7
  Replies (1) Good night (447) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog. http://tfl.nu/7iet
  Replies (0) Good night (482) Bad night (170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots. http://tfl.nu/rb8t
  Replies (1) Good night (681) Bad night (151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us

  (845): View more from New York

  I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us (845): I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god http://tfl.nu/vq2q
  Replies (1) Good night (776) Bad night (123)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger. http://tfl.nu/07lb
  Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night. http://tfl.nu/j1jk
  Replies (4) Good night (724) Bad night (209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED http://tfl.nu/76ld
  Replies (5) Good night (405) Bad night (135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again. http://tfl.nu/29ts
  Replies (6) Good night (458) Bad night (170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat http://tfl.nu/qvh1
  Replies (3) Good night (527) Bad night (169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer. http://tfl.nu/rbji
  Replies (0) Good night (700) Bad night (145)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): 2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here. http://tfl.nu/53p6
  Replies (3) Good night (776) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat. http://tfl.nu/bfhd
  Replies (5) Good night (563) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float. http://tfl.nu/rjkn
  Replies (3) Good night (848) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?! http://tfl.nu/61is
  Replies (4) Good night (447) Bad night (141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks." http://tfl.nu/iwi5
  Replies (6) Good night (907) Bad night (109)
• Favorite

  (258): View more from

  I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (258): I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state http://tfl.nu/9dxv
  Replies (0) Good night (424) Bad night (131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you http://tfl.nu/56sg
  Replies (1) Good night (860) Bad night (141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process. http://tfl.nu/j8pd
  Replies (1) Good night (465) Bad night (163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling. http://tfl.nu/npes
  Replies (11) Good night (782) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot. (630): I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/l0w2
  Replies (3) Good night (1210) Bad night (201)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas. http://tfl.nu/msox
  Replies (0) Good night (461) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life. http://tfl.nu/3wcp
  Replies (4) Good night (932) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes. (901): But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes. http://tfl.nu/ipaj
  Replies (4) Good night (815) Bad night (164)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high. http://tfl.nu/9q6n
  Replies (3) Good night (850) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents. http://tfl.nu/vksy
  Replies (11) Good night (329) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/y4y3
  Replies (2) Good night (185) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages. http://tfl.nu/bck0
  Replies (2) Good night (525) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I put xanax in the cake batter

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  Did you really? It all makes sense now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I put xanax in the cake batter (1-201): Did you really? It all makes sense now. http://tfl.nu/asjy
  Replies (14) Good night (815) Bad night (184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire http://tfl.nu/9w77
  Replies (6) Good night (696) Bad night (157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me. http://tfl.nu/rp8b
  Replies (5) Good night (676) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich http://tfl.nu/ehbw
  Replies (6) Good night (681) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal. http://tfl.nu/kp6j
  Replies (0) Good night (499) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring. http://tfl.nu/atx5
  Replies (1) Good night (334) Bad night (253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off. http://tfl.nu/yele
  Replies (17) Good night (2752) Bad night (175)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately http://tfl.nu/hiyd
  Replies (2) Good night (533) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?! http://tfl.nu/n7jl
  Replies (4) Good night (209) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time. http://tfl.nu/lxl4
  Replies (4) Good night (450) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers. http://tfl.nu/95mp
  Replies (4) Good night (952) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life. http://tfl.nu/oxrc
  Replies (5) Good night (518) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible. http://tfl.nu/yk56
  Replies (3) Good night (416) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me' http://tfl.nu/i2h1
  Replies (4) Good night (921) Bad night (200)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out. http://tfl.nu/5y00
  Replies (4) Good night (1420) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine" http://tfl.nu/hod3
  Replies (6) Good night (651) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives. http://tfl.nu/s1c1
  Replies (9) Good night (235) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week http://tfl.nu/af2g
  Replies (1) Good night (597) Bad night (158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons. http://tfl.nu/pd60
  Replies (4) Good night (757) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused http://tfl.nu/u6gk
  Replies (3) Good night (562) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face http://tfl.nu/xc5y
  Replies (3) Good night (538) Bad night (141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America. http://tfl.nu/qj0b
  Replies (6) Good night (754) Bad night (192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I wholeheartedly concur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail. (307): I wholeheartedly concur http://tfl.nu/eyej
  Replies (5) Good night (975) Bad night (179)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting. http://tfl.nu/4lzp
  Replies (7) Good night (1219) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  You sprinted into the side of a parked car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): You sprinted into the side of a parked car http://tfl.nu/8ptj
  Replies (0) Good night (719) Bad night (154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist http://tfl.nu/c6mv
  Replies (5) Good night (562) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.

  (1-903): View more from Texas

  Dude I've been in FL since Monday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night. (1-903): Dude I've been in FL since Monday. http://tfl.nu/crr9
  Replies (3) Good night (1954) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It happened again.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): It happened again. (612): What? (651): I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now. http://tfl.nu/fx7i
  Replies (8) Good night (1571) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming. http://tfl.nu/68ul
  Replies (4) Good night (591) Bad night (248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea http://tfl.nu/a1ln
  Replies (7) Good night (248) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.

  (315): View more from New York

  Who is this?!????

  (518): View more from New York

  That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook. (315): Who is this?!???? (518): That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger. http://tfl.nu/487m
  Replies (7) Good night (2876) Bad night (254)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.

  (269): View more from Michigan

  7) Noodle arms: engage

  (269): View more from Michigan

  The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): 1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all. (269): 7) Noodle arms: engage (269): The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right. http://tfl.nu/5w2m
  Replies (8) Good night (1195) Bad night (169)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays! http://tfl.nu/bzpk
  Replies (3) Good night (570) Bad night (186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin. http://tfl.nu/jijz
  Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting? http://tfl.nu/r5ub
  Replies (3) Good night (617) Bad night (138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try. http://tfl.nu/jxdr
  Replies (2) Good night (728) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on http://tfl.nu/2woc
  Replies (5) Good night (656) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap. http://tfl.nu/psf5
  Replies (7) Good night (567) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/o52k
  Replies (6) Good night (708) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter http://tfl.nu/2ljl
  Replies (5) Good night (433) Bad night (152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom? http://tfl.nu/h0sv
  Replies (13) Good night (1403) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts http://tfl.nu/md3j
  Replies (2) Good night (448) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah http://tfl.nu/cx0s
  Replies (2) Good night (279) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning. http://tfl.nu/yefg
  Replies (2) Good night (644) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN. http://tfl.nu/24ey
  Replies (4) Good night (438) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down... http://tfl.nu/qxa1
  Replies (2) Good night (241) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield http://tfl.nu/3a5d
  Replies (7) Good night (1330) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome. http://tfl.nu/6w7h
  Replies (0) Good night (482) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box". http://tfl.nu/z4mv
  Replies (5) Good night (1227) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick? http://tfl.nu/r3gk
  Replies (4) Good night (1264) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I don't trust myself to shower and not drown. http://tfl.nu/sha0
  Replies (3) Good night (267) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital. http://tfl.nu/63us
  Replies (0) Good night (426) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am http://tfl.nu/6fcm
  Replies (0) Good night (505) Bad night (150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE. http://tfl.nu/t2xt
  Replies (3) Good night (425) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea http://tfl.nu/yqel
  Replies (2) Good night (441) Bad night (144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend. http://tfl.nu/4ikn
  Replies (4) Good night (439) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross http://tfl.nu/1tyn
  Replies (0) Good night (828) Bad night (158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.

  (1+44): View more from

  They'll never let you practice medicine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it. (1+44): They'll never let you practice medicine. http://tfl.nu/k98f
  Replies (5) Good night (1328) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train. http://tfl.nu/aqj1
  Replies (1) Good night (927) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN http://tfl.nu/z672
  Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Who is our new insurance provider?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning. (978): Who is our new insurance provider? http://tfl.nu/a2lj
  Replies (3) Good night (622) Bad night (166)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers http://tfl.nu/vamg
  Replies (0) Good night (1557) Bad night (181)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own. http://tfl.nu/8cpw
  Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us http://tfl.nu/diix
  Replies (1) Good night (1210) Bad night (187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots. http://tfl.nu/hhuz
  Replies (5) Good night (634) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  i will live by this rule

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee (1-616): i will live by this rule http://tfl.nu/j6ih
  Replies (5) Good night (649) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal? http://tfl.nu/b8jf
  Replies (16) Good night (865) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break http://tfl.nu/smjb
  Replies (1) Good night (522) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds. http://tfl.nu/t12w
  Replies (3) Good night (536) Bad night (143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta. http://tfl.nu/aprf
  Replies (2) Good night (1224) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.

  (206): View more from Washington

  so that's what that room is for...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows. (206): so that's what that room is for... http://tfl.nu/5gyi
  Replies (5) Good night (837) Bad night (216)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods http://tfl.nu/yq1a
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game http://tfl.nu/sbp7
  Replies (4) Good night (929) Bad night (179)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  What should I say back?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Well, how do you want the conversation to go?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Straight into my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): What should I say back? (1-541): Well, how do you want the conversation to go? (541): Straight into my pants. http://tfl.nu/5wls
  Replies (2) Good night (1383) Bad night (167)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Playing nyquil pong with a cat again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Playing nyquil pong with a cat again http://tfl.nu/9ic0
  Replies (2) Good night (463) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore. http://tfl.nu/x6ui
  Replies (3) Good night (615) Bad night (157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment http://tfl.nu/t2of
  Replies (3) Good night (405) Bad night (186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me http://tfl.nu/n5ey
  Replies (1) Good night (382) Bad night (139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers. http://tfl.nu/n7z5
  Replies (2) Good night (617) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night. http://tfl.nu/s016
  Replies (9) Good night (1284) Bad night (213)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you http://tfl.nu/atej
  Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls. http://tfl.nu/qm6d
  Replies (0) Good night (650) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor (203): WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?! http://tfl.nu/dwzz
  Replies (5) Good night (468) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have http://tfl.nu/kcpe
  Replies (3) Good night (532) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Be safe. And I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND! (1-404): Be safe. And I hate you. http://tfl.nu/32xo
  Replies (3) Good night (1011) Bad night (192)
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+33): If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome. http://tfl.nu/f909
  Replies (6) Good night (1947) Bad night (217)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door? http://tfl.nu/ozrv
  Replies (2) Good night (632) Bad night (170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic. http://tfl.nu/55u8
  Replies (1) Good night (581) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher. http://tfl.nu/t3xh
  Replies (8) Good night (767) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital. http://tfl.nu/hshf
  Replies (2) Good night (785) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night. http://tfl.nu/csqe
  Replies (2) Good night (203) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets" http://tfl.nu/6jbp
  Replies (2) Good night (941) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels. http://tfl.nu/9jex
  Replies (4) Good night (1153) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you http://tfl.nu/d8vu
  Replies (3) Good night (658) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety? http://tfl.nu/ikg5
  Replies (2) Good night (498) Bad night (184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water. http://tfl.nu/3pkl
  Replies (1) Good night (620) Bad night (217)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why did you want to do any of that?

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away. (1-814): Why did you want to do any of that? (814): If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them. http://tfl.nu/bo9q
  Replies (4) Good night (941) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno. http://tfl.nu/rdsm
  Replies (2) Good night (1005) Bad night (164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome! (1-910): No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?! http://tfl.nu/r3ev
  Replies (16) Good night (1391) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips. http://tfl.nu/dsdr
  Replies (4) Good night (538) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy. http://tfl.nu/wb79
  Replies (2) Good night (662) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe. http://tfl.nu/ot23
  Replies (2) Good night (755) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow http://tfl.nu/nndh
  Replies (5) Good night (1024) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer. http://tfl.nu/vs89
  Replies (2) Good night (463) Bad night (215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!! (1-616): BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!! http://tfl.nu/gsty
  Replies (2) Good night (421) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT! http://tfl.nu/78gh
  Replies (5) Good night (1121) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs http://tfl.nu/drl4
  Replies (2) Good night (1201) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Nothing says love like couples STD testing

  (972): View more from Texas

  Nothing says breakup like the results

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Nothing says love like couples STD testing (972): Nothing says breakup like the results http://tfl.nu/3283
  Replies (6) Good night (1320) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones. http://tfl.nu/qrwe
  Replies (5) Good night (975) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation. http://tfl.nu/rbh2
  Replies (1) Good night (475) Bad night (260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (655): View more from

  Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (655): Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall? http://tfl.nu/cvrt
  Replies (12) Good night (1610) Bad night (221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST http://tfl.nu/fj6v
  Replies (6) Good night (364) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice. http://tfl.nu/xvwn
  Replies (0) Good night (546) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight. http://tfl.nu/c5kp
  Replies (4) Good night (585) Bad night (282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma http://tfl.nu/5uqx
  Replies (7) Good night (304) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can. http://tfl.nu/1yox
  Replies (4) Good night (494) Bad night (233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What drugs are we doing when you visit?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): What drugs are we doing when you visit? (1-402): The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles. http://tfl.nu/97ps
  Replies (2) Good night (908) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice. http://tfl.nu/yhhi
  Replies (6) Good night (1129) Bad night (203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America http://tfl.nu/e24l
  Replies (7) Good night (763) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/9qof
  Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover http://tfl.nu/mvwr
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/4yrh
  Replies (2) Good night (1118) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me http://tfl.nu/myp4
  Replies (1) Good night (801) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus? http://tfl.nu/amrt
  Replies (3) Good night (181) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  It has heated floors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom? (1-574): It has heated floors http://tfl.nu/xj5h
  Replies (4) Good night (1427) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine. http://tfl.nu/qh5s
  Replies (2) Good night (1000) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast. http://tfl.nu/j3y3
  Replies (0) Good night (1034) Bad night (160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me. http://tfl.nu/smua
  Replies (4) Good night (1294) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve http://tfl.nu/cdxu
  Replies (1) Good night (1080) Bad night (169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  you have the best friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze (1-512): you have the best friends http://tfl.nu/c4bj
  Replies (4) Good night (2315) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you http://tfl.nu/rkbn
  Replies (11) Good night (1826) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus? http://tfl.nu/r0fm
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck http://tfl.nu/mv3p
  Replies (3) Good night (464) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila. http://tfl.nu/habz
  Replies (3) Good night (487) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible. http://tfl.nu/imqp
  Replies (3) Good night (736) Bad night (207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom http://tfl.nu/04zu
  Replies (2) Good night (1127) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor. http://tfl.nu/pagf
  Replies (1) Good night (630) Bad night (153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load http://tfl.nu/2y1d
  Replies (6) Good night (817) Bad night (277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell http://tfl.nu/i2t1
  Replies (10) Good night (1481) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka. http://tfl.nu/ytpq
  Replies (8) Good night (1004) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING http://tfl.nu/cx17
  Replies (3) Good night (456) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.

  (1-925): View more from California

  How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night. (1-925): How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure? http://tfl.nu/pvre
  Replies (13) Good night (1125) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Who showers for four hours?!

  (760): View more from California

  It was like a tropical nap.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Who showers for four hours?! (760): It was like a tropical nap. http://tfl.nu/5ez6
  Replies (4) Good night (1127) Bad night (185)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys http://tfl.nu/n2sm
  Replies (7) Good night (664) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys http://tfl.nu/88rh
  Replies (10) Good night (1269) Bad night (207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us http://tfl.nu/f6nz
  Replies (3) Good night (850) Bad night (148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment. http://tfl.nu/8gpy
  Replies (8) Good night (1944) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica http://tfl.nu/yubm
  Replies (4) Good night (942) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch. http://tfl.nu/nw9o
  Replies (2) Good night (882) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right? http://tfl.nu/jd9g
  Replies (2) Good night (664) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool (1-303): We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern http://tfl.nu/3irm
  Replies (8) Good night (620) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities http://tfl.nu/jkst
  Replies (4) Good night (916) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone. http://tfl.nu/tcs7
  Replies (13) Good night (560) Bad night (1717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it. (1-614): I can bring a slip n slide and curtains. http://tfl.nu/1p4g
  Replies (5) Good night (720) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really. (412): And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk http://tfl.nu/08bn
  Replies (7) Good night (1453) Bad night (220)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT http://tfl.nu/g173
  Replies (21) Good night (436) Bad night (223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass... http://tfl.nu/ix5i
  Replies (4) Good night (519) Bad night (283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like

  (972): View more from Texas

  Why do you text me weird shit like this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like (972): Why do you text me weird shit like this? http://tfl.nu/hcc5
  Replies (5) Good night (937) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one http://tfl.nu/3p0c
  Replies (1) Good night (815) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't. http://tfl.nu/dn0x
  Replies (4) Good night (814) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS http://tfl.nu/wcsc
  Replies (4) Good night (686) Bad night (132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now. http://tfl.nu/crnu
  Replies (2) Good night (268) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet http://tfl.nu/z0gl
  Replies (0) Good night (611) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid." http://tfl.nu/wv53
  Replies (4) Good night (1601) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids? http://tfl.nu/tder
  Replies (3) Good night (515) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob. http://tfl.nu/g13n
  Replies (7) Good night (852) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I seemed to have misplaced my pants...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?.... (1-540): I seemed to have misplaced my pants... http://tfl.nu/s4v6
  Replies (5) Good night (835) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window. http://tfl.nu/ast5
  Replies (10) Good night (1125) Bad night (149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I was emotionally compromised.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really? (423): I was emotionally compromised. http://tfl.nu/irpq
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun?? http://tfl.nu/lwzi
  Replies (3) Good night (730) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (298): View more from

  The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You're the only meteorologist I listen to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (298): The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations. (208): You're the only meteorologist I listen to. http://tfl.nu/2k8s
  Replies (3) Good night (1716) Bad night (193)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore. (508): Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth http://tfl.nu/ay7w
  Replies (2) Good night (1484) Bad night (206)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here " http://tfl.nu/afkn
  Replies (8) Good night (2802) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon http://tfl.nu/se3x
  Replies (9) Good night (1907) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks. http://tfl.nu/6laj
  Replies (4) Good night (1550) Bad night (211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package. http://tfl.nu/50h2
  Replies (3) Good night (784) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels. http://tfl.nu/3182
  Replies (3) Good night (172) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember.. http://tfl.nu/rkzm
  Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success. http://tfl.nu/ql3l
  Replies (6) Good night (487) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it. http://tfl.nu/49t8
  Replies (0) Good night (582) Bad night (159)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now. http://tfl.nu/iew9
  Replies (1) Good night (1126) Bad night (166)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless http://tfl.nu/wr07
  Replies (0) Good night (563) Bad night (207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aren't you gay?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college (267): Aren't you gay? (215): IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME http://tfl.nu/3fr7
  Replies (5) Good night (2748) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed http://tfl.nu/f7du
  Replies (1) Good night (748) Bad night (186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.

  (360): View more from Washington

  1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits. (360): 1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you http://tfl.nu/1254
  Replies (9) Good night (2138) Bad night (250)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home. (1-720): I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that. http://tfl.nu/5b3q
  Replies (23) Good night (1510) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent http://tfl.nu/17u7
  Replies (0) Good night (756) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout. http://tfl.nu/imuz
  Replies (1) Good night (445) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused. http://tfl.nu/f355
  Replies (7) Good night (1954) Bad night (203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears. http://tfl.nu/w8ll
  Replies (1) Good night (368) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts. http://tfl.nu/39iy
  Replies (5) Good night (1073) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal. http://tfl.nu/2v18
  Replies (0) Good night (352) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning. http://tfl.nu/k0jr
  Replies (3) Good night (478) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp http://tfl.nu/ovgv
  Replies (3) Good night (618) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories... http://tfl.nu/532k
  Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five. http://tfl.nu/ztzm
  Replies (1) Good night (441) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick http://tfl.nu/e696
  Replies (6) Good night (602) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk? http://tfl.nu/ufjz
  Replies (5) Good night (735) Bad night (220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle? http://tfl.nu/3yux
  Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (179)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right http://tfl.nu/o2q4
  Replies (3) Good night (486) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore" http://tfl.nu/phr6
  Replies (2) Good night (428) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  You gays are geniuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now (1-931): You gays are geniuses http://tfl.nu/19l5
  Replies (6) Good night (1297) Bad night (235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er? http://tfl.nu/auy8
  Replies (6) Good night (531) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy. http://tfl.nu/ige6
  Replies (4) Good night (1386) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill. http://tfl.nu/tqj8
  Replies (2) Good night (1162) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box. http://tfl.nu/hoaw
  Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be there in a few.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'M COUNTING TO FEW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I'll be there in a few. (717): I'M COUNTING TO FEW. http://tfl.nu/nvfq
  Replies (5) Good night (824) Bad night (150)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED http://tfl.nu/eqdp
  Replies (6) Good night (1358) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say. http://tfl.nu/uumg
  Replies (4) Good night (703) Bad night (142)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Tuesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you... (860): Tuesday http://tfl.nu/gel8
  Replies (4) Good night (1525) Bad night (217)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt. http://tfl.nu/hm2f
  Replies (3) Good night (685) Bad night (163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013 http://tfl.nu/22ta
  Replies (4) Good night (524) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on http://tfl.nu/wdzm
  Replies (5) Good night (323) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We were destined to go to rehab together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): We were destined to go to rehab together http://tfl.nu/ewf5
  Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work. http://tfl.nu/3b5u
  Replies (8) Good night (1425) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON http://tfl.nu/ic7e
  Replies (17) Good night (1337) Bad night (202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one? (1-706): You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome. http://tfl.nu/97og
  Replies (4) Good night (740) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans. http://tfl.nu/t9r6
  Replies (5) Good night (614) Bad night (130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots http://tfl.nu/2b0r
  Replies (4) Good night (491) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Question: trumpet bong. Can it work. http://tfl.nu/hpw0
  Replies (8) Good night (600) Bad night (169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.

  (813): View more from Florida

  You always make things weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower. (813): You always make things weird. http://tfl.nu/1vvg
  Replies (6) Good night (879) Bad night (187)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra? http://tfl.nu/q2ra
  Replies (4) Good night (455) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/m69e
  Replies (3) Good night (434) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink? http://tfl.nu/kn1e
  Replies (15) Good night (754) Bad night (264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick. http://tfl.nu/t0hp
  Replies (6) Good night (823) Bad night (192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that. http://tfl.nu/hsrb
  Replies (5) Good night (329) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower" http://tfl.nu/qx3d
  Replies (7) Good night (818) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You texted me a picture of your face along with #help

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): You texted me a picture of your face along with #help http://tfl.nu/jxdb
  Replies (2) Good night (647) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (13468) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (17951) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (38421) Bad night (3073)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Are sex swings allowed in dorms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Are sex swings allowed in dorms http://tfl.nu/achv
  Replies (7) Good night (892) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I like the wholesome side of you

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I like the wholesome side of you (571): I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots. http://tfl.nu/22ah
  Replies (3) Good night (1240) Bad night (205)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  was it you?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  ...yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store (203): was it you? (802): ...yes http://tfl.nu/br4h
  Replies (7) Good night (2153) Bad night (229)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you http://tfl.nu/2xma
  Replies (2) Good night (693) Bad night (180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car http://tfl.nu/t9eq
  Replies (1) Good night (598) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram. http://tfl.nu/54ok
  Replies (2) Good night (860) Bad night (203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass http://tfl.nu/kkwh
  Replies (1) Good night (906) Bad night (147)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Can I get that on a shirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her. (1-205): Can I get that on a shirt http://tfl.nu/a8yc
  Replies (5) Good night (956) Bad night (164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style. http://tfl.nu/g3nw
  Replies (3) Good night (972) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you. http://tfl.nu/su7n
  Replies (11) Good night (2760) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend. http://tfl.nu/wf6o
  Replies (6) Good night (867) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex. http://tfl.nu/pzxj
  Replies (5) Good night (1626) Bad night (202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances" http://tfl.nu/1xse
  Replies (2) Good night (953) Bad night (162)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights http://tfl.nu/nkhu
  Replies (3) Good night (626) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck http://tfl.nu/28kh
  Replies (6) Good night (1129) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay... http://tfl.nu/3ns8
  Replies (9) Good night (240) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions http://tfl.nu/xeve
  Replies (4) Good night (817) Bad night (203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf http://tfl.nu/j0ls
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well! http://tfl.nu/91dr
  Replies (3) Good night (520) Bad night (210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7 http://tfl.nu/lqxi
  Replies (4) Good night (878) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question http://tfl.nu/9vj8
  Replies (12) Good night (1298) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Put some vodka in it

  (424): View more from California

  Its 7am

  (323): View more from California

  put some vodka in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Put some vodka in it (424): Its 7am (323): put some vodka in it http://tfl.nu/mu2b
  Replies (7) Good night (1630) Bad night (194)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad http://tfl.nu/s23a
  Replies (5) Good night (974) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in. http://tfl.nu/lkgb
  Replies (12) Good night (969) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (127) Good night (127094) Bad night (2832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real http://tfl.nu/3eg3
  Replies (2) Good night (876) Bad night (187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated? http://tfl.nu/6luu
  Replies (2) Good night (502) Bad night (186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left. http://tfl.nu/7vi5
  Replies (4) Good night (1031) Bad night (171)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade. http://tfl.nu/28nt
  Replies (0) Good night (498) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts. http://tfl.nu/fqt4
  Replies (2) Good night (558) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late http://tfl.nu/ovyj
  Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (198)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning. http://tfl.nu/rdpv
  Replies (0) Good night (288) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Are we in any of the areas with tornados?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Are we in any of the areas with tornados? (931): Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/dq1c
  Replies (2) Good night (755) Bad night (176)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation. http://tfl.nu/xoud
  Replies (2) Good night (633) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics http://tfl.nu/x92g
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care http://tfl.nu/shwc
  Replies (1) Good night (1191) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What happened to my knees?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): What happened to my knees? (1-919): You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded. http://tfl.nu/49nz
  Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me. http://tfl.nu/s96j
  Replies (3) Good night (815) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker" http://tfl.nu/29yd
  Replies (0) Good night (503) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (353) Good night (7746) Bad night (48315)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (275) Good night (4054) Bad night (68267)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4824) Bad night (101287)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going? http://tfl.nu/zcy2
  Replies (0) Good night (268) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it. http://tfl.nu/9g38
  Replies (0) Good night (612) Bad night (229)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors http://tfl.nu/85u5
  Replies (3) Good night (374) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  I thank god almighty everyday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas (1-918): I thank god almighty everyday http://tfl.nu/mbi3
  Replies (18) Good night (1189) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver http://tfl.nu/fqhq
  Replies (2) Good night (790) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours. http://tfl.nu/k3ze
  Replies (9) Good night (978) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me. http://tfl.nu/axuf
  Replies (10) Good night (291) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it. http://tfl.nu/rbw2
  Replies (4) Good night (1184) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): 6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class. http://tfl.nu/7ju6
  Replies (2) Good night (698) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T. http://tfl.nu/y888
  Replies (4) Good night (1300) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid. http://tfl.nu/r9er
  Replies (6) Good night (718) Bad night (261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset. http://tfl.nu/b5mu
  Replies (3) Good night (454) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Is cereal technically a soup?

  (310): View more from California

  Fuck, I'm high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Is cereal technically a soup? (310): Fuck, I'm high. http://tfl.nu/od51
  Replies (9) Good night (1285) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots http://tfl.nu/pvb5
  Replies (3) Good night (580) Bad night (238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth. http://tfl.nu/h368
  Replies (11) Good night (2424) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours. http://tfl.nu/ipen
  Replies (9) Good night (2351) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong. http://tfl.nu/luq5
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye? http://tfl.nu/90tu
  Replies (6) Good night (692) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food. http://tfl.nu/oef6
  Replies (11) Good night (890) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  The second I see you we're shot gunning beers

  (1-315): View more from New York

  It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning

  (315): View more from New York

  And your point is?

  (1-315): View more from New York

  Marry me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): The second I see you we're shot gunning beers (1-315): It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning (315): And your point is? (1-315): Marry me http://tfl.nu/zcdd
  Replies (2) Good night (1261) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You left wolverine marks

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm somewhere between sorry and proud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): You left wolverine marks (1-910): I'm somewhere between sorry and proud http://tfl.nu/d8w1
  Replies (2) Good night (1296) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business. http://tfl.nu/a4r2
  Replies (5) Good night (1962) Bad night (270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.

  (415): View more from California

  I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT. (415): I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext http://tfl.nu/qb0z
  Replies (7) Good night (2300) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats. http://tfl.nu/orv1
  Replies (4) Good night (559) Bad night (214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you. http://tfl.nu/hk53
  Replies (5) Good night (895) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon. http://tfl.nu/bx6h
  Replies (5) Good night (1620) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom http://tfl.nu/wuli
  Replies (11) Good night (2263) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/rb5a
  Replies (4) Good night (1738) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Basically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god. (1-918): Basically. http://tfl.nu/nlil
  Replies (8) Good night (2590) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody. http://tfl.nu/x371
  Replies (1) Good night (606) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey. (410): By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey! http://tfl.nu/tmhf
  Replies (15) Good night (2227) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  ... and if i was..

  (213): View more from California

  Fuck. You.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten. (201): ... and if i was.. (213): Fuck. You. http://tfl.nu/ty6i
  Replies (5) Good night (1520) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move. http://tfl.nu/stfw
  Replies (5) Good night (719) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart (763): Die. http://tfl.nu/kmyn
  Replies (11) Good night (606) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty. http://tfl.nu/rx6s
  Replies (2) Good night (634) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it. http://tfl.nu/0iyi
  Replies (18) Good night (3540) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  We can put you in charge of something

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): We can put you in charge of something (1-214): I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous http://tfl.nu/dlb7
  Replies (3) Good night (1008) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  How on earth did you break your wrist?

  (1-530): View more from California

  I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): How on earth did you break your wrist? (1-530): I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing http://tfl.nu/cks1
  Replies (2) Good night (1433) Bad night (240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high. http://tfl.nu/rjps
  Replies (2) Good night (1075) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount." http://tfl.nu/nxe2
  Replies (5) Good night (2530) Bad night (250)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween http://tfl.nu/seas
  Replies (3) Good night (685) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky. http://tfl.nu/gdoe
  Replies (2) Good night (270) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus. http://tfl.nu/psky
  Replies (7) Good night (750) Bad night (305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up. http://tfl.nu/ge7g
  Replies (4) Good night (317) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy http://tfl.nu/fuzq
  Replies (2) Good night (843) Bad night (207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...

  (226): View more from Ontario

  did I at least say anything...

  (519): View more from Ontario

  you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom... (226): did I at least say anything... (519): you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living http://tfl.nu/vjjh
  Replies (6) Good night (1808) Bad night (250)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears http://tfl.nu/h30c
  Replies (21) Good night (7141) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear. http://tfl.nu/l3zn
  Replies (40) Good night (5401) Bad night (1138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks. http://tfl.nu/8rn4
  Replies (17) Good night (5711) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way (1-717): you don't. http://tfl.nu/p0es
  Replies (15) Good night (5755) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (5960) Bad night (1516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (7138) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you are way too vulgar to be a girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION? (410): you are way too vulgar to be a girl http://tfl.nu/3shx
  Replies (20) Good night (7993) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be http://tfl.nu/0ihg
  Replies (59) Good night (8072) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Who goes to Church hungover

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Who goes to Church hungover (717): Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk http://tfl.nu/g7sy
  Replies (42) Good night (14613) Bad night (1224)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS. http://tfl.nu/33fz
  Replies (9) Good night (884) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced. http://tfl.nu/5tm9
  Replies (5) Good night (281) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out http://tfl.nu/mgiw
  Replies (9) Good night (1255) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess http://tfl.nu/u340
  Replies (7) Good night (319) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (835): View more from Pennsylvania

  You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (835): You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood" http://tfl.nu/u3xk
  Replies (2) Good night (1159) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random. http://tfl.nu/wx0e
  Replies (7) Good night (1163) Bad night (289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me? http://tfl.nu/5yrh
  Replies (4) Good night (1134) Bad night (209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.

  (1-770): View more from Georgia

  You're a good friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that. (1-770): You're a good friend. http://tfl.nu/ln0z
  Replies (2) Good night (1073) Bad night (220)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Wat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday. (763): like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo (612): Wat http://tfl.nu/5jqo
  Replies (5) Good night (1507) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help http://tfl.nu/q76e
  Replies (6) Good night (1399) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud. http://tfl.nu/je7g
  Replies (2) Good night (1556) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic http://tfl.nu/zs06
  Replies (8) Good night (1138) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO http://tfl.nu/0cgy
  Replies (7) Good night (2357) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess. http://tfl.nu/eyc8
  Replies (3) Good night (910) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Post that event on your timeline

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina (513): Post that event on your timeline http://tfl.nu/4t95
  Replies (31) Good night (1521) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies. http://tfl.nu/geoh
  Replies (13) Good night (1153) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me http://tfl.nu/sahk
  Replies (19) Good night (1646) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess. http://tfl.nu/6wvy
  Replies (14) Good night (561) Bad night (1879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from." http://tfl.nu/m6hb
  Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter. http://tfl.nu/mtk4
  Replies (1) Good night (975) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us" http://tfl.nu/w1ue
  Replies (1) Good night (1011) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge" http://tfl.nu/puda
  Replies (5) Good night (591) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now. http://tfl.nu/bdx8
  Replies (7) Good night (1448) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you. http://tfl.nu/sg3o
  Replies (7) Good night (959) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/2s7h
  Replies (9) Good night (1398) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end.. http://tfl.nu/ockn
  Replies (19) Good night (418) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey http://tfl.nu/q901
  Replies (10) Good night (1564) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina http://tfl.nu/ymsd
  Replies (2) Good night (372) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life. http://tfl.nu/jtja
  Replies (8) Good night (2501) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  The cops raided her house the day before class even started

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  Those assholes are becoming so efficient

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): The cops raided her house the day before class even started (1-917): Those assholes are becoming so efficient http://tfl.nu/vbsh
  Replies (4) Good night (987) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again http://tfl.nu/n6kd
  Replies (29) Good night (1765) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out. (303): Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do. http://tfl.nu/z2aq
  Replies (3) Good night (1890) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on. http://tfl.nu/zmme
  Replies (17) Good night (3412) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden http://tfl.nu/u7tp
  Replies (11) Good night (1820) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot. http://tfl.nu/64ct
  Replies (14) Good night (2271) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs. http://tfl.nu/0hn1
  Replies (6) Good night (737) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt