So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
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