lehcar9's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head. http://tfl.nu/rwbn
  Replies (11) Good night (2476) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino. http://tfl.nu/qmu0
  Replies (5) Good night (944) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex... http://tfl.nu/wlmu
  Replies (12) Good night (2614) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon. http://tfl.nu/2nq9
  Replies (13) Good night (1250) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener? http://tfl.nu/3402
  Replies (3) Good night (1187) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday! http://tfl.nu/vtjz
  Replies (2) Good night (930) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me. http://tfl.nu/0i4v
  Replies (17) Good night (403) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/5ljo
  Replies (3) Good night (935) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious http://tfl.nu/b9mo
  Replies (5) Good night (659) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy? http://tfl.nu/wl4s
  Replies (13) Good night (2111) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me? http://tfl.nu/bgzy
  Replies (9) Good night (438) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know. http://tfl.nu/o6il
  Replies (2) Good night (1344) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke http://tfl.nu/8yqx
  Replies (3) Good night (758) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology. http://tfl.nu/e8xh
  Replies (8) Good night (3647) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it. http://tfl.nu/eptf
  Replies (6) Good night (1830) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me http://tfl.nu/lsz4
  Replies (16) Good night (2770) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun". http://tfl.nu/e6oo
  Replies (8) Good night (3170) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:( http://tfl.nu/8u7z
  Replies (12) Good night (350) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Can I color on your dick again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Can I color on your dick again? http://tfl.nu/t2pd
  Replies (12) Good night (1190) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best http://tfl.nu/exu8
  Replies (6) Good night (1482) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced. http://tfl.nu/7rns
  Replies (13) Good night (2009) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa. http://tfl.nu/hvqf
  Replies (4) Good night (1188) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out http://tfl.nu/pkwm
  Replies (3) Good night (1148) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition. http://tfl.nu/iv4o
  Replies (20) Good night (2553) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked. http://tfl.nu/50u7
  Replies (8) Good night (2176) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed? http://tfl.nu/ow4j
  Replies (5) Good night (1273) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag http://tfl.nu/a7zv
  Replies (5) Good night (1451) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.

  (844): View more from

  Oh its going to be that type of weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Bring my gorilla suit and my bong. (844): Oh its going to be that type of weekend? http://tfl.nu/0lse
  Replies (5) Good night (2260) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories. http://tfl.nu/6f6h
  Replies (15) Good night (1577) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  How external is "for external use only"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): How external is "for external use only"? http://tfl.nu/650o
  Replies (16) Good night (645) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies. http://tfl.nu/al7b
  Replies (2) Good night (1754) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic http://tfl.nu/rfl3
  Replies (5) Good night (2413) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates. http://tfl.nu/i6q4
  Replies (4) Good night (1598) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream http://tfl.nu/n2ta
  Replies (12) Good night (2374) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you? http://tfl.nu/qb3x
  Replies (26) Good night (688) Bad night (2266)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling? http://tfl.nu/57n3
  Replies (8) Good night (418) Bad night (1650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week http://tfl.nu/5fel
  Replies (15) Good night (1904) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person. http://tfl.nu/kj3e
  Replies (5) Good night (2387) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib http://tfl.nu/rp9w
  Replies (12) Good night (1442) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you. http://tfl.nu/cw12
  Replies (26) Good night (5364) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin! http://tfl.nu/i1tl
  Replies (18) Good night (1383) Bad night (2039)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you. http://tfl.nu/pksa
  Replies (6) Good night (4550) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  and you said he wasn't worth calling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer. (1-515): and you said he wasn't worth calling. http://tfl.nu/rvi9
  Replies (17) Good night (1759) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie." http://tfl.nu/jevy
  Replies (38) Good night (3527) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college? http://tfl.nu/c66r
  Replies (8) Good night (1573) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick http://tfl.nu/ka5e
  Replies (20) Good night (1604) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present... http://tfl.nu/f3rc
  Replies (8) Good night (510) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place http://tfl.nu/skdk
  Replies (11) Good night (1666) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out. http://tfl.nu/o8je
  Replies (4) Good night (1486) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down. http://tfl.nu/p7qt
  Replies (15) Good night (1936) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy http://tfl.nu/irre
  Replies (8) Good night (808) Bad night (2502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable. http://tfl.nu/22ca
  Replies (21) Good night (4025) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery. http://tfl.nu/adx0
  Replies (7) Good night (1557) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays http://tfl.nu/ccn1
  Replies (3) Good night (1121) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus. http://tfl.nu/4ptg
  Replies (18) Good night (2839) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year? http://tfl.nu/u8i3
  Replies (10) Good night (2409) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years. http://tfl.nu/h8vw
  Replies (8) Good night (1834) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me. http://tfl.nu/wgh1
  Replies (11) Good night (1954) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Wheres my essay?

  (415): View more from California

  You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Wheres my essay? (415): You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway? http://tfl.nu/m6g1
  Replies (8) Good night (795) Bad night (1980)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea http://tfl.nu/bucj
  Replies (8) Good night (1357) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups. http://tfl.nu/yjoi
  Replies (5) Good night (1150) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear. http://tfl.nu/k7jc
  Replies (18) Good night (3542) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that?? http://tfl.nu/2mxl
  Replies (9) Good night (1563) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch. http://tfl.nu/rrk7
  Replies (7) Good night (2808) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk. http://tfl.nu/79dj
  Replies (4) Good night (1997) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world. (504): That's so nerdy and hot at the same time. http://tfl.nu/tw1i
  Replies (2) Good night (2309) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now http://tfl.nu/l7gb
  Replies (11) Good night (3442) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait. http://tfl.nu/bv41
  Replies (15) Good night (2696) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background http://tfl.nu/seul
  Replies (10) Good night (2162) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm? http://tfl.nu/cxi2
  Replies (7) Good night (3362) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room. http://tfl.nu/ss1c
  Replies (19) Good night (2481) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER http://tfl.nu/38g6
  Replies (28) Good night (759) Bad night (3525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight... http://tfl.nu/5hx6
  Replies (33) Good night (1167) Bad night (4976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it. http://tfl.nu/0zar
  Replies (11) Good night (2590) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours. http://tfl.nu/ireg
  Replies (4) Good night (1978) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  well in DOG beers, i've only had one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): well in DOG beers, i've only had one http://tfl.nu/2mnf
  Replies (20) Good night (5301) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina http://tfl.nu/ae28
  Replies (10) Good night (2765) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/0c0z
  Replies (4) Good night (2063) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."? http://tfl.nu/ptvq
  Replies (18) Good night (2418) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  im sober

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): im sober (920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive http://tfl.nu/hm58
  Replies (3) Good night (2308) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea. http://tfl.nu/863y
  Replies (4) Good night (771) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you. http://tfl.nu/b7m8
  Replies (6) Good night (1662) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.

  (1-714): View more from California

  If he was naked that was me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed. (1-714): If he was naked that was me. http://tfl.nu/ou2y
  Replies (10) Good night (4615) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants. http://tfl.nu/3mi5
  Replies (4) Good night (1891) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick" http://tfl.nu/v34k
  Replies (18) Good night (4616) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it. http://tfl.nu/03xs
  Replies (2) Good night (1877) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, you are the most awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket. (1-704): I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court. (704): Dude, you are the most awesome. http://tfl.nu/z7ku
  Replies (17) Good night (2980) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends http://tfl.nu/0e7c
  Replies (22) Good night (1760) Bad night (1655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it. http://tfl.nu/1xwb
  Replies (12) Good night (4209) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (377): View more from

  I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (377): I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick" http://tfl.nu/h7rr
  Replies (9) Good night (2173) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible. http://tfl.nu/tds6
  Replies (14) Good night (1509) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right? http://tfl.nu/pxhk
  Replies (7) Good night (1327) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4
  Replies (13) Good night (3260) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants http://tfl.nu/ctb5
  Replies (4) Good night (1662) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight http://tfl.nu/yocu
  Replies (20) Good night (702) Bad night (4086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks http://tfl.nu/ak2u
  Replies (9) Good night (2289) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot? http://tfl.nu/quvh
  Replies (22) Good night (741) Bad night (2835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life. http://tfl.nu/0spe
  Replies (9) Good night (2031) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names. http://tfl.nu/wmoo
  Replies (11) Good night (1750) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?

  (727): View more from Florida

  Only if you say it like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend? (727): Only if you say it like that. http://tfl.nu/7x70
  Replies (5) Good night (1590) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored. http://tfl.nu/wqg4
  Replies (11) Good night (2768) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?" http://tfl.nu/acel
  Replies (7) Good night (2582) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever. http://tfl.nu/hma8
  Replies (23) Good night (2606) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere. http://tfl.nu/srvw
  Replies (9) Good night (3395) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.

  (210): View more from Texas

  It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Is your card paying for my plan b?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender. (210): It was my card, so what do you care that you lost? (512): Is your card paying for my plan b? http://tfl.nu/703j
  Replies (12) Good night (1183) Bad night (2660)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  How have you survived this long?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever. (1-479): How have you survived this long? (479): Dumb luck and a deal with the devil. http://tfl.nu/0es8
  Replies (9) Good night (3085) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy http://tfl.nu/o6e5
  Replies (7) Good night (2959) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs http://tfl.nu/bews
  Replies (12) Good night (1169) Bad night (1827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman http://tfl.nu/b7v2
  Replies (6) Good night (1876) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT http://tfl.nu/bpk7
  Replies (19) Good night (2216) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas. http://tfl.nu/cnc6
  Replies (13) Good night (3158) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  your like the ambassador to my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): your like the ambassador to my penis. http://tfl.nu/t18m
  Replies (8) Good night (1368) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking http://tfl.nu/6gnv
  Replies (15) Good night (2361) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that? http://tfl.nu/m9eq
  Replies (6) Good night (2205) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman. http://tfl.nu/emjq
  Replies (5) Good night (2653) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/v5hf
  Replies (41) Good night (7974) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you. http://tfl.nu/6utw
  Replies (18) Good night (2783) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be http://tfl.nu/jh2s
  Replies (11) Good night (594) Bad night (2536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently http://tfl.nu/ky82
  Replies (78) Good night (884) Bad night (3406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along. http://tfl.nu/kb7d
  Replies (13) Good night (3053) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green. http://tfl.nu/e68o
  Replies (13) Good night (4044) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply (1-414): I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday http://tfl.nu/j6sm
  Replies (10) Good night (4935) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka. http://tfl.nu/40xv
  Replies (4) Good night (2346) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes? http://tfl.nu/b80v
  Replies (6) Good night (2077) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional http://tfl.nu/y54e
  Replies (2) Good night (536) Bad night (1968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am. http://tfl.nu/mad5
  Replies (7) Good night (1446) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this http://tfl.nu/2qka
  Replies (2) Good night (1294) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket. http://tfl.nu/jk3k
  Replies (10) Good night (2673) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Show him your tits if he says no

  (1-209): View more from California

  They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Show him your tits if he says no (1-209): They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits. http://tfl.nu/0j62
  Replies (8) Good night (1953) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.

  (917): View more from New York City

  So many issues. You honestly need help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in. (917): So many issues. You honestly need help. http://tfl.nu/cv7o
  Replies (10) Good night (2356) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession http://tfl.nu/yu57
  Replies (5) Good night (2251) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'? http://tfl.nu/kmm3
  Replies (10) Good night (2191) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates. http://tfl.nu/w536
  Replies (8) Good night (2633) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'. http://tfl.nu/4pwa
  Replies (10) Good night (5325) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face. http://tfl.nu/wypl
  Replies (9) Good night (3011) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather. http://tfl.nu/kdej
  Replies (10) Good night (2890) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters? http://tfl.nu/uly0
  Replies (3) Good night (2186) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me http://tfl.nu/adub
  Replies (6) Good night (3957) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness. http://tfl.nu/4wfs
  Replies (12) Good night (2793) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it. http://tfl.nu/3ywv
  Replies (25) Good night (5405) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida! http://tfl.nu/oplt
  Replies (13) Good night (3658) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes. http://tfl.nu/x8cz
  Replies (5) Good night (2328) Bad night (1156)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay... http://tfl.nu/071o
  Replies (6) Good night (1996) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof http://tfl.nu/eyc5
  Replies (7) Good night (2444) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo http://tfl.nu/o3pc
  Replies (11) Good night (2011) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I had to brake up with him.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  In my experience drinking helps.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You dont want to know why?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Not really. I want to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I had to brake up with him. (602): In my experience drinking helps. (480): You dont want to know why? (602): Not really. I want to drink. http://tfl.nu/mwqo
  Replies (27) Good night (4470) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right?? http://tfl.nu/yy40
  Replies (32) Good night (3845) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism. http://tfl.nu/ixxa
  Replies (15) Good night (2309) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure. http://tfl.nu/tlfm
  Replies (5) Good night (1006) Bad night (1623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated? (903): Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake... http://tfl.nu/fy7y
  Replies (5) Good night (2354) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar http://tfl.nu/fy9n
  Replies (6) Good night (3062) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous. http://tfl.nu/nx97
  Replies (13) Good night (2375) Bad night (1269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/yiek
  Replies (8) Good night (910) Bad night (2010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog http://tfl.nu/oh2n
  Replies (16) Good night (2681) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP http://tfl.nu/30gs
  Replies (6) Good night (3226) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU. http://tfl.nu/h1az
  Replies (10) Good night (2167) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream," http://tfl.nu/rf9x
  Replies (8) Good night (3395) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.." http://tfl.nu/n3mo
  Replies (4) Good night (3108) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on http://tfl.nu/movk
  Replies (5) Good night (2176) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why did I wake up holding food tongs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Why did I wake up holding food tongs? http://tfl.nu/i1yj
  Replies (6) Good night (1649) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard. http://tfl.nu/r66v
  Replies (7) Good night (2017) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight. http://tfl.nu/l97c
  Replies (7) Good night (2222) Bad night (1425)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later http://tfl.nu/sax8
  Replies (4) Good night (1978) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me. http://tfl.nu/x609
  Replies (5) Good night (2389) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz http://tfl.nu/2w6v
  Replies (19) Good night (2843) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't. http://tfl.nu/qxou
  Replies (11) Good night (2121) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it. http://tfl.nu/tp8b
  Replies (6) Good night (3773) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe
  Replies (17) Good night (5218) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?! http://tfl.nu/3uuq
  Replies (19) Good night (1191) Bad night (3557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight? http://tfl.nu/jndw
  Replies (1) Good night (2078) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job. http://tfl.nu/5ogs
  Replies (11) Good night (3944) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth. http://tfl.nu/4ea8
  Replies (5) Good night (1914) Bad night (1113)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though http://tfl.nu/qgj2
  Replies (1) Good night (1519) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat http://tfl.nu/blab
  Replies (5) Good night (1788) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (975): View more from Missouri

  At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (975): At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt. http://tfl.nu/pzgf
  Replies (5) Good night (2518) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now. http://tfl.nu/ty03
  Replies (5) Good night (3327) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you http://tfl.nu/lizp
  Replies (7) Good night (2575) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/p7x9
  Replies (6) Good night (2236) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there. http://tfl.nu/94gv
  Replies (17) Good night (995) Bad night (3231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning . http://tfl.nu/qry6
  Replies (13) Good night (3507) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand http://tfl.nu/fsqo
  Replies (12) Good night (2978) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so. http://tfl.nu/9261
  Replies (5) Good night (2413) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat http://tfl.nu/fgz1
  Replies (17) Good night (4164) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos http://tfl.nu/qrbd
  Replies (11) Good night (4529) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/exim
  Replies (6) Good night (2587) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong. http://tfl.nu/skna
  Replies (8) Good night (2651) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case. http://tfl.nu/jpiw
  Replies (13) Good night (4041) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some. http://tfl.nu/08yo
  Replies (14) Good night (6916) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are. http://tfl.nu/m18s
  Replies (2) Good night (2975) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to. http://tfl.nu/orps
  Replies (9) Good night (2832) Bad night (1334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed. http://tfl.nu/rw7p
  Replies (4) Good night (3046) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good. http://tfl.nu/f0em
  Replies (7) Good night (2840) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina. http://tfl.nu/o9qo
  Replies (8) Good night (3681) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck http://tfl.nu/avfi
  Replies (4) Good night (2744) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite." http://tfl.nu/bn94
  Replies (6) Good night (3614) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room http://tfl.nu/9vw8
  Replies (4) Good night (2180) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes http://tfl.nu/5rry
  Replies (5) Good night (3259) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night http://tfl.nu/3ybg
  Replies (2) Good night (2200) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door. http://tfl.nu/w7kk
  Replies (14) Good night (3834) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet. http://tfl.nu/blxw
  Replies (14) Good night (4050) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic http://tfl.nu/vj3a
  Replies (4) Good night (2512) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby http://tfl.nu/0mu9
  Replies (7) Good night (2513) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?' http://tfl.nu/rnao
  Replies (12) Good night (3738) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes? http://tfl.nu/vnu1
  Replies (3) Good night (2433) Bad night (1314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself. http://tfl.nu/ycey
  Replies (8) Good night (3361) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming.. http://tfl.nu/kfd5
  Replies (49) Good night (2754) Bad night (4905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good. http://tfl.nu/7ot5
  Replies (2) Good night (3131) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober http://tfl.nu/68n1
  Replies (10) Good night (2984) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian. http://tfl.nu/ew8b
  Replies (7) Good night (2287) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning" http://tfl.nu/szov
  Replies (16) Good night (7227) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height http://tfl.nu/mxot
  Replies (9) Good night (4591) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands. http://tfl.nu/9yq1
  Replies (7) Good night (3150) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double http://tfl.nu/55xg
  Replies (18) Good night (4640) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv. http://tfl.nu/kqij
  Replies (7) Good night (2837) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking http://tfl.nu/5hl3
  Replies (11) Good night (3846) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop. (1-503): My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins. http://tfl.nu/dck1
  Replies (11) Good night (4787) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca. http://tfl.nu/7ojr
  Replies (6) Good night (3330) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome http://tfl.nu/oppr
  Replies (6) Good night (4162) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name? http://tfl.nu/qxdg
  Replies (3) Good night (2695) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story. http://tfl.nu/lu21
  Replies (2) Good night (814) Bad night (2156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks. http://tfl.nu/1pi3
  Replies (5) Good night (2399) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat? http://tfl.nu/7nmi
  Replies (7) Good night (991) Bad night (2314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday. http://tfl.nu/ygu9
  Replies (9) Good night (6216) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music. http://tfl.nu/kygq
  Replies (8) Good night (2561) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was http://tfl.nu/g5u7
  Replies (4) Good night (2200) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half. http://tfl.nu/u2dc
  Replies (10) Good night (861) Bad night (2654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila. http://tfl.nu/tq95
  Replies (8) Good night (2439) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo http://tfl.nu/10yt
  Replies (5) Good night (2482) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink http://tfl.nu/uf46
  Replies (3) Good night (2795) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back. http://tfl.nu/rbde
  Replies (9) Good night (1031) Bad night (4010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (438): I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning. http://tfl.nu/ev9g
  Replies (15) Good night (3046) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  they just started filling water ballons with vodka.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  on my way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): they just started filling water ballons with vodka. (1-702): on my way. http://tfl.nu/jo3z
  Replies (13) Good night (3857) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong. http://tfl.nu/nz0q
  Replies (16) Good night (3261) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give. http://tfl.nu/lewe
  Replies (11) Good night (4082) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore. http://tfl.nu/6de5
  Replies (14) Good night (3593) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint? http://tfl.nu/8n36
  Replies (11) Good night (4305) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water. http://tfl.nu/94yr
  Replies (8) Good night (4942) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  she could've warned me his penis was curved

  (708): View more from Illinois

  ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): she could've warned me his penis was curved (708): ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/vp5d
  Replies (14) Good night (1576) Bad night (4521)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  he has the hands of the vagina gods.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): he has the hands of the vagina gods. http://tfl.nu/xhgv
  Replies (12) Good night (4436) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret http://tfl.nu/ksru
  Replies (53) Good night (1399) Bad night (2295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard. http://tfl.nu/kick
  Replies (9) Good night (4043) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4602) Bad night (2605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit. http://tfl.nu/4gp7
  Replies (27) Good night (1244) Bad night (7129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m. http://tfl.nu/vqeg
  Replies (9) Good night (699) Bad night (2043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there. http://tfl.nu/s3qt
  Replies (22) Good night (3866) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b http://tfl.nu/qxl5
  Replies (9) Good night (1285) Bad night (4295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today" http://tfl.nu/6cpx
  Replies (30) Good night (1335) Bad night (7362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego. http://tfl.nu/vgwh
  Replies (20) Good night (4509) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute. http://tfl.nu/xfpy
  Replies (6) Good night (3046) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised. http://tfl.nu/xha6
  Replies (45) Good night (1799) Bad night (3692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant. http://tfl.nu/boqw
  Replies (11) Good night (4011) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (9163) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me. http://tfl.nu/tasz
  Replies (22) Good night (1273) Bad night (4079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star. http://tfl.nu/6ohf
  Replies (19) Good night (5305) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money. http://tfl.nu/ged1
  Replies (5) Good night (3967) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo? http://tfl.nu/aefb
  Replies (11) Good night (4183) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch. http://tfl.nu/snc7
  Replies (10) Good night (4594) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall. http://tfl.nu/z0q7
  Replies (9) Good night (4177) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer. http://tfl.nu/gibc
  Replies (34) Good night (5451) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son. http://tfl.nu/kmmn
  Replies (5) Good night (4571) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep. http://tfl.nu/gby7
  Replies (25) Good night (9111) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning? http://tfl.nu/u220
  Replies (16) Good night (7397) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car... http://tfl.nu/7kdq
  Replies (5) Good night (2373) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail. http://tfl.nu/p81z
  Replies (5) Good night (4555) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me. http://tfl.nu/76by
  Replies (17) Good night (4154) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again. http://tfl.nu/ev5h
  Replies (5) Good night (5133) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

  (516): View more from New York

  Do you have to put it that way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him. (1-516): yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him. (516): Do you have to put it that way? http://tfl.nu/hbgy
  Replies (21) Good night (6037) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order? http://tfl.nu/nfxj
  Replies (2) Good night (2659) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I supposed to find that romantic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts (1-412): Am I supposed to find that romantic? http://tfl.nu/carb
  Replies (19) Good night (6642) Bad night (2314)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to http://tfl.nu/3nm2
  Replies (9) Good night (4878) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night. http://tfl.nu/phgw
  Replies (73) Good night (8357) Bad night (1288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS. http://tfl.nu/77gw
  Replies (16) Good night (6059) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i? http://tfl.nu/gdnc
  Replies (7) Good night (3584) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  since when the fuck is that glamorous?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected (1-843): since when the fuck is that glamorous? http://tfl.nu/4ixl
  Replies (8) Good night (1342) Bad night (3232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks. http://tfl.nu/9rpm
  Replies (8) Good night (2839) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize http://tfl.nu/jvbl
  Replies (19) Good night (7268) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door. http://tfl.nu/3iyk
  Replies (9) Good night (6416) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter. http://tfl.nu/o453
  Replies (16) Good night (6729) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ypzc
  Replies (5) Good night (4240) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card... http://tfl.nu/vpen
  Replies (9) Good night (4116) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock. http://tfl.nu/lwgf
  Replies (14) Good night (3220) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.. http://tfl.nu/zyk4
  Replies (9) Good night (2458) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night. http://tfl.nu/nh7e
  Replies (20) Good night (4279) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon. http://tfl.nu/zm69
  Replies (34) Good night (8067) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The panties match.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I'll be right there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The panties match. (1-847): I'll be right there. http://tfl.nu/jbhz
  Replies (35) Good night (5802) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing. http://tfl.nu/4boy
  Replies (11) Good night (5532) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty

  (917): View more from New York City

  smooth operator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty (917): smooth operator http://tfl.nu/2sej
  Replies (25) Good night (7602) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch (636): Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving? (573): IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation http://tfl.nu/yr3e
  Replies (29) Good night (6889) Bad night (2109)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every perfect package comes with a warning label.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Every perfect package comes with a warning label. http://tfl.nu/x7rd
  Replies (25) Good night (3649) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Get out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me? (513): Get out now. http://tfl.nu/w3kk
  Replies (57) Good night (8007) Bad night (2388)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11894) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
  Replies (31) Good night (8724) Bad night (1389)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease. http://tfl.nu/08pd
  Replies (18) Good night (897) Bad night (5993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way (1-717): you don't. http://tfl.nu/p0es
  Replies (15) Good night (5752) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70 http://tfl.nu/w9g2
  Replies (13) Good night (6076) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night. http://tfl.nu/2r4z
  Replies (6) Good night (4203) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls. http://tfl.nu/1jxr
  Replies (12) Good night (1860) Bad night (3005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it. http://tfl.nu/sbum
  Replies (18) Good night (7177) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door... http://tfl.nu/wacl
  Replies (14) Good night (4120) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (11194) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I won't be sarcastic... just naked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I won't be sarcastic... just naked http://tfl.nu/3vff
  Replies (6) Good night (4649) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever. http://tfl.nu/p80i
  Replies (11) Good night (8501) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  What did I say?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why. (847): What did I say? (636): Don't ask me questions while I have an erection, http://tfl.nu/e9w1
  Replies (11) Good night (7708) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (22) Good night (13948) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier. http://tfl.nu/o9ed
  Replies (19) Good night (9096) Bad night (1274)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Glad to see your being a lady about this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture (1-336): Glad to see your being a lady about this http://tfl.nu/pcgd
  Replies (49) Good night (9253) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are. http://tfl.nu/yq64
  Replies (9) Good night (6868) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression." http://tfl.nu/hom0
  Replies (11) Good night (1023) Bad night (3936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  HOT DATE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day. (1-201): HOT DATE. http://tfl.nu/4vki
  Replies (11) Good night (3625) Bad night (1328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit. http://tfl.nu/d25i
  Replies (17) Good night (3989) Bad night (2076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it. http://tfl.nu/tda5
  Replies (10) Good night (6129) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7438) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (13401) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx
  Replies (6) Good night (8712) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer http://tfl.nu/6bxa
  Replies (16) Good night (5419) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic http://tfl.nu/my08
  Replies (6) Good night (2880) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen http://tfl.nu/0xt9
  Replies (17) Good night (5471) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6419) Bad night (2214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  You should've just screamed yes we can!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad. (1-270): You should've just screamed yes we can! http://tfl.nu/ng19
  Replies (52) Good night (8892) Bad night (1437)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life. http://tfl.nu/x5qx
  Replies (23) Good night (3240) Bad night (3133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success. http://tfl.nu/wlhs
  Replies (9) Good night (5258) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha http://tfl.nu/k58e
  Replies (20) Good night (7103) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing http://tfl.nu/5ec7
  Replies (7) Good night (3827) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know where my bra went.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know where my bra went. (1-303): Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy. http://tfl.nu/03yq
  Replies (22) Good night (7779) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money. http://tfl.nu/in19
  Replies (33) Good night (5731) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend. http://tfl.nu/0oem
  Replies (15) Good night (3925) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle http://tfl.nu/2q09
  Replies (13) Good night (1021) Bad night (3557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before http://tfl.nu/9107
  Replies (20) Good night (5169) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds http://tfl.nu/sr5n
  Replies (38) Good night (4659) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6490) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis http://tfl.nu/8w9k
  Replies (82) Good night (11056) Bad night (1456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take. http://tfl.nu/lajr
  Replies (24) Good night (4445) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you. http://tfl.nu/twb2
  Replies (20) Good night (1540) Bad night (6614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in? http://tfl.nu/0531
  Replies (52) Good night (1055) Bad night (6676)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl
  Replies (30) Good night (13589) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (51) Good night (24077) Bad night (1570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate. http://tfl.nu/63ss
  Replies (32) Good night (6657) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt