We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
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