So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
