Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
