Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
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